mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 ....over a stretch of a couple days, and you don't wish to talk to him because you're so angry with him, does that increase your chances of finding emotional comfort or confiding in other males? Does it increase your chances of emotionally cheating or physically cheating? Right now my GF and I are pretty upset with one another and everytime we contact each other it just turns into another argument. She's acting like a bitch, I'm being disrespectful, it doesn't get anywhere. So as of right now I told her just not to contact me until she pulls the stick out of her ass because I'm not trying to deal with it, I've got alot going on in my life and I'd rather not deal with some drama. I've already apologized and tried to right my wrongs but its like everytime she calls me on the phone she has a stank ass attitude, I can hear it in her tone of voice. All attempts at making her laugh or creating a convo are killed by her stank one word quips. There's just no point other than letting her get over it. I just don't want her whoring it up because she's upset with me. I don't know how many females actually do it so I thought I'd ask but some actually **** around with other guys when they're having problems with their BF. So what I'd like to know is if you and your BF are arguing, does it increase your desire to interact with other males? Talk and flirt with them? Eat lunch with them? Go on a secret date with one? Does it increase the chance of some form of cheating taking place? Would you do things you don't normally do with other guys when you're happy with your BF?
Lucky_One Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 So what I'd like to know is if you and your BF are arguing, does it increase your desire to interact with other males? Talk and flirt with them? Eat lunch with them? Go on a secret date with one? Does it increase the chance of some form of cheating taking place? Would you do things you don't normally do with other guys when you're happy with your BF? Yes. It certainly makes a woman more apt to talk and flirt with other men. I can't say that it makes them more apt to go on a date with one (unless you have actually broken up), but in that case, there would be no actual cheating. When your BF is being an ass, it gives you the mindset that you want to see if there are better guys out there - ones who don't act as though your answers to him are stank ass. But that doesn't mean she IS. Nor does it mean that you can badger her about it or suspect her or interrogate her or try to get her to take a lie detector test about it.
donnamaybe Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 If you suspect your gal is like that, run for the hills. I would NEVER do any of those things during turbulent times in a relationship. If my relationship meant that little to me, I shouldn't have been in it in the first place. I can see how you would be sick and tired of her after your description of her behavior. I recall the incident in the car with the air conditioning or something along those lines as well. She's spoiled.
LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Woah, woah, woah. A few things here: If you are beginning to feel that things have gotten so bad between you two that she may run into the arms of another man I'd say that your relationship is nearing its breaking point. To answer your question, no it does not make me want to go flirt with other men. What it does make me want to do is spend time with my girlfriends doing something I love to forget my troubles. The only time I would consider deliberately flirting with other males would be, again if I felt this was the beginning of the end. As for your attitude with her, if you want things to shape up soon you are going to have to swallow your pride and be the bigger man. Take a few days to retreat, do something you love and clear your mind. If you want things to improve, do not wait for her actions to change--those you cannot control. Rather take control of what you can change which is your attitude and feelings towards her. If you don't stop thinking of her as a stank arse then this thing is going to spiral. YOU need to be the change in the relationship YOU need to kill her with kindness until the only thing left she can do is reciprocate. Otherwise from the sound of things in the post I'd say you two are spiraling past the point of no return...a healthy relationship is not one based on blame and name calling, remember that.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 A long time ago around our first fight she told me that when she's upset with me she ends up being upset with the whole male gender and wanting nothing to do with them, I don't know if that's a load of **** or what. I know when my GF acts like an ass I'm wondering if it'd be the same with another female. Swallowing my pride is hard, I have alot of it lol...which is a pain in my ass sometimes. I just don't get why is has to be ME who swallows my pride and makes all the changes. What? She's allowed to act like a child and I'm the one who needs to tend to it? That's bull****. All thats going to do is make me look like I don't have any balls, and that she can get me to fold whenever she's pissy about something.
LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I just don't get why is has to be ME who swallows my pride and makes all the changes. What? She's allowed to act like a child and I'm the one who needs to tend to it? That's bull****. All thats going to do is make me look like I don't have any balls, and that she can get me to fold whenever she's pissy about something. It has to be you because YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER. And if you don't want to change to save your relationship then you have to consider, what are you really sticking around for here?
Lucky_One Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 A thought. Why don't you actually post honestly (and without all your typical prejudicial adjectives) about what the fight really is about? There are lots of posters here who are willing to help you, but your situation is always hard to read because you typically speak of your GF with such derision.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Okay but when I'm on the phone with her numerous times trying to be kind and understanding with her, all she does is ****ing act like the biggest bitch in the world. I mean her tone of voice, the way she says things, its totally disrespectful. And when I'm sitting there being kind to her, I don't deserve that. So in my mind I'm like "iight well **** you to then" and I just end the convo.
LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 No offense Mr Dream Merchant but I'm getting the vibe that its about that time to cut the cord here. The type of communication you're describing sounds very immature and unloving.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 You think so? I'd really like to move past this but I can't when she doesn't want to treat me with respect or kindness. That's why I told her just to not contact me until she's done acting like that. I just want to know if this means she'll be ****ing around with other guys, or if the chances of her doing so will increase.
Lucky_One Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 You think so? I'd really like to move past this but I can't when she doesn't want to treat me with respect or kindness. That's why I told her just to not contact me until she's done acting like that. I just want to know if this means she'll be ****ing around with other guys, or if the chances of her doing so will increase. She already told you she doesn't do that. Believe her. Or say openly that you can't trust her and break up with her. You don't have much choice here. Believe her or not. It is obvious that you do NOT believe her. So what are YOU going to do about it. This isn't about what SHE is doing; YOU can only change YOU and make decisions about YOU.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Aaaah but how do you kill someone with kindness when all they do it snap at you? **** that.
Lucky_One Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Can't help you. For all I know, she is snapping at you because you lied to her about making her take a lie detector test, and I would be snapping at you for that for ages. Until we know what the fight is about, no one knows if she is justified in her anger, or if you are justified in yours.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Yes. It certainly makes a woman more apt to talk and flirt with other men. I can't say that it makes them more apt to go on a date with one (unless you have actually broken up), but in that case, there would be no actual cheating. When your BF is being an ass, it gives you the mindset that you want to see if there are better guys out there - ones who don't act as though your answers to him are stank ass. But that doesn't mean she IS. Nor does it mean that you can badger her about it or suspect her or interrogate her or try to get her to take a lie detector test about it. Agree. It won't make me go sleep with another man but it does make me wonde rabout other men more and if they would treat me with more respect for my feelings. The thing is, even if you think her feelings are lame or ridiculous, she doesn't. If you disrespect her feelings, you are disrespecting her and that obviously isn't going to produce positive results. Maybe you feel like she has an attitude when you get on the phone but maybe she feels the same way as well, that you have an atittude? Maybe she is hurt that you don't want to acknowledge her feelings or the situation and just make jokes like nothing happened? I can say from my own experience if my man did something wrong and he wants to pretend like it didn't happen and wants everything to be happy and smiles, it pisses me off more. He isn't acknowledging what he did or giving my feelings respect. If he wants to leave me alone until the storm has passed, it kind of sends the message that he doesn't want to deal with the more difficult parts of the relationship or me. A relationship isn't always going to be easy. We want a guy to stand by us in good and bad times. Not walk away when there is an issue. Because if he walks away to "leave us alone to get over it", he is walking away from *us* and not being there for *us*. So what did you do?
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Lie detector test? Oh ****. Nah this thread is not relevant to that. She's upset with me because I don't have any respect for her sister. Her sister is a self centered, conniving, ho ass, and whatever else you could use to describe a nightmare of a single chick. She's always in our damn phone conversations. I'm on the phone with my GF and her sister wants to bust in the room and talk to my GF for 20 minutes about some guy she's talking to that has a BF. Are you serious?! Or worse, she'll get on the phone and ask me what I think about some new dirtbag she's talking to. I tell her she needs to get her mind right and to put my GF on the phone. She gets upset? Man I don't give a **** about your new **** buddies you damn ho! I know its sounds terrible of me, but her sister is a dumb ass club ho. She ****s other girl's boyfriends, shes your grade a homewrecking bitch. All because she's single and "desperate", or so she says. Anyways we're fighting because I don't respect her sister.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Agree. It won't make me go sleep with another man but it does make me wonde rabout other men more and if they would treat me with more respect for my feelings. The thing is, even if you think her feelings are lame or ridiculous, she doesn't. If you disrespect her feelings, you are disrespecting her and that obviously isn't going to produce positive results. Maybe you feel like she has an attitude when you get on the phone but maybe she feels the same way as well, that you have an atittude? Maybe she is hurt that you don't want to acknowledge her feelings or the situation and just make jokes like nothing happened? I can say from my own experience if my man did something wrong and he wants to pretend like it didn't happen and wants everything to be happy and smiles, it pisses me off more. He isn't acknowledging what he did or giving my feelings respect. If he wants to leave me alone until the storm has passed, it kind of sends the message that he doesn't want to deal with the more difficult parts of the relationship or me. A relationship isn't always going to be easy. We want a guy to stand by us in good and bad times. Not walk away when there is an issue. Because if he walks away to "leave us alone to get over it", he is walking away from *us* and not being there for *us*. So what did you do? Yeah I've been guilty of this. But I only try and do in light of the situation. My GF is the type of person that when they're mad, they just always dwell on it for a couple of days. I could say something to her, and she'll just relate it to our fight and turn it into a little argument in itself. I don't get how anyone can make progress with a person like this? That's why I just tell her to have some time to herself. If she isn't ready to move on then how can I help her?
LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Aaaah but how do you kill someone with kindness when all they do it snap at you? **** that. You sound a little snappy yourself Mr. Merchant but I'm guessing its the circumstance. Ok, its not easy and quite honestly if you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't. But its the only thing worth doing that will save this relationship if its at the breaking point I suspect it is. Give her a few days space, TRUST that she isn't out flirting with other men and when she comes back to you say "I'm not ready to talk until we can both be calm about this." If she starts getting snappy hang up and wait a few more days. This way you'll both have time to cool of and the "killing with kindness" will most likely be easier...though it still won't be easy beware.
angie2443 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 No offense Mr Dream Merchant but I'm getting the vibe that its about that time to cut the cord here. The type of communication you're describing sounds very immature and unloving. I agree with this. I will also add, from reading your other posts, you sound immature. I know you're young so I think you just need time to grow up. I would hold off on having a serious relationship untill a few more years.
Lucky_One Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I'd snap at your ghetto a$$, too, if you talked about my sister to me the way you talk to your GF about hers. You can post here sometimes fairly intelligently, but then your true character shines forth on the others, and it makes me shudder for the woman that you end up with.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 You sound a little snappy yourself Mr. Merchant but I'm guessing its the circumstance. Ok, its not easy and quite honestly if you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't. But its the only thing worth doing that will save this relationship if its at the breaking point I suspect it is. Give her a few days space, TRUST that she isn't out flirting with other men and when she comes back to you say "I'm not ready to talk until we can both be calm about this." If she starts getting snappy hang up and wait a few more days. This way you'll both have time to cool of and the "killing with kindness" will most likely be easier...though it still won't be easy beware. Yeah. I'm sure she isn't out there flirting with another guy. If it were going to get to that point she would end the relationship herself. This is what I was planning on doing. But its our anniversary tomorrow, and they're really really really important to her. I don't want to call her up or take her out when she's going to be acting like this. To be honest, I just wasn't going to acknowledge it, let her know I'm serious about not wanting anything to do with her until she calms down.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I'd snap at your ghetto a$$, too, if you talked about my sister to me the way you talk to your GF about hers. You can post here sometimes fairly intelligently, but then your true character shines forth on the others, and it makes me shudder for the woman that you end up with. I'd never express how I feel about her sister to my GF in those words. But that's how I truely feel. Her sister is a terrible person. And I just can't respect her. Regardless if its my GF's sister. Now I'm not saying I see her and pelt her with insults and ****. But I just keep it polite and be about my own, I don't interect or socialize with her because I don't respect her demeanor. My GF wants to me care about her sister and I told her while I care for her, its hard to respect her because of how she acts. My GF told me she's single she can do whatever she wants, and yeah that's true, but have some damn self respect.
donnamaybe Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I'd snap at your ghetto a$$, too, if you talked about my sister to me the way you talk to your GF about hers. You can post here sometimes fairly intelligently, but then your true character shines forth on the others, and it makes me shudder for the woman that you end up with. Just saw the post #21 that posted prior to me finishing this one. Disregard!
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Yeah I mean, I let my feelings get the best of me and I'm dumb at times, but **** I'm not that dumb. They're twins duke! I'd never tell my shorty that to her face about her sister you crazy?! Lmao.
donnamaybe Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I'd never express how I feel about her sister to my GF in those words. But that's how I truely feel. Her sister is a terrible person. And I just can't respect her. Regardless if its my GF's sister. Now I'm not saying I see her and pelt her with insults and ****. But I just keep it polite and be about my own, I don't interect or socialize with her because I don't respect her demeanor. My GF wants to me care about her sister and I told her while I care for her, its hard to respect her because of how she acts. My GF told me she's single she can do whatever she wants, and yeah that's true, but have some damn self respect. You cannot force yourself to feel respect for someone who hasn't earned it. As long as you are polite to her and you don't speak in awful, disparaging terms about her to her sister, your feelings are your feelings.
Woggle Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It sounds like maybe this relationship is on it's last legs and that is probably for the better. What exactly is this drama queen doing for your life? While you are sitting here stressing yourself out over one of her angry moods for god knows what reason you can be out there enjoying life. Is she really that important that it is worth dealing with this nonsense?
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