lovelyredroses Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 So I've been on 2 dates with this guy. The first time I suggested something casual like coffee or pastries and he took me to this very nice restaurant for a 3-course afternoon tea. On the second date, he took me to a nice restaurant. At the end he asked if I wanted to come over to his place for a movie. I called my friend to make sure that she knew where I was and then agreed. So once we got to his place and put the movie on, he kissed me pretty soon into it. We actually made out and cuddled for most of the movie and it was completely initiated by him because I am pretty shy and conservative. I was having a good time though so I didn't stop him but told him to slow down a couple of times. After the movie was over, he put on some romantic music and wanted me to stay and dance with him. I told him that he'd better take me home because it was getting late. It was very clear to me that he would have wanted me to stay over and sleep with him if I had been willing. He drove me home and said he had a very nice time and we kissed good night. He is usually a gentleman with me and seems like a good person although he is a little bit arrogant about his accomplishments in life. Also, to put it in perspective, I am a 23- yo grad student and he is a 34-yo business man. I don't know whether I should be insulted and take that night as a sign that he doesn't take me seriously and just wants to get laid? Or is he testing me? Or did I give him the wrong signal by agreeing to come over to his place so soon? He emailed me two days later to share a little about his day. I'm not sure whether I should give him one more chance and keep the relationship going for one more date or just tell him that we're looking for different things over email and break this thing off? I did enjoy kissing him but even that was a bit to heavy for me on a 2nd date. He seems like an interesting person though, and I wouldn't mind getting to know him better.
loser101 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 well you could ask him to slow down the physical side a bit but you will probably lose him anyway. A 34 years old man won't waste his time with a girl that wants to hold hands. As a 36 years old woman I wouldn't waste my time with a 23 years old boy that only wants to hold hands.
The Collector Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Why does wanting to have sex with you mean he doesn't want to get serious?
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 This is about respect and about boundaries. if you feel this is not acceptable, donot lead him on into thinking it is. It is perfect for you to have principles. it is important to let people know what is tolerable, and not tolerable, acceptable and not acceptable. It is possible he wishes to create a serious relationship. it is equally possible he is simply looking for someone to have a casual freindlky sexual relationship. I think you are within your rights definitley to tell him where you stand. hen stick to this, and see if he accepts or agrees. If he goes quiet and stops contacting you so frequently, then obviously he doesn't want the challenge of the effort..... Trust your gut instinct. as a woman, we have a refined instinct. use it.
BoredPerson Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 He just wants some poontang. Try again. Sorry. Bad luck. He just wants to get all naked a sloppy. Your probably a just a piece of meat to him. My honest opinion based on information provided. Three course meal on first date ? For a 23 year old...... what the hell... Playa.
sotired Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I think you gave him the wrong signals. If you don't want to get physical this early, you really shouldn't accept invitations to his house. Go on a few dates first before making out on his couch.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 well you could ask him to slow down the physical side a bit but you will probably lose him anyway. A 34 years old man won't waste his time with a girl that wants to hold hands. As a 36 years old woman I wouldn't waste my time with a 23 years old boy that only wants to hold hands. I kind of agree with this on some levels... He just wants some poontang. Try again. Sorry. Bad luck. He just wants to get all naked a sloppy. Your probably a just a piece of meat to him. My honest opinion based on information provided. Three course meal on first date ? For a 23 year old...... what the hell... Playa. Don't mind bored hes just well bored and frustrated its making him bitter lately lol.. I think you gave him the wrong signals. If you don't want to get physical this early, you really shouldn't accept invitations to his house. Go on a few dates first before making out on his couch. Yea this I agree with 100% if your sending the signals then don't be shocked when he responds no one likes a cock tease wither you mean to or not live and learn...
Lucky_One Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I don't see anything wrong with dating someone and making out with them. When I was growing up (ages and ages ago, as I am now ancient in my late 30's), we had things called "bases". And it took time and intimacy and space to get from first to second to third base (not to mention a homer). I don't think every guy expects a home run on the second date. And I don't see anything wrong with escalating intimacy over time. It would be a sad dating world if you have to hold off on kissing or touching until you are ready to jump into bed with someone. As for the poster who thinks that a three course tea is over the top, he is obviously young, broke and has no idea of how to have a nice time or how to treat a woman or how to appreciate having a bit more money than $3.75 to spend on a date.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I don't see anything wrong with dating someone and making out with them. When I was growing up (ages and ages ago, as I am now ancient in my late 30's), we had things called "bases". And it took time and intimacy and space to get from first to second to third base (not to mention a homer). I don't think every guy expects a home run on the second date. And I don't see anything wrong with escalating intimacy over time. It would be a sad dating world if you have to hold off on kissing or touching until you are ready to jump into bed with someone. As for the poster who thinks that a three course tea is over the top, he is obviously young, broke and has no idea of how to have a nice time or how to treat a woman or how to appreciate having a bit more money than $3.75 to spend on a date. LoL Hey now common be fair its 5.99 if she wants to super size it... I agree you shouldn't be afraid of kissing. But theres a time and place no? you can kiss make out in a semi public place or you can do it in his place on his couch with the lights low. I do get what you mean but I think sadly times have changed do you wanna come up to my place doesn't mean what it use to maybe...
LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Ummm am I missing something here? He didn't actually push you to have sex did he? From my understanding, things just got a little hot and heavy during the makeout session, as they usually do. You cut him off at the point in which was comfortable for you and it sounds like he respected that. So again, whats the big deal? The plain and simple truth is that he was testing your boundaries and enjoying the makeout session while he was at it. YOU didn't give in to sex but some other girls may have and you can't blame a guy for trying can you? Most importantly, if you wanted to avoid the pressure altogether you could have just gone home after the date. Going to someones house is opening the door to cuddling--->which leads to making out--> which leads to heavy petting--> which can lead to who knows what.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Lovely, I am not really agreeing with most people's comments in this thread. My take is that if you like him and want to get to know him better, be honest with him. Tell him you enjoy the time you spend together but you want to take things slow. It's that simple. You are younger, and at his age, it makes you a little easier to manipulate. Just don't let that happen. It's hard to say at this point if he only wants to sleep with you or is interested in more. But if you hold out on sex, his intentions will shortly become obvious. Just another note, no man has the right to expect sex. And no woman has the right to feel like she has to give it before she is ready. If a man expects sex, something is wrong with him. Sure, he might want sex. And not getting it might make some men frustrated or whiney but too bad. That's HIS issue. Not yours. His horniness is not your issue. You don't have to provide sex just because he took you out or made out with you. There are no promises either way and you are not entitled to give him anything. Just as he is not entitled to give you more of a committment just because you did something like making out. If you just stay in the mind frame that you don't owe him anything, even if he takes you out, because that was his choice anyway, you will be in good shape. Be honest to him about what you want and be strong in that.
Peaceandlove Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I think you need to be honest, just tell him that you need to slow things down -nothing wrong with that (might even make his heart grow fonder If he went out with you just for physical intimacy you'll find out soon after I reckon he'll respect you more after you explain yourself and make it clear that you are interested in him but would rather wait (although nothing wrong with giving in earlier on if thats how you fell like) all the best! xox
fishtaco Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Sex before serious exclusivity means nothing. It won't increase or decrease the chance of getting to exclusive relationship. If he didn't plan on anything serious (i.e. it's just a fling), he'll go away after a certain amount of time whether sex happens or not. If during the course of dating he discovered you two are not compatible, sex or no sex it's going to end. If he plans on getting serious with you, then sex or no sex he's going to try. So with that in mind, it's up to you and what YOU want. You know he wants sex. If you're cool with it, why not. Sex is fun. If you're not cool with it, then don't give in. I wouldn't consider that an insult. The flip side is he NEVER wants sex. If you look on LS, threads like that where the women want sex more than the man happens occasionally too. It's a matter of sexual timing compatibility, i.e. the timing of when you are both ready for sex. If he disrespects your wishes not to have sex, then that would be an insult.
Sephirothh Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 So I've been on 2 dates with this guy. The first time I suggested something casual like coffee or pastries and he took me to this very nice restaurant for a 3-course afternoon tea. On the second date, he took me to a nice restaurant. At the end he asked if I wanted to come over to his place for a movie. I called my friend to make sure that she knew where I was and then agreed. So once we got to his place and put the movie on, he kissed me pretty soon into it. We actually made out and cuddled for most of the movie and it was completely initiated by him because I am pretty shy and conservative. I was having a good time though so I didn't stop him but told him to slow down a couple of times. After the movie was over, he put on some romantic music and wanted me to stay and dance with him. I told him that he'd better take me home because it was getting late. It was very clear to me that he would have wanted me to stay over and sleep with him if I had been willing. He drove me home and said he had a very nice time and we kissed good night. He is usually a gentleman with me and seems like a good person although he is a little bit arrogant about his accomplishments in life. Also, to put it in perspective, I am a 23- yo grad student and he is a 34-yo business man. I don't know whether I should be insulted and take that night as a sign that he doesn't take me seriously and just wants to get laid? Or is he testing me? Or did I give him the wrong signal by agreeing to come over to his place so soon? He emailed me two days later to share a little about his day. I'm not sure whether I should give him one more chance and keep the relationship going for one more date or just tell him that we're looking for different things over email and break this thing off? I did enjoy kissing him but even that was a bit to heavy for me on a 2nd date. He seems like an interesting person though, and I wouldn't mind getting to know him better. Break it off, the one thing I took from this is letting your friend know where you were so right there you weren't too sure of him. If you were more comfortable with him it wouldn't have mattered. He is a 34 year old business man also a little too old for you, try dating someone around your age and let the fossil date women his age. He is most likely not testing you either and just wants you in bed so if thats what you want stay with him, if not then move on, men don't really test women its usually the other way around. The whole testing thing = insecurity and uneccessary IMO but thats just me.
voldigicam Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Shy women are hard to read, often throw off guys. Guys tend to be klutzes, too. I used to dance and do other graceful stuff, and I'm still a klutz. But the shy ones. Hard to tell if they're uncomfortable, or like submission, or what. One reason to go slow with everyone and just issue invitations. And remain alert to them. So if you're the shy one, have to make some effort to lead. On the bare facts above, looks like you did. I don't see anything wrong. He's just a guy hoping you like him, and like for guys usually shows up as kissing and screwing.
BCCA Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Here is a late 20's guys' take on this. 1. You really shouldnt have gone over to his place. 'Come over' = do you want to have sex. 2. Youre a smart girl for letting someone know where you are. Even if he's harmless, that was an excellent call. 3. If you didn't want to get too fast too soon, you should have played harder to get. If youre in the same situation again, make him wait for it. 4. I would chalk this one up as a loss. I've never wanted to hang out with a girl that put the breaks on with me, or that came to my house, and then wanted to take it slow. I would be annoyed if I was him, not that you purposefully did anything wrong. Live and learn. I've found out that people in their 30's move much faster than they do in their 20's, so for him it could have seemed like enough time. And for a lot of people, sex really isnt a big deal.
Sephirothh Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Here is a late 20's guys' take on this. 1. You really shouldnt have gone over to his place. 'Come over' = do you want to have sex. 2. Youre a smart girl for letting someone know where you are. Even if he's harmless, that was an excellent call. 3. If you didn't want to get too fast too soon, you should have played harder to get. If youre in the same situation again, make him wait for it. 4. I would chalk this one up as a loss. I've never wanted to hang out with a girl that put the breaks on with me, or that came to my house, and then wanted to take it slow. I would be annoyed if I was him, not that you purposefully did anything wrong. Live and learn. I've found out that people in their 30's move much faster than they do in their 20's, so for him it could have seemed like enough time. And for a lot of people, sex really isnt a big deal. 1. Not neccessarily, you can still watch a movie and hang out and end up not doing anything...JUST TO SHOW THE GIRL that its not all about sex, which builds a little trust 2. true, but 99% of the time the guy ends up harmless anyway I always thought of this as a big exhaggeration but still you gotta worry about that other 1% of losers. 3. NO, sometimes hard to get = guy thinks you don't like him, especially if he is legit and treating you right. Then you will start to look like your throwing mix signals. Only play hard to get if your unsure of liking him IMO 4. I agree with you here, move on and grab someone around your age, just because he is older doesn't neccessarily mean he is mature.
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