Jamesith Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 The girl that I'm very into isn't one for PDA. (aka public display of affection) I know that I'm one to show my affection but it seems to be like raining on my parade. Is there anything I can do here? like open her up to the idea or something, I really do like this girl.
JohnnyBlaze Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 How long have you two been together? Some people don't show affection publicly with someone they haven't been dating long. She could just need time. Also, is she shy? That might also explain it. What you may have to do is find a middle ground. Not as much PDA as you'd like, but more than she's used to. Convincing her that PDA is good would be just as tough as convincing you that it's not, so if you meet somewhere in the middle, then you'll learn to scale back a bit and she'll learn to open up a bit.
IrishCarBomb Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 What does "deel" mean? Ohhhh... my mistake... I forgot that it's a piece of Mongolian clothing.
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 IME, someone who's vehemently opposed to simple PDA (holding hands, hugs, pecks) isn't really into the person they're with. I say that having been on both sides of the anti-PDA fence.
Juniper22 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I'm not real sure if you can really find some kind of common ground on this. Since she is pretty much against it and you're for it. You might have to find you someone who feels the way you do on the issue. I don't think IMO, that her not showing you PDA means she isn't really into you, (although it could) I just think some people are more private than others when it comes to their displaying of affections.
Author Jamesith Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Sorry spelling error meant to say "deal" We've known each other for 2 years and been going out for almost 2 months. I've always known that she doesn't show her affection not even to her own mother, I mean hugs are normal but to her anything else is not allowed. I would have tried to push the boundaries by giving her a kiss on the cheek. But wasn't sure as to what might happen. Okay I have one example we went back to the hostel where I was staying at we were talking for quite some time. I said something a little mean but she knew I was kidding, so I held her and after a while she moved my hand off her so yeah that was about 4 or 5 days ago.
Juniper22 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Sorry spelling error meant to say "deal" We've known each other for 2 years and been going out for almost 2 months. I've always known that she doesn't show her affection not even to her own mother, I mean hugs are normal but to her anything else is not allowed. I would have tried to push the boundaries by giving her a kiss on the cheek. But wasn't sure as to what might happen. Okay I have one example we went back to the hostel where I was staying at we were talking for quite some time. I said something a little mean but she knew I was kidding, so I held her and after a while she moved my hand off her so yeah that was about 4 or 5 days ago. What did you say to her that was "a little mean?" She may have come from a family where affection wasn't really shown much.
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Okay I have one example we went back to the hostel where I was staying at we were talking for quite some time. I said something a little mean but she knew I was kidding, so I held her and after a while she moved my hand off her so yeah that was about 4 or 5 days ago. Was that in public? And what do you mean you were a little mean? And that you held her, but she moved your hand off her? I'm having difficulty invisioning this...
Author Jamesith Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Oh we had been talking about how sometimes she gives this look that makes you feel like you've done something wrong. And I happened to reply it sometimes makes you wanna kill yourself, She chuckled after and was like wow. That's when I put my arm around her and was gently rubbing her right shoulder, after a while that's when she took my hand off her. But it's not her family I know that for sure they are big on showing their affection.
Juniper22 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Oh we had been talking about how sometimes she gives this look that makes you feel like you've done something wrong. And I happened to reply it sometimes makes you wanna kill yourself, She chuckled after and was like wow. That's when I put my arm around her and was gently rubbing her right shoulder, after a while that's when she took my hand off her. But it's not her family I know that for sure they are big on showing their affection. Have you actually sat down and talked with her about this? Have you told her how you feel? Does she seem to understand or does she not really care one way or the other?
Author Jamesith Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 We have sat down and talked about this, She understands cause we had talked about this before we started dating. I mean I'm use to her giving me that look but I had to reassure her that I wasn't fond of it. But I'm seeing that she's more open to hugs and than anything else. One thing that threw me for a spin was before she got in her car to go back to her dorm. She was talking about one of her gay friends and said something about cuddling with him which kinda upset me. Like I can get so far but then some times its so confusing.
JackJack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 How often does she give you "that look?" Is it when you say something to her she finds mean? You've only been dating for about 2 months, give it some more time. Has she been hurt from previous relationships? Maybe that's where her standoffish behavior comes from and she is afraid to let her guard down?
Author Jamesith Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Pretty much that's when I get that look. Or when she tries to prove a point to where its like a debate and she has to be the winner. I know that she's been through some depression before, That was when she was in a LDR once about a year ago and then got back together with the same guy again for like 6 months. Then I saw the depression sink in again. I don't know what caused it but wow it made me feel bad for her. But if it's past relationships as you said why then not show affection to her own parents that's what confuses me. But one answer at a time.
JackJack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Pretty much that's when I get that look. Or when she tries to prove a point to where its like a debate and she has to be the winner. I know that she's been through some depression before, That was when she was in a LDR once about a year ago and then got back together with the same guy again for like 6 months. Then I saw the depression sink in again. I don't know what caused it but wow it made me feel bad for her. But if it's past relationships as you said why then not show affection to her own parents that's what confuses me. But one answer at a time. I'm not sure if its past relationships with guys or not. Maybe its her past relationship with her parents? I don't know..I'd give it more time, if she is still the same way after a bit longer, maybe there is deeper issue going on here that she doesn't want to address. Then you'll have to decide what is more important to you.
Author Jamesith Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I'm not sure if its past relationships with guys or not. Maybe its her past relationship with her parents? I don't know..I'd give it more time, if she is still the same way after a bit longer, maybe there is deeper issue going on here that she doesn't want to address. Then you'll have to decide what is more important to you. Yeah I see what you mean. I do really like this girl, but as you said i'll give it more time and see how it progresses and if not then well time to make a decision as you said.
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