Why Do You Think You Became The OW/OM??

[crystal_lostheart]

I think there are many reasons as to why we become OW/OM.

 

You see, for a period of time I never believed that I was the OW because of all the things we did together (my past threads always said this)- all of the time - it was like I was THE WOMAN. But...I wasn't...he was a MM and I was the OW.

 

It's funny, he always used that excuse...'I do everything with you', 'nothing with her' - 'it's just a matter of time before she kicks me out because she is tired of living this way'..... I used to believe all of this and now I look back and know that although he may have wanted to leave, he just couldn't do it. You see, maybe even he believed what he was saying was true....you start believing your own lies. I honestly believed that was the case with him....his started believing his own lies.

 

With me - why did I become the OW???? With all the therapy I am having to get through this...I discovered it started all with my childhood...when my mother had a breakdown and I didn't see her for almost a year and as a 3 year old child, I suffered enormous seperation anxiety from her, I missed her terribly. It's funny, I don't remember much of my childhood, but I do remember this time vividly. And life was just horrible living with her for years afterwards because she was so unwell for many years...... You see, I never dealt with these issues as a child...how could I...nobody thought back then that these issues would carry on into my adulthood...everyone just concentrated on getting my mother better as you would naturally.....

 

But the consequences then followed later in life... I got M young, clung on to my H and put him through hell, had an A and clung onto a MM. Why would I want to leave my M and put myself in an even worse position???? Because I was vulnerable and could not bare the thought of being without this MM.....that horrible seperation anxiety, fear, helplessness I felt as a child kicked in once again. Was it love or an addiction???

 

No excuse - I know I put myself in this position but my point is we do it because we have not dealt with other things in our life before. And because we can be incredibly selfish......At least I have learnt a lesson from this and now with therapy (and a lot of it) I can honestly say I am trying very, very hard to be happy with ME. I don't need another man to cling onto with dear life to try and make me happy....

 

I need to be happy with ME first before I can make anyone else happy...

 

Can other's share their story as to why they think these situations happen?

[wildsoul]

Interesting topic idea, CL!

 

I've never dated a man who was married, separated, or dating someone else before. Always had iron-clad boundaries around that. Also, I'd been cheated on by a guy I had a LTR with. Ouch. That was the most painful thing ever. Afterwards, I remember freaking out anytime I would see an affair in a movie. Ugh.

 

So how the hell is it that I got into one?

 

One part lonliness.

One part vulnerability.

One part undeniable chemistry.

With heaping doses of rationalization stirring the pot.

 

On lonliness:

I decided to end my marriage and moved into a remote area. Don't have nearby friends. My work is solitary too. I'd been lonely for a few years already though, as one of the main reasons I left my husband was that he was a workaholic who didn't want to do fun things anymore. The other reason was we stopped having sex. So after 6-mos of separation, I was ready to begin dating again. I met some nice men. No one special.

 

On vulnerability:

Leaving my marriage put me at a huge economic disadvantage. We had a pre-nup, so I left without any support agreement. My overhead was now at least double, and the economy started tanking. I was so utterly stressed! I was (am) constantly worried about making my mortgage payments, etc. Understand: I didn't get involved with MM for financial reasons. But feeling so scared, and like a failure in my business (whereby before I was very successful) made me emotionally vulnerable. Romance, appreciation, praise: these were like a lifeline to me.

 

On chemistry:

I still have the email where xMM told me he was married and I SENT HIM AWAY. God, but I was weak. He was convincing. He totally seduced me on all levels. We had a powerful biochemical attraction. I was too starved for it, and too selfish, to turn it down. And the more time we spent together, the more powerful it got. He completely fawned over me with passionate declarations of love. He could read me like no other. He would wax poetic over our future together. I still don't know how he could get inside my secret wish list so well. He was so many things I wanted.

 

On rationalization:

1. I took the bait on "let's just meet for dinner," rationalizing that it wasn't cheating. Nothing would happen. But then *wham* the chemistry was there.
   
2. I believed him when he said that his wife knew he was dating other women and that they were getting ready to separate.
   
3. After 8 weeks, I realized that she was NOT on board with him dating and I broke up with him, telling him I'd see him again only after he was separated.
   
4. He rented a room soon after and we began dating. I actually feel OK because I kept some semblance of a boundary, but it still didn't FEEL right. He was always at my place. I began wondering if perhaps he and she viewed the room rental differently. During that time, he waffled a bit when I asked if he was *really* going to move FULLY out. I ended up breaking up with him again.
   
5. A month later, he rented a full apartment. He'd done what I asked. I rationalized that he was obviously separated now, and took him back.
   
6. All thoughout our time together, we had some amazingly beautiful moments. Yet after the big move, I got to see more of what it was like to have him full time. That's what I wanted: a chance to date openly and then make a decision about the relationship based on it's own merits. He started being a real jerk sometimes. I rationalized that it might be stress. But then ultimately, he got so obnoxiously verbally abusive that I gave him the boot.
   

Oh, I forgot to add in HOPE:

xSM was an expert at playing up the "future talk." So whenever I'd seem to get worried or whatever, he'd push that button. He'd lay it on thick about our marriage, maybe having a baby, all these things I really wanted. The combined experience of such powerful chemistry, being able to get along great on the domestic front, then all that talk about our lives together is totally what hooked me and kept me in it.

 

Until I realized that he couldn't really cash that check. His shadow side (verbally abusive outbursts) + the fact that he was only separated, not divorced= THE END.

 

It became self-evident that xSM was not the loving protector that he portrayed himself to be. In fact, his angry outbursts and the anxiety of whether or not he would really get a divorce wore me down.

 

So the deal now is that I'm just as vulnerable as before, if not more as the economy has only gotten worse. But I'm climbing back out of the hole of heartbreak and intense fear, one rung at a time. I think I can climb faster without that monkey on my back.

[Meaplus3]

First of all I'd just like to say there is no justification really for how I became an OW. No matter how bad my marriage was it gave me NO right to cheat. Now why did I become an OW? Well I was in an abusive marriage and was not strong enough to end it at the time. MM sort of can along when I was very vunerable, there was chemistry and before I knew it the man nextdoor who was just a neighbor had become a close friend. The friendship lead into an ea and from that point on I was lost in a huge mess of emotion until one day I was able to see the light and move on for good.

 

Mea:)

[GreenEyedLady]

I didn't know I was the OW.

 

And when I found out, I can't say that it changed how I felt about myself. And it actually equalized the amount of power each of us had in the R, as weird as that may sound.

 

I have to say that I didn't allow him to use the excuse that I was the OW in order to disappoint me (meaning not show up on holidays or be a d***). I expected to be treated with respect and that's what I got.

 

I can't say that I really feel like I ever identified with the cliche of the OW. I always thought I was different. I never lost myself in the R. It wasn't always easy or happy but I handled everything in a way that was true to me. And I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.

 

Our R worked. And it still does. Just now we're married to each other.

 

CL: I'm glad that you are moving on. Try not to dwell on it and beat yourself up. Learn what you need to learn from your R and about yourself and move forward.

 

(((HUGS)))

[desertmoon]

My husband cheated and we became estranged--we were civil and friendly but emotionally estranged. There was no long drawn out drama. I just retreated and focus on other things in my life-my daughter, school..

 

When I met MM-he filled an emotional void. I didn't realize there was this huge void until I met him and I looked forward to talking to him everyday. It was an EA for a long time. I felt in some warped way "safe" with him in that- I didn't want to leave my marriage and neither did he (not at that time anyway, that has since changed)-so we were just there for each other, emotionally. It got gradually complicated when it became a PA.

[White Flower]

My M was going very sour and I had already been threatening D before MM came along. Ex H was emotionally abusive, a gambler, and a control freak. MM came along and was none of this. He saw me for who I was and mirrored myself back to me for the first time ever in my life. He didn't exaggerate who I was, he just recognized who I was.

 

I could have easily waited until the D was over (that was innevitable) before I found a SG but MM was front and center and soon I would find there was tremendous chemistry between us both. Never before had I felt such chemistry (this, after only kissing) and I wasn't sure I'd find it again. Would there ever be anyone else who sent shivers up and down my spine just from touching my hand accidentally? I wasn't about to let him slip away.

 

Painful as the A was, I don't regret it. Nobody found out and nobody got hurt but us, especially me.

 

To sum it up: profound love both emotionally and physically was too good to pass up. I still don't think I'll find it with another.

[crystal_lostheart]

My M was going very sour and I had already been threatening D before MM came along. Ex H was emotionally abusive, a gambler, and a control freak. MM came along and was none of this. He saw me for who I was and mirrored myself back to me for the first time ever in my life. He didn't exaggerate who I was, he just recognized who I was.

 

I could have easily waited until the D was over (that was innevitable) before I found a SG but MM was front and center and soon I would find there was tremendous chemistry between us both. Never before had I felt such chemistry (this, after only kissing) and I wasn't sure I'd find it again. Would there ever be anyone else who sent shivers up and down my spine just from touching my hand accidentally? I wasn't about to let him slip away.

 

Painful as the A was, I don't regret it. Nobody found out and nobody got hurt but us, especially me.

 

To sum it up: profound love both emotionally and physically was too good to pass up. I still don't think I'll find it with another.

 

 

I know what you are saying....it's weird that something so wrong at times has such big chemistry that you believe it's real.

 

I'm guessing you ended the A or it is over now?

[ForumFool]

THIS is a great thread..I am sorry it is still hard BUT I am so glad to see you have moved into reality and are moving forward with your life in a positive way..I have never been an OW but came close ...sometimes wish I had...but I read much on here and see how so many do not want to see that the MM lies to his wife and friends and so many ..they can't see they are being lied to too...You have a lot of self respect now......You ought to be proud of how far you have come.

 

I think there are many reasons as to why we become OW/OM.

 

You see, for a period of time I never believed that I was the OW because of all the things we did together (my past threads always said this)- all of the time - it was like I was THE WOMAN. But...I wasn't...he was a MM and I was the OW.

 

It's funny, he always used that excuse...'I do everything with you', 'nothing with her' - 'it's just a matter of time before she kicks me out because she is tired of living this way'..... I used to believe all of this and now I look back and know that although he may have wanted to leave, he just couldn't do it. You see, maybe even he believed what he was saying was true....you start believing your own lies. I honestly believed that was the case with him....his started believing his own lies.

 

With me - why did I become the OW???? With all the therapy I am having to get through this...I discovered it started all with my childhood...when my mother had a breakdown and I didn't see her for almost a year and as a 3 year old child, I suffered enormous seperation anxiety from her, I missed her terribly. It's funny, I don't remember much of my childhood, but I do remember this time vividly. And life was just horrible living with her for years afterwards because she was so unwell for many years...... You see, I never dealt with these issues as a child...how could I...nobody thought back then that these issues would carry on into my adulthood...everyone just concentrated on getting my mother better as you would naturally.....

 

But the consequences then followed later in life... I got M young, clung on to my H and put him through hell, had an A and clung onto a MM. Why would I want to leave my M and put myself in an even worse position???? Because I was vulnerable and could not bare the thought of being without this MM.....that horrible seperation anxiety, fear, helplessness I felt as a child kicked in once again. Was it love or an addiction???

 

No excuse - I know I put myself in this position but my point is we do it because we have not dealt with other things in our life before. And because we can be incredibly selfish......At least I have learnt a lesson from this and now with therapy (and a lot of it) I can honestly say I am trying very, very hard to be happy with ME. I don't need another man to cling onto with dear life to try and make me happy....

 

I need to be happy with ME first before I can make anyone else happy...

 

Can other's share their story as to why they think these situations happen?

[wildsoul]

...it's weird that something so wrong at times has such big chemistry that you believe it's real.

(Not trying to jump in on your question directed at WF.)

 

But are you saying that in retrospect, you don't belive your love was real?

 

I wouldn't say that for myself. I was really in love. He was too. Our relationship was real in that we were together for 14 months (and together a LOT since he had moved out.) It was real.

 

But the limitations of it were ALSO real. He was really married. He was really verbally abusive.

 

I'm still sorting it all out, but I wouldn't ever say it wasn't real. However I'll be the first to say it wasn't sustainable!

[crystal_lostheart]

I guess I'm not saying certain things are not real but I think as OW we sometimes foolishly believe things that we so desperately WANT to be real.... we put in 100% effort only to set ourselves up for 100% failure.

 

All the things we wanted to become real ended up causing us heartache.

 

I still love my xMM.....but I also believe I became addicted to him. An addiction that was very dangerous..... but only I know how I felt, just as you only know how you felt. I belive I did love him but it was never going to be enough....

 

Yes I love him still...Why? I don't know.....Does he deserve my love?....No....Do I still miss him?....Terribly....but I just couldn't keep living such a dishonest life.....He still tries to contact me, leaves messages crying, tries to come past and see me....I park my car in the garage now so he can't see my car...I left the place I work at as he worked there too(he was my boss)....I really made the effort to move on. I am even moving houses soon....

 

And it is so HARD..... But one step at a time.... I encourage all of you that want to get out go NC completely......if they love you, they will come back for you and make things right.....as I have said 'you are not that easily forgettable'......

 

Knowing my xMM, I think he will eventually leave his W but you know what???.... I think it will be too little too late now, especially with how much damage and luggage he comes with..... and hopefully by then I would have met a nice little hottie, single man that makes me smile everyday instead of crying.......

[OWoman]

Can other's share their story as to why they think these situations happen?

 

I became an OW because I wanted to.

 

I was sick to death of SGs and their (always unstated) demands and expectations and the roles they - and others - assumed you ought to fall into. I wanted a R on MY terms, one where I was free to be as involved as much or as little as I wanted, where I was free to prioritise the important stuff in my life (my job, my dog, my child, my hobbies, my friends) and fit a R in when I wanted it. I didn't want that clinging dependent claustrophobia that SGs sooner or later bring to a R and I was tired of having to deal with the fall-out of breaking up with them (the begging phone calls, the flowers sent to work, the cars parked for days outside my house...) when I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted a R that was nmore symmetrical - someone who had their own life, just as I had mine, and so wouldn't make stupid demands on my time, attention or emotional energy - they had Ws for that, after all - and who would respect my priorities because they themselves had constraints.

 

I learned, however, that having a W and family did not render them immune to falling in love with me, to leaving their Ws or to becoming clingy and dependent - some of them did - but found that easier to balance if they knew they were simply one of a harem, and thus had absolutely no realistic expectation of me getting gooey about them.

 

And, aside from a couple of flakes over the years who had to be dumped when they fell in love / left their Ws / got clingy, it worked pretty well. Suited me down to the ground, and worked for most of them, too.

 

And then, things shifted. My kids grew and moved on. Work stuff changed. My orientation toward many things became different. I dumped the other MMs and kept only the LDR one, spending increasingly more time with him to the point where we decided, this is what we want. He dumped his W, I tied up loose ends on my side and we got M.

 

My only regret is wasting my early 20s on SGs when I could have had what I wanted all along.

[White Flower]

I know what you are saying....it's weird that something so wrong at times has such big chemistry that you believe it's real.

 

I'm guessing you ended the A or it is over now?

CL, I find it difficult to talk about him actually. Let's just say that the love was definitely real and even stronger than the chemistry. At least for me. I'm sure I'll post about our story one day.

 

I forgot to add in my first post here that my exH had an EA which drove me insane. How could he do that to someone who loved him completely, a little miss goody-two-shoes who bent over backwards for him for 25 years? I was curious as to the why's and how's of his A and I thought starting my A when I did would sort of avenge myself. In a way it did, but I'll tell you revenge is only a temporary feeling.

[Awesome84]

I have never been an OW but came close ....

 

Yep. Me too. I was friends with a guy for 8 years and we started dating after each of us gotten out of a LTR. Things turned to the worst when I found out he was dating someone else too. I was really in love with him and he ended up marrying the other girl he was dating behind my back.

 

As hard as it was.. we remained friends. But I stopped talking to him as much even though I missed him. Anyway... one day we re-connected to catch up and things almost happened. That is when I told him that he REALLY hurt me and I stopped talking to him after that because I realized that he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wanted me but was married to her and tried to give me the whole shibang about how he didn't love her and he had made a mistake... BULLS..T!!!

 

So yea... I went NC with him for 4 months (even when he kept calling me and trying to get together with me). I ignored his calls and texts.

 

I'm glad I dodged that bullet and to this day we are still friends... but it will NEVER become anything more because I won't let it. The only time we talk is over the phone occasionally to see how each other is doing. THATS IT!!!

[Els]

I became an OW because I wanted to.

 

I was sick to death of SGs and their (always unstated) demands and expectations and the roles they - and others - assumed you ought to fall into. I wanted a R on MY terms, one where I was free to be as involved as much or as little as I wanted, where I was free to prioritise the important stuff in my life (my job, my dog, my child, my hobbies, my friends) and fit a R in when I wanted it. I didn't want that clinging dependent claustrophobia that SGs sooner or later bring to a R and I was tired of having to deal with the fall-out of breaking up with them (the begging phone calls, the flowers sent to work, the cars parked for days outside my house...) when I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted a R that was nmore symmetrical - someone who had their own life, just as I had mine, and so wouldn't make stupid demands on my time, attention or emotional energy - they had Ws for that, after all - and who would respect my priorities because they themselves had constraints.

 

I learned, however, that having a W and family did not render them immune to falling in love with me, to leaving their Ws or to becoming clingy and dependent - some of them did - but found that easier to balance if they knew they were simply one of a harem, and thus had absolutely no realistic expectation of me getting gooey about them.

 

And, aside from a couple of flakes over the years who had to be dumped when they fell in love / left their Ws / got clingy, it worked pretty well. Suited me down to the ground, and worked for most of them, too.

 

And then, things shifted. My kids grew and moved on. Work stuff changed. My orientation toward many things became different. I dumped the other MMs and kept only the LDR one, spending increasingly more time with him to the point where we decided, this is what we want. He dumped his W, I tied up loose ends on my side and we got M.

 

My only regret is wasting my early 20s on SGs when I could have had what I wanted all along.

 

Not bashing, just curious...

 

There are lots of SGs who also want to focus on other aspects of their lives... especially when young, many men tend to focus on their careers and hobbies, sometimes to the point of being addicted. Surely you've met some of those? Why not take them?

[MeaganRaye]

to prioritise the important stuff in my life (my job, my dog, my child, my hobbies, my friends) and fit a R in when I wanted it. I didn't want that clinging dependent claustrophobia that SGs sooner or later bring to a R and I was tired of having to deal with the fall-out of breaking up with them (the begging phone calls, the flowers sent to work, the cars parked for days outside my house...) when I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted a R that was nmore symmetrical - someone who had their own life, just as I had mine, and so wouldn't make stupid demands on my time, attention or emotional energy - they had Ws for that, after all - and who would respect my priorities because they themselves had constraints.

 

Wow, what do you have so I can bottle it? lol You always have SGs do this to you? lol

 

I can understand the part about how with relationships people often become so dependent upon one another, demanding a lot of your time.

[2sure]

Becoming an OW was a conscious decision on my part. I was tired of dating, and also had given up hope of meeting a quality man for a long term relationship. But I missed being taken out, affection, and attention.

So, I started dating MM as a way to get some of my personal needs fulfilled including my ego , and also getting to travel , help with finances, etc.

 

I was very fond of MM, but the benefits I received sort of kept me grounded in reality.

 

I know what I did was wrong either way...

 

But it frustrates me when I see OW on here sad about MM not leaving their wife or being inattentive...they should require more from the get go and realize it is what it is.

[White Flower]

Becoming an OW was a conscious decision on my part. I was tired of dating, and also had given up hope of meeting a quality man for a long term relationship. But I missed being taken out, affection, and attention.

So, I started dating MM as a way to get some of my personal needs fulfilled including my ego , and also getting to travel , help with finances, etc.

 

I was very fond of MM, but the benefits I received sort of kept me grounded in reality.

 

I know what I did was wrong either way...

 

But it frustrates me when I see OW on here sad about MM not leaving their wife or being inattentive...they should require more from the get go and realize it is what it is.

Very true, but it is in the pain and reflection that we learn the value of it all.

[NoIDidn't]

At first I didn't know I was the OW.

 

Then, I found out that I was and broke it off.

 

Then, I got back with him thinking I could keep it light and not get serious. So I knew I was the OW the next time. And spent the time wondering why he was with her when he spent all him time with me. She was beautiful, but dumb and lazy - the very reasons they divorced (well, her because of his cheating, him because of her laziness and entitled behavior). So I knew enough not to compare our looks. I just didn't understand the emotional hold she had on him. And I couldn't break it, no matter what I tried. And BOOOOY did I try.

 

When things got serious, I broke up with him again. And he begged me back. And after a week, I went back believing he had broken up with her - when he had in actuality asked her to marry him. GRRRR.

 

It wasn't about competition, until he started mentioning her. But I didn't like being competitive over a man - especially not him as I was being asked out all the time. I wanted him and wanted him to be all mine, not part hers and part mine. What she wanted never figured into my plans until they got engaged. I drew the line at marriage. I would not help him cheat on her if he publicly committed himself to her in front of his family and hers. It wasn't *my* responsibility, but it was MY boundary.

[sugarmomma]

I got involved with a man who lived with his ex wife because (A) I can be extremely selfish at times and want what I want when I want it (B) He gave me the impression that he had made a mistake by moving in with the XW and was on his way out of the R. Either way it lasted about 3 months and I have been no contact for almost a week. I miss him a lot but I know I did the right thing by ending it. Got tired of his excuses (i.e. had to get home before the kids went to bed). Whatever! I would not have to go through that if I dated someone who's single. I told him "Go home and work on your relationship and if it doesn't work, get back to me and take as much time as you need" In the meantime no more cookie for him. I just couldn't keep causing myself all that unnecessary pain and frustration. I STILL LOVE HIM BUT I LOVE MYSELF SOOOO MUCH MORE!! I used to suffer with really low self worth but I am getting so much better and I deserve someone who is at least unattached.

 

I lived a pretty peaceful life until I got involved with him. That was the first time I ever fell for someone that was in a relationship. I mean I fell hard too. He also seemed to fall hard until he started to flake on me by not following through on promises made. I don't deal with men who continue to disappoint me. It is just something about their energy, it becomes real negative and I don't put up with that. Anyway, I wil NEVER EVER EVER EVER get involved with another man who is physically unavailable, no matter how miserable he says he is!! NOT MY PROBLEM! GET A BACKBONE AND A HEART AND LEAVE HER! I am not a woman that needs alot of attention from a man but I do need him to be single and free! Anywho, I am well on my way and feeling better each day!!

 

Good Luck Ladies!!!!;)

[OWoman]

Not bashing, just curious...

 

There are lots of SGs who also want to focus on other aspects of their lives... especially when young, many men tend to focus on their careers and hobbies, sometimes to the point of being addicted. Surely you've met some of those? Why not take them?

 

Oh sure, they SAY that or start off like that, but then they change (or let their true colours show) and start making demands, or perhaps just subtly shifting their expectations, wanting more of you than you're willing to give. Sometimes, I reckon, it's under pressure from their friends - the constant teasing as they arrive alone yet again to a dinner party you were not inclined to go to, the company functions "with partner" that clash with your parents' evening at the school, the parents you resist being introduced to knowing what that will signal... but mostly it seems to be a genetically programmed thing in guys that once they "have" a woman, she needs to play that role in their lives. I wasn't willing to do that - I was far too busy playing my own leading role in my own life to be interested in a supporting role in anyone else's!

[Mr. Lucky]

But it frustrates me when I see OW on here sad about MM not leaving their wife or being inattentive...they should require more from the get go and realize it is what it is.

Confused by what you mean. Who should require more from the get go?

 

Mr. Lucky

[mistresswchildren]

STUPIDITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was the dumbest and most naive person on the planet. I wanted "love," and I settled for the illusion!

[NoIDidn't]

Oh sure, they SAY that or start off like that, but then they change (or let their true colours show) and start making demands, or perhaps just subtly shifting their expectations, wanting more of you than you're willing to give. Sometimes, I reckon, it's under pressure from their friends - the constant teasing as they arrive alone yet again to a dinner party you were not inclined to go to, the company functions "with partner" that clash with your parents' evening at the school, the parents you resist being introduced to knowing what that will signal... but mostly it seems to be a genetically programmed thing in guys that once they "have" a woman, she needs to play that role in their lives. I wasn't willing to do that - I was far too busy playing my own leading role in my own life to be interested in a supporting role in anyone else's!

 

Wow, what a vent! Bet you're glad that's over with.

[2sure]

Confused by what you mean. Who should require more from the get go?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Well, this is going to sound as immoral as it is...

 

MM (MW) is getting a great deal when they have an affair with a single person. Not just side sex, but also the whole fantasy fulfillment , ego stroke, and attention - with no responsibility, obligation,etc...when they go home, you are gone.

 

The single person, if they have no requirements - gets some attention, sex. Thats fine if thats ALL you want. But why not make it a requirement that you also get taken on vacation every couple of months or that he buys you a car or pays off your student loan?

 

I mean, if you are going to do it....why ensure that the benefit is all the married persons? There should be some sacrifice for the fantasy, the ego stroke, the availability.

 

Why get NOTHING? Especially when you know he /she isn't leaving.

 

I'm not cold hearted, I adore affection, warm fuzzy feelings, etc...

But NOTHING?

[Mr. Lucky]

 

Well, this is going to sound as immoral as it is...

 

MM (MW) is getting a great deal when they have an affair with a single person. Not just side sex, but also the whole fantasy fulfillment , ego stroke, and attention - with no responsibility, obligation,etc...when they go home, you are gone.

 

The single person, if they have no requirements - gets some attention, sex. Thats fine if thats ALL you want. But why not make it a requirement that you also get taken on vacation every couple of months or that he buys you a car or pays off your student loan?

 

I mean, if you are going to do it....why ensure that the benefit is all the married persons? There should be some sacrifice for the fantasy, the ego stroke, the availability.

 

Why get NOTHING? Especially when you know he /she isn't leaving.

 

I'm not cold hearted, I adore affection, warm fuzzy feelings, etc...

But NOTHING?

Wow 2sure, you make it sound like a game show. Make sure you get your cash and prizes before you leave .

 

Although I guess on some Karmic level any MP that cheats on their spouse deserves to be played in the way you describe. It's just ironic that the OW/M forum is so full of discussions about feelings and "soulmates" and you make it sound so calculated. Makes one wonder....

 

Mr. Lucky