cat Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 My boyfriend broke up with me today. I deserve it, and I'm not justifying what I did, it's just that it's the first night and it's really hard. I really love him and I'm in love with him. I was having questions about commitment, in that we manage money differently, have different approaches to health (I exercise, he smokes) and a couple other things. We were getting more serious, and I was getting unsure if we were a fit for marriage. About a month ago, in a particularly rough patch for us, I started a chain of flirtatious emails with a man in another state. I would never want or expect a relationship with this man, but the emails were fun. Well, lo and behold, he read my email (which I have a problem with in itself) and we had a huge problem. But we worked it out and things were better than ever. But, the man and I started emailing again, and he caught me again by reading my email today. He boxed up all my things and never wants to talk to me again. I don't blame him, of course, and I have no excuse for what I did. I can see that I was trying to get an unmet need met and that it was terribly horribly selfish and immature. I see all this, and I know now that I have to live with the consequences of knowing I hurt this person who I love very much. And for all the ways we were incompatible, he is good and kind and honest and loving. I know I screwed up and I'm so sorry. I don't need judgment or people telling me I got what I deserved. I will learn from this, volumes. It's just a sad and lonely night.
Princess.99 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Did he not give you enough affection and love...that pushed you to do this? I dont know i think if you have everything you want in that person you dont jump to someone else...something was lacking
gavinus Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 what can I say? you still kept in contact via email, it seems like you were not happy in your relationship so you looked elsewhere. You have 3 choices, beg him back or let him go, the choice is up to you, or the third choice is give it some time before you contact him and write down all the good stuff/bad stuff about the two of you, you must have been chatting via email for some reason so give yourself a chance and figure out what was lacking, good luck
Author cat Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 You're right, i wasn't completely happy and fulfilled, but i thought maybe with time I could get there. I weigh all the time in my head how much to realistically expect from another person, and how someone doesn't have to be perfect, they don't have to be your everything. I know that. And yes, I was looking outside. Again, I know what I did was wrong, and he doesn't want me back anyway, so it doesn't matter. I've been thinking for a while maybe I need some time alone, but I wasn't sure, because I do love him. I just never was sure one way or the other. I mean, I thought it was right to hang on for a while even with doubts--and i've had doubts since the beginning. I didn't want to be too picky, too much of a perfectionist, whatever. I'm not trying to excuse what I did, believe me. I know it was horrible and selfish, and I really hurt another person, and it definitely gives me fuel to look at how I need to grow up about being able to say what I want.
Paralyzed Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 The problem I would have if I was your ex is this. If I take you back you would most likely do it again. You wouldn't respect him. You would probably do it again. You shouldn't want attention from other men. He is either not right for you, or you have some of your own issues that you need help with. I wouldn't trust you, sorry. Also, as bad as you are hurting, he is feeling a lot worse. You betrayed him not once but twice.
Author cat Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I know. I am a very self-aware person, and I know that I obviously have some stuff to work on. I promise, you're not telling me anything that I haven't already said to myself. That said, sometimes it DOES hurt to do the wrong thing, and it also hurts to lose someone you were close to, even if you weren't supposed to be with that person for the rest of your life. I'm still a person with feelings, even though I made a mistake. If he were posting on here, he's have a lot of fuel, and support, I know.
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