blacknwhite Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 posted my story here awhile ago, and thanks to those who replied. to recap: had a new group of friends who made me feel good about myself (practically a first in my life) until i spazzed out and had sex with one of them, who i felt the closest connection with. things seemed normal for a while but got steadily more awkward, until none of the group would return my calls. since posting, i gave up on him and them altogether and it's been NC for about six months. i've been in therapy trying to sort out my social anxiety issues and generally focusing on myself. i've made alot of progress and have healthier friendships as a result. but still, sometimes i see this guy on the street, and i think of the really good friendship i ruined by being needy and immature, and i cry so hard i feel like i'm three years old again. i just don't know how to put my stupid mistakes behind me. i want to contact him if only to hear upfront that he doesn't want me contacting him. things were so good until i got psycho, and part of me thinks i could make up for it a little by admitting my mistakes and asking for forgiveness, even if he never wants to see me again. am i wrong to think there's any way to make it better at this point? what would you want if you were in his shoes?
WhyYesThankYou Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Hi there, I just read your posts from back in July. Sorry to say it but it doesn't sound to me like he's keen in rekindling anything, platonic or not. Who knows why he hooked up with you when he was involved with someone else? But he distanced himself from you, and even after he broke up with her, he hasn't tried to get back in contact with you. I think that's a pretty clear sign that he's not interested. It's incredibly frustrating to feel that "connection" with someone and then have them disappear or change tack or whatever... It's like, "Hey, soulmate! Why are you being such a d!ck?!" But maybe they're not feeling the soulmate vibe. Who knows? I just hope there's another person around the corner with whom you'll feel that connection - minus the yucky psycho disappearing crap.
Author blacknwhite Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 thanks. honestly, the word soulmate didn't enter my head. i knew i wasn't ready for anything remotely serious, and i didn't think i was that invested in him. i just was (and still am, hey) horribly inexperienced socially and insecure about my worth as a human being, so any kind of friendship seemed like the world to me, and any rejection meant the end of the world. i'm generally more balanced now and can let people be themselves without projecting my insecurities onto them. but around this guy i'm a f***ing 3-year-old and i'm in lousy mood for days afterwards and it's rediculous and it makes me angry. i'll be moving to another part of town soon and probably won't run into him anymore, but i feel like there's got to be a way to not crumble completely at the sight of him.
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