lance.dark Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Let me start by saying I'm a freshman in college with zero experience with girls(no girlfriends, no kissing, definitely no sex). So Saturday night there was a party and I was somewhat inebriated but that doesn't affect my decisions. Normally at parties I just kind of stand back since I am a terrible dancer and not extremely social. This girl had talked to me some at other parties but just as a friend. Saturday somehow she ended up dancing with me for a while and we ended up back at her room where we kissed a little and slept together(no sex of any kind, just sleeping). I had to rush off the next morning and we didn't really talk. I waited a day to see her, mostly because I was feeling really guilty for doing stuff with her and was upset that I had. Today I felt much better and wanted to see her, so I talked to her and asked where we go from here. Unfortunately she said she doesn't see it going anywhere than us being friends which is really hurting (kind of surprising). She seemed interested enough but maybe that was just her being a little drunk or someone paying her (which is entirely possible since this was my team's event and my teammates probably feel sorry for me). I had just gotten my self-esteem back too and now I feel like **** again. It is getting harder and harder to pull myself back together when every time I finally feel good something else that's new hits me like a brick. I'm starting to resent her for even talking to me in the first place. If I had just been left alone I'd be fine. I guess my question is why did this all happen? If you want more information I'd be happy to provide it.
IrishCarBomb Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 My guess is that she kinda liked you, but she saw your actions as sending signals that you didn't like her.
Author lance.dark Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 OK, well I did say while I was lying with her that I was not there because I was drunk, only because I wanted to be but I guess actions speak louder than words. I held her almost the entire night, except at like 5am when I couldn't get to sleep any other way. I also was moving my fingers lightly over her quite a lot. Not sure where that went wrong. She said she wanted to move slowly so I didn't want to do too much.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 My guess is that she kinda liked you, but she saw your actions as sending signals that you didn't like her. Not likely. I mean it was a party, people get wild during parties. Alot of drinking, alot of kissing and making out. Parties are indications are of hooking up not making relationships. I'm extremely Op that this experience didnt go well for you, but you can't blame her for anything. If you really want a relationship you have to choose a better environment and situation to start from.
Nemoralis Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Drunken party hook up. It's not that she wasn't attracted to you, but most girls who do that are only looking for a carefree hook up. Don't let it get your self esteem down, take it as a compliment. Of all the people there that she could have messed around with and danced with, she picked you. Most guys would appreciate that. The fact that she's not looking for something serious had nothing to do with you.
BobSacamento Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Dude, you tried your best. Myself, I probably would have bailed after she said she wanted to move slow. She probably got the idea that that's what you wanted too from you just lying there with her. Just got to wait for the next party and see how it goes. I would not contact her until then.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Welcome to college! A part of the experience for both young guys and girls is about hooking up. I'd see this as a positive thing. You finally got some action. I think you just have to reconcile with the reality that sometimes hook ups are just that- brief, fun encounters. A drunken kiss at a college party isn't often going to lead to a relationship. It's just something to get used to.
BobSacamento Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Reading this makes me totally miss college. So much fun.
Author lance.dark Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I was not looking for a relationship. Something seemed like she was interested before the drinking started, when we were pre-gaming I still felt like she was interested. I know I wouldn't have done this if it was just a fling, I've never been one to go out looking for hook ups. There has to be a genuine interest and what I think to be a reciprocated interest. At other parties and times, girls had tried to get me to dance and I refused and frequently left immediately. I also can't help but feel that something changed. During the night it was "let's play it slow and we'll see how it goes" to "we aren't going to be anything more than friends."
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Your approach sounds pretty uptight. Girls try to dance with you and you leave immediately? I'm sure she was interested, but in a hook up, not anything more than that.
IrishCarBomb Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Not likely. I mean it was a party, people get wild during parties. Alot of drinking, alot of kissing and making out. Parties are indications are of hooking up not making relationships. I'm extremely Op that this experience didnt go well for you, but you can't blame her for anything. If you really want a relationship you have to choose a better environment and situation to start from. True, she may have just wanted to hook up with nothing else. I still think his actions made her certain that she wanted nothing further.
Author lance.dark Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Yes my approach is uptight, but I didn't leave immediately I only left if they didn't stop attempting after I said no. I'm not and never have been interested in just hooking up with girls. I've never even really been interested in having a relationship except for 2 or 3 girls(which I never pursued). I'm not sure why this is but I was happy with it. It's not that I'm blaming her, it's that I simply don't understand why she would start if all she wanted to do was hook up. I guess she did say that she had just broken up with her boyfriend from high school a few weeks ago, but I thought that underlined the take it slow part. She is also a few years older, but only slightly more experienced than I am(according to her).
BobSacamento Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Oh did you tell her how experienced you were...?
colosseum Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 "Welcome to college" is right. I'm in college right now, and the environment is different; people aren't looking to get married, nor are they looking to get STDs. But they are, as everyone I think is, looking to have fun. And that in college sometimes means kissing with strangers/acquaintances. Sounds to me like a typical first-time experience, and I don't mean that negatively at all. I've been there and done that. You say you'd rather have been left alone. Drunken debauchery is never great, but it doesn't have to be that way, because trust me (and Shakespeare): "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." If you want to get good at meeting people and getting along with women and gain more experience (which will help you meet even more people) you're going to have to practice. Don't get down on yourself; imagine this as a learning opportunity. Get yourself out there, see what people are like, what girls are like, and what the college scene is about. You don't have to like it, but you'll definitely give yourself a lot of opportunities to meet people and gain more experience by putting yourself out there. The social/inter-personal skills you'll gain are ones that will stay with you forever and help you find the one you want in the end. Just my 2cents. Most importantly, have fun in college. That's what she wanted, and you should try to do the same, though on your own terms whatever they may be.
Author lance.dark Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 In short, yes. While we were pre-gaming she and her roommates wanted to know why I didn't dance. I told them I am a terrible dancer and therefore I don't dance. Later when we were dancing she went to kiss me and I told her that I haven't done it before. After we kissed we went to her room.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It's not that I'm blaming her, it's that I simply don't understand why she would start if all she wanted to do was hook up. I guess she did say that she had just broken up with her boyfriend from high school a few weeks ago, but I thought that underlined the take it slow part. She is also a few years older, but only slightly more experienced than I am(according to her). Sometimes people just want to fool around. Hate to break it to you, but this is the way it is...especially in college. The reason is to satisfy sexual needs. Not sure why that is so hard to understand. And you'll also get to know that most women won't be upfront about "experience".
Author lance.dark Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 There are a lot of things I don't understand about people(drinking is another big question mark). If that was to satisfy sexual needs, I'm still confused because not much sexual happened. We only even kissed for about 15 seconds total probably(I'm guessing because I was awful).
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 There are a lot of things I don't understand about people(drinking is another big question mark). If that was to satisfy sexual needs, I'm still confused because not much sexual happened. We only even kissed for about 15 seconds total probably(I'm guessing because I was awful). But you said you were drunk the night you met her.... I can't say why she stopped the kissing and went to sleep- but I think her initial goal was to fool around. Maybe she changed her mind because of the kissing, maybe she felt guilty because she misses her ex.
Author lance.dark Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I was drunk mainly because my teammates love to get me drunk since I absolutely hate it. I do like playing beirut but that's because it's a game - if my partner agrees to drink all of the beer then I play that way. I don't like the taste, and I hate the fact that I lose my coordination but not my inhibitions. I avoided the parties because of this for a while until my parents found out and strongly encouraged me to go "be social." I also remembered that she did ask me if I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave like 4 times. Maybe I should've taken the hint.
Author lance.dark Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 OK, so if anyone was interested, here is what ended up happening (if you want a quick synopsis - it's over). Did not really talk to her for a week and a half, then she sat with my team at dinner and one of the guys was being pretty ignorant. We were talking about girls we though were attractive, and since I'm the pickiest guy on the team he started grilling me about who I thought was attractive and then asked me to pick out a girl in the room who met my standards. Well I said no one in the room did, and the convo went on for a bit longer. Some of the guys thought she was hurt even though she was laughing some during that whole fiasco. Afterwards, when she was leaving I apologized and she said it wasn't a problem because she knows how that other guy is (she seemed like she meant it). Last night, I was buzzed and we were at a party and she was dancing with her friends. My teammates convinced me to go ask her to dance so I did. Instead of her answering though, one of the friends said she "couldn't let me steal her away" and the girl I was after started dancing with a different friend. So I've come to the conclusion that it's definitely done. Even if she just wanted to dance with her friends last night (which is unlikely since she didn't respond) I am not dealing with this ****. I can have pretty much any girl I want even though I'm a freshman, she had her chance (I realize this sounds bitter). Thanks for all your help and if you still have input, I'll respond.
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