don't understand this?

[elbowsandandangles]

I had really liked one of my close friends for around three years. I dated other people during this time, but for the most part, nothing really stuck because I had such intense feelings for my friend. I thought about him all the time, every day, and it seemed like these feelings were sometimes reciprocated.

 

This friend of mine is twenty-three and hadn't had a girlfriend since he was seventeen, whom he dated for a month and then just stopped talking to. He rarely expresses interest in girls (at least, not to me) and hasn't had much or any physical contact with a girl during this time. Our group of friends is very small and close and I am really the only girl. I was really shy about letting him know about how I felt because I felt highly intimidated by all of these things. But I just had this gut feeling that he felt the same way, otherwise I would have dropped it ages ago.

 

So, one night, I decided to just try to summon the courage and let him know how I felt, just for my own peace of mind. We agreed that we liked the way that things were going, but he felt the same way. We fooled around and went on dates and things for a few days, and then I had to go on vacation for a week to another city. When I got back, everything seemed to be going the same way, he was definitely my boyfriend and everything. Until this past weekend.

 

Friday night, we went out and everything was still fine. It didn't seem weird, we made out for a little while after everyone left my apartment, it was pretty normal. Then, Saturday, I met up with him and some friends and something was definitely off. He wasn't really talking to me, wouldn't hold my hand, it was really strange. Then, the next day, we were hanging out, and he flat out told me the following things: that he really doesn't want to lose me as a friend because of something happening in our romantic relationship, that "there's a reason he's been single for his entire adult life, it just works for him", and that dating someone just "isn't who he is" and that he "liked things better the way they were before." He insisted that I didn't do anything wrong, that I'm one of his best friends, and I tried my best to just calmly accept that. I did ask him why he told me he had feelings for me in the first place, and he told me that he just thought he did, but he likes being single better.

 

I'm not really angry with him, but I am hurt that he'd string me along like this and then just abruptly change his mind. I told him that I understood that it was maybe a little uncomfortable for him, and that I was willing to still be friends. And I really do mean that. This person really means a lot to me. I guess my question is why a person would do something like this? If he was upfront that he didn't want to date me or didn't have romantic feelings for me in the first place, it wouldn't upset me. I just wanted to know, once and for all where I stood and what was going on. Now I feel really confused and I'm just hoping that I can continue to push through the awkwardness so that things can go back to "normal."

[Timmers]

Our society is HEAVILY sexualized, and in pretty much every movie or TV show you will see romantic interests come out as part of the storyline. That to us is "normal" -- people dating, finding love, getting married etc...

 

But the problem is, while some people are heterosexual, and some are homosexual, some are simply asexual. It could really be that he's just not into having a significant other and that he feels best when by himself. And he was just trying to "fit in" by maybe seeing how things went with you, I can't blame him. If that's the case then I'd say your chances with him are pretty slim...

 

So he's flat out told you it's not working out. My advice is to forget about him romantically; there's tons of great guys out there that you haven't met yet

[SoulSearch_CO]

I hate to sound like Cherished, but maybe this one really is gay.

[elbowsandandangles]

Not to sound crass, but there is a pretty good chance of that.