sxyNYCcpl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I just don't get the mindset that sex can be bad. Sex is fun! As long as you are taking steps to minimize your risk of pregnancy or disease, the more the merrier!
UCLAMike Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Girls like you are rare and it gives me hope that there are still good girls out there. Thank you.
Els Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 So, UCLAMike, you wouldn't mind if a girl didn't want to have sex with you before marriage? If so, you're a rarity, and I sure hope her bf will think the way you do. Or are you one of those that wants a girl to abstain with others before them but not with them?
gd26 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Ok first off your just contradicting your own beliefs, you've had sex with 2 other BF's in the past so why won't you have it with this one? This guy is probably more closer and important to you then the other two since you've introduced him to your parents. Your so worried about your parents finding out, then why weren't you worried about the other 2 that you were with, let it slide just like you did with the others, or if you really love him and he loves you he will obviously not care. But in the same time he will have to go through not having sex until marriage, which puts him in a rough spot. It's alot harder for us guys then girls to stay clear of sex when in a relationship. Can you cope with this, can you go through knowing that he can't have sex with the one he loves until marriage. What if you two break up? then he will basically have given all that up for nothing. This is not only about what you want, but what he wants as well. And if he is cool with this after you 2 talk about it you better give him props for it, and not just over look it as "oh well he is supposed to not care he loves me" it's a little deeper then that and maybe you should put urself in his shoes. I strongly disagree with the assertions here. Just because she had sex before with other men doesn't mean she is obligated to have sex with every guy thereafter. I respect the OP for sticking to her beliefs. I understand the situation myself. I'm in my late 20s, and I've never had intercourse (by choice). However, the first guy I was involved with (when I was 18-19 years old), he and I once had some form of phone 'sex'. It was the first and only time I'd ever engaged in that sort of activity, and it felt rather degrading to me. So I decided that I'd never do that again, as I found it a turn-off. And in subsequent relationships, I didn't engage in that afterwards. I didn't think I was obligated to engage in that sort of behavior simply because I had done it before. Sometimes we learn from our past, and it's okay to implement behavior that is more in line with our beliefs in subsequent relationships. Also, I don't like the other assertion that a guy is getting "nothing" if his girlfriend isn't giving him sex. That's a really chauvinistic attitude. The first guy I was involved with that I mentioned earlier told me the same thing - that he was getting 'nothing' from our relationship, as his roommates were all having sex. So he and I broke things off. And the 2 guys after him I dated had no problem at all waiting until marriage (one of whom was a virgin himself and was also trying to wait until marriage even before we met) - so these guys certainly do exist. They are rare, but they still are out there. If sex was the only thing one wants from a relationship, then I suppose that person could say he was getting nothing. However, that person is getting the same thing that she is getting - attention, friendship, support, romance, etc. That's not 'nothing'! It's insulting to a woman to say that if she's not putting out sex, that she has nothing to offer her partner. If the other person feels that this is not sufficient and that sex is required to maintain a relationship, then of course that person is free to go pursue what he wants. And the OP can't blame him for this, as everyone needs to do what is best for him or her. However, I think it's silly that people are giving the OP a hard time for acting like there is something wrong with her for choosing to wait for sex in subsequent relationships. It's definitely okay, and she's not the only one choosing this path, as myself and many others are choosing the same.
Athena Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I agree with your statement in bold. Honestly, I'm getting really nervous and Friday approaches and I see him Wondering what happened and if you are alright?
Author conehead Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 Hey everyone, sorry for the delayed reply. Basically, I couldn't get myself to tell him anything....I guess I wimped out, thus was unable to face you all lol. So as of now, things are still the status quo. Aside from that, I accidentally glanced at a few of the headlines of some of his emails while using his computer (not intentional at all) and I saw one email of this girl he sorta dated but has supposedly remained friends with. She called him by a cute nick name and basically I froze and stared at that headline for like a whole minute when I saw it, filled with jealousy I guess lol (my bf was facing me so he couldn't see what I was looking at but he did look at me weird cuz of that frozen expression I had on my face). A few hours later I needed the computer again and noticed that he must of placed her email in some other folder because all the other emails were there except for that one. I don't know if he knew I saw it or whatever, but yea, I've been feeling kinda strange since the weekend because of that incident. I wish I never saw that email header cuz it's quite annoying to feel this way.
Enema Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 So you were snooping through his emails and saw one from a female friend. Did the content of the email besides the "cute nickname" seem inappropriate? Am I wrong to assume that you then didn't tell him about your sex hangups because you're afraid he'll leave you for her? He has a right to know.
MN randomguy Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 say: i dont want to have sex until im married. i hope you respect my choice. ta-dahhh! good luck! Yep. This nonsense about the other girl's email is not that big of a deal. If you break-up over the sex thing it won't matter if there was anything inappropriate in the email. Most likely there wasn't. He just doesn't want to risk you getting jealous as he most likely senses that there's something wrong that needs to be talked about. Of course we guys are clueless, so he may be imagining all sorts of things. Its best not to drag it out so long. My gut says he'll stay around if that helps you. However, I've never even met either of you.
MN randomguy Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Well, just realized you're talking about how much you love the BF in all of the other threads. Have you talked yet?
Admiral Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Men are biologically programmed to have all the sex they can. Keep that in mind. If you tell him, and he accepts, his conscious mind will be fighting against his instincts.
Mahatma Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Conehead, It has been a while since I posted on this thread, but I just spent time reading through this and realize you are afraid of any sort of confrontation. You fear telling your parents about your sexual past because of what they might say or think. You are afraid to tell your boyfriend of your decision because you "wimped" out. Then you are afraid to even come here and post about how you "wimped" out... Don't you see this? You have created problems for yourself all because of this. I wish I could know the circumstances to which you had sex, but I imagine the sex was to avoid a sort of confrontation. Then the denial later to your parents was to avoid confrontation. Then you realized you created a possible confrontation, so you avoid sex totally now. Oh crap that makes a confrontation, so lets avoid telling the boyfriend that too. If you just did what you actually wanted to do Conehead... As I said before, your problem with sex is the guilt you feel. The guilt you feel is not even based on you, it is based on your parents and possibly partially your religion. But you don't speak face to face with religion, so I would say it is mostly your parents. Now you can't even face your boyfriend to tell him the truth. Quit worrying about how others will see you, or what they will think. Face your parents, face your boyfriend, and finally face yourself.
Els Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Men are biologically programmed to have all the sex they can. Keep that in mind. If you tell him, and he accepts, his conscious mind will be fighting against his instincts. Oh enough with your 'biology' theories already. Our conscious minds fight against our instincts ALL the time. Because it actually has the capability to make DECISIONS. Or else we'd be peeing on the street. Or suckling on a stranger's finger that's thrust into our faces. That's how they test for diseases involving the parts of our brain involved in conscious control, by the way. While I have different opinions with the OP regarding sex and relationships, your 'reasoning' with her is, I'm sorry, just bull. Edit: To anyone who might immediately assume that I'm unfairly attacking the poster, my apologies, didn't intend it to seem so. I would recommend you checking out some of his other recent posts.
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