CaLLiEbLuE Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I'm in a bit of a bind and I think its best to get a perspective from someone who is not involved in the situation. A night out with a close friend ended up being a night with my ex's closest friends who were at the local bar. As mature adults would do, we said hello, even exchanged pleasantries. I haven't seen my ex's very best friend in over 2 years, and he remembered me fondly. As we're sitting at the bar, he's asking how I've been, telling me about his own life, and we're catching up. He wanted to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable with my ex's friends there, even though my ex wasn't. I told him we hadn't talked in a long while and that I was fine with his friends, as we'd always gotten along. I'd said very casually, "I'm over it, he's over me, its all good!" in a good natured, water-under-the-bridge way and his best friend says outright, "he's not over anything." He asks me to go outside and proceeds to tell me that my ex still talks about me to him and their friends more often than I would have thought, that he's very open to us hanging out and seeing what happens, and that I never left a bad note. All well and good, but then, he tells me he knows he shouldn't be telling me this, that my ex is his best friend since childhood, that he cannot know this conversation ever took place. Apparently, all the guys at the bar that were my ex's friends have known all along that he's not over me, and that his most recent relationship that ended opened his eyes to a lot because of how badly the girl treated him. I'm not allowed to know any of this, despite the fact that his friends do, and I'm not allowed to contact him to "network my way back in" as his friend said. I've had a good long while to be on my own, date as I chose, and this just came out of left field. I was 110% sure that my ex was over me, that our long period of NC meant we were over for good, and then, shortly after my conversation with his best friend...my ex texted me. He kept it light, joked about how I was hanging out with his friends when he had to work, said I should hang out with him. I made sure to seem aloof, very casual, like talking to an old friend. Then, the next night he texted me again. I haven't texted him, I've been letting myself process all of this information, but its now been 2 weeks and we haven't talked. I've purposely stayed offline, and I never usually text him unless I have something interesting or relevant to say other than, "hey, whats up?" Where do I go from here? Do I text him first or let him continue to pursue me? And why is it he can tell all of his friends how he feels about me, at 25 years old, but he can't express those words to me?
Excellent Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I assume he initiated the breakup? And what was the cause of the break? If i were to put myself in his position i would do this just to test the waters, and see if there is any hint of you wanting to talk at all. He's probably being very carefull not to push you away, thinking that telling you how he truly feels will scare you off for good. Most of us guys, including myself, truly suck at being so direct when it comes to express our feelings. Because we want to make sure that the feelings are mutual before we say it, because when we do, we really mean it. I think that goes for the majority atleast, it's just how we are. In any case, if he still talks about you that often after all that time, i would think that it's genuine, and he really misses you. I don't think he's after you as a backup until he finds someone new. If you are interested in this getting anywhere, i would try to be more open for talk and even perhaps meet up with him, just to see. Playing a little hard to get doesn't hurt, but don't overdo it.
playlislay Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Hey hun, I read your history of posts. Is this the same ex that you have written about before? If it is then I think you sould stay well away! He sounds soooooo insensitive and cruel. If you think you want to go through all of that again then so be it, its your choice and your heart. If its not the same dude and you feel that what ever broke you two up has been ressolved, then go for it! Test the waters. Just play it safe and be fully aware to avoid heart break. Good luck x
Author CaLLiEbLuE Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 I assume he initiated the breakup? And what was the cause of the break? If i were to put myself in his position i would do this just to test the waters, and see if there is any hint of you wanting to talk at all. He's probably being very carefull not to push you away, thinking that telling you how he truly feels will scare you off for good. Most of us guys, including myself, truly suck at being so direct when it comes to express our feelings. Because we want to make sure that the feelings are mutual before we say it, because when we do, we really mean it. I think that goes for the majority atleast, it's just how we are. In any case, if he still talks about you that often after all that time, i would think that it's genuine, and he really misses you. I don't think he's after you as a backup until he finds someone new. If you are interested in this getting anywhere, i would try to be more open for talk and even perhaps meet up with him, just to see. Playing a little hard to get doesn't hurt, but don't overdo it. Thank you for a male perspective lol...I greatly appreciate it! I decided to text him to show that I'm not against the lines of communication being reopened, but kept it short and casual. Me: Hey I dunno if you still watch, but Rescue Me is back Him: Yeah...I do but its on when I go to work, so I'm gonna wait til the season comes out on dvd. Me: Yeah makes sense. I have the first 2 gotta catch up on the others Him: I have not seen season 4 yet either I left it at that. Didn't want to jump the gun and ask to hang out, wasn't sure if he was just stating a fact or telling me so I'd ask. Was that okay?
Author CaLLiEbLuE Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I came home from a rather typical day at school and decided to take a nap. I was feeling kind of frustrated with everything, mostly my own thoughts getting in my way, and then my phone went off to alert me of a new text message. Low and behold it was my ex saying "So when do we get to play again?" I'll admit, for a 25 year old he's still very much so like a little kid, (play would typically mean have fun, be silly)but I always liked that about him. He was young and fun and I always had a great time with him. Naturally, I responded with "I don't know" and he wrote me back giving me his schedule for this week, letting me pick a day that works! I told him Friday (TWO days from now!) works for me, but I asked, "By play you mean hang out right?" To which he said "Yeah" So I'm seriously hoping he isn't looking for a hookup, I don't think so, but...he's a guy (no offense). I'm hoping we can just hang out and have a nice day together. Now...what do we do?? We use to play video games (I'm horrible, but I try lol!) or watch TV...Any ideas!?!
Chessy02 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Go with the flow. It looks like you still have feelings for him. Hopefully you guy must have learnt for previous mistakes. Good luck.
Author CaLLiEbLuE Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 I'm not sure how I feel about how Friday went...We met up for a walk, got lunch, talked and caught up a bit. I went with everything his best friend told me in mind, and sure enough, he complimented me, brought up how he could tell me things he could never tell other girls, and I felt like "one of the guys" at first. He told me that he was single again, and as we talked, I did pick up on how much my opinion matters to him because he still holds me in high regard. Now, we went back to his house and although I went into this telling myself nothing would happen, we were like two teenagers. He was incredibly affectionate, touching, kissing, etc.The one thing that DID send up a red flag was that he said "I prefer doing things with you casually, not seriously" yet...the entire conversation after was about how he's not seeing anyone, how being with me is different because I guess he's hooked up a lot over the years and I actually care about him vs. girls who just want physical needs met. I don't know. All I know is after, he spooned me, everything was fine. I'm just confused as to what I want. I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship at 22...EVERYONE tells me have fun in your 20s, go out there, enjoy yourself, and I've been doing that. I know he's most definitely not ready for a serious relationship, especially after just getting out of one that didn't go well at all. Part of me wants to take it for what it is and continue seeing him casually, see if there's still anything left...part of me is EXTREMELY confused because I know his best friend isn't a liar. He's one of the most genuine people I'd ever met, which was the only reason I trusted him. He told me the night at the bar that my ex isn't looking for anything serious right now, that he just wants to hang out, work, be with his friends, do his own thing. But that its still possible for us to get back together. That he does still have feelings for me. So...I'm leaving this one with you guys...because I'm confused.
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