benjamens Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 hello, i am new to this site. I have been dating a girl for about 4 months who is the most important thing in the world to me. before i dated her i would send quite a few sexy text messages back and forth with a few girls. the other night i got stupidly drunk (but i hate blaming things on booze in the first place) and woke up to find i had reverted and sent some back to a girl who randomly messaged me. I feel absolutely trashed because of it, I told the girl i am in a relationship and need to take her out of my phone but i cannot stop feeling the guilt. this new girl would do anything for me and she is perfect in every way, i plan on marrying this girl. this was a onetime stupid drunk mistake and i will never, ever do it again or drink that amount that would make me completely blind. what does everyone think of this?
AAlike Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 hello, i am new to this site. I have been dating a girl for about 4 months who is the most important thing in the world to me. before i dated her i would send quite a few sexy text messages back and forth with a few girls. the other night i got stupidly drunk (but i hate blaming things on booze in the first place) and woke up to find i had reverted and sent some back to a girl who randomly messaged me. I feel absolutely trashed because of it, I told the girl i am in a relationship and need to take her out of my phone but i cannot stop feeling the guilt. this new girl would do anything for me and she is perfect in every way, i plan on marrying this girl. this was a onetime stupid drunk mistake and i will never, ever do it again or drink that amount that would make me completely blind. what does everyone think of this? are you asking if you should mention this to your gf?
Author benjamens Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 yes, and mostly if i should be beating myself up this bad or just forgive myself and move on. im just having trouble with it. theres no way i could explain it to her and she would understand. i hadnt been in a relationship for 9 years previous to this so it was just a bad old habit i guess.
AAlike Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 yes, and mostly if i should be beating myself up this bad or just forgive myself and move on. im just having trouble with it. theres no way i could explain it to her and she would understand. i hadnt been in a relationship for 9 years previous to this so it was just a bad old habit i guess. well, keep in mind that I tend to be among the more liberal-minded when it comes to what crosses the line as far as constituting "cheating" (although I believe that once it's crossed the relationship is kaput), and I don't think that a text message is something that I'd consider a huge deal if I were you - obviously it's not a good thing but I think that it's something that i could get over as a momentary lapse if I were in your shoes (although I guess it could depend on how "sexy" or explicit these messages really were). personally, I don't think that I'd tell her just due to the risk of making a mountain out of a molehill - but if it's going to torture you then that'll only get worse. i'm speculating here, but I'm guessing that your core problem with this is not necessarily the message itself, but the realization that when your inhibitions are low that you are capable of "single" behavior, and that's why you feel as if you've made some sort of huge compromise of her trust, right?
Author benjamens Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I think you are probably dead right there. I guess thats just something I will need to learn to control. thanks for your help
AAlike Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I think you are probably dead right there. I guess thats just something I will need to learn to control. thanks for your help right - I mean, we all have those urges from time to time and we all have to learn to control them. I think the fact that it's bothering you so much and that you are not just using your drunkenness to justify it are both steps in the right direction. Therefore the way I see it, I don't think that you crossed a line to the point that you are obligated to tell your GF - but this should be a red flag to you and if anything like this happens again it might be time to evaluate if you really love this girl as much as you think.
bunk2406 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 very good advice! I've been in a similar situation but I was in ur girlfriends shoes. I think my situation was worse tho because he asked for naked pictures basically. Didn't happen. I found out on my own which made the a million times worse. I dont think he was as drunk as u may have been but it wasnt right....i would have HATED if he told me but i was heartbroken to find out on my own. This happened when we were together for 4 months..and we felt or stated we felt the same as you do. Next month we will be together for 2 years. We've both made mistakes and i still dwell on what happened so early in our relationship. But i realize i love him so much and im giving him another chance...he knows if he f's up its over for good. So idk what this does for you, i know i've felt guilt about things or texts ive sent and just cuz my concious is so huge i've told my bf...he is also a very forgiving guy. But i guess just from the girls point of view...u said you wont do it again..dont!!! We do all make mistakes and do things we regret...all we can do now is prevent them from happening again if u really care about that person! Good luck! (sorry for the book haha)
mental_traveller Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 So far this is a one-off, and you obviously had no intent or desire to really cheat. My advice is delete her number and any other girls' numbers from your phone, and don't do it again. If you start doing this again in future, then you have to level with your gf. Tell her it's something you never intend to follow through on, but make her aware that sometimes if you get drunk you might do this. It's then up to her how to handle it. But trust me, most women would much rather know about this weakness, and appreciate your honesty in raising it, than to be lied to and find out later. People are not perfect and most of us will respect an honest confession, especially if no actual intent to cheat is there. Once you're open about it, it's much easier for you and her to work together to prevent it happening again.
Recommended Posts