Nemoralis Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Guy and I met online, he contacted me. Turns out that we have mutual friends and go to the same club every Saturday night. We texted constantly for the rest of the week, he seemed VERY interested. 1 week later, I went to his friend's house with him. He drove all the way to my town to come get me (20 minutes). We stayed all night and hung out but I was a little reserved. Ended up making out in a bedroom, but nothing else. Told him I wanted to wait a while. He took me back home the next day, told me he wanted to see me again and texted constantly for the rest of the week (saying I was beautiful and intelligent, etc.) He called once but I was brief and at work (hate talkin on the phone). The next Friday (week after we first met) I tried to plan to meet up with him but he said nothing was going on and he was gonna stay home. So I went on a date with someone else. He called me during my date to tell me that his friend decided to have another party and he'd like me to come. I politely declined, because I'd already made plans. Next night we planned to meet at the club, I showed up at our club VERY late because I'd been out with my boss (a guy, but nothing between us). I think my guy may have thought something was going on, because my boss came with me. But he didn't say anything about it and my boss left us alone. We hung out, danced, and had a good time for about an hour. He wanted me to come spend the night with him, but I'd already planned on crashing at my boss's house. (He is married, and we are just close friends). So I left the club. The next day, I asked him to come over to my place to be lazy with me and watch movies. He said he was really tired and was gonna go out on the boat with his friends to hang out. Later that day he texted me and said that he was off the boat and wanted to hang out. He was gonna come pick me up, but then cancelled because his friends were getting pissy and would not have let us come over. He apologized profusely and said that he would see me on his way out of town today (he goes to school during the week 2 hours away) but I haven't heard from him all day. Did I totally scare him off? I'm confused as to what to do. I like him a lot, he's gorgeous and a lot of fun. What do I do?
samspade Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I won't get into what he did wrong, but I'll just say that his m.o. is a little screwed up. As for you...well, I would feel a little disrespected if a date showed up with another guy, and then went back to sleep at that guy's house. I know you say there's nothing between you and your boss, but think about perception for a second. You show up late, a man in tow, and you leave with that man. Somewhere in there is a date with the guy you're interested in? You're lucky he played it cool and hung out with you two. He had every right to leave you two to each other. Then you ask him to come over and watch movies the next day. All due respect, that sounds like, "I'm alone and bored, come over." He probably blew you off because he felt blown off. And why are you crashing at the home of a married man?
Author Nemoralis Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 His m.o.? What is that? In my defense, I had let him know that I would be arriving late. We hadn't set up a specific time anyway. But when you put it that way, I definitely see how he could have taken it. And my guy did not hang out with both me and my boss. As I said, my boss left us alone. And my bosses (both he and his wife own the restaurant where I work) are my best friends. I wasn't there alone with him, and we hang out all the time.
samspade Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 M.O. = modus operandi, or "mode of operations." Simply, how he operates. I think his constant texting, making last minute plans, and the like were examples of poor dating methods and need some work. And bringing a friend along, male or female, is one of those cardinal sins of dating. It says, "I am not taking you seriously as a romantic possibility / I am testing you because I think you're insecure." You probably didn't mean it that way, but it is very disconcerting when a third party tags along on a date, in any context. Unless you're surprising him with a threesome. As a man, I can tell you that my response would be either to a) be cool with it and engage the guy as well, or b) politely excuse myself by saying "I don't want to get in the way of a friends' night out, but let's get together again soon." Deep down I'd debate whether I'd call you again, though. I can tell you probably didn't mean any harm by it, because you don't sound defensive or angry. Since you got off to a good start with him, maybe email or text him and apologize for the mixed messages, you could see how he got the wrong idea, and you should not have brought your boss, etc., etc. and you hope you can see him again - just the two of you.
Author Nemoralis Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I understand all of what you are saying. However, we were at a big club, and we both always bring friends to the club. All his friends were there, and a few more of my friends had been there earlier in the night. It wasn't supposed to be "one on one" time or anything. Just hanging out and dancing with everyone. But I can see where he got weird that I had been so late getting there because of my boss ("what were they up to?") and why I was going home with him. On another note, should I contact him again since he pretty much bailed on coming to see me today on his way out? He was very friendly last night and said he'd stop by, but he didn't and didn't even call to tell me. I feel like I messed up and feel guilty since he's always been so sweet, but at the same time don't want to seem desperate or clingy since we haven't known each other long.
samspade Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 If you think there is something there, contact him again...but like I said, own up to the faux pas. Perhaps his ego was bruised, or his buddies told him "forget her." You don't need to do it out of a sense of guilt, but if you like him, you should take another run at it. i It was childish of him not to call you, either, after making plans. Maybe you can still hit the reset button, but you may just have to do a slight mea culpa. Offer to take him somewhere perhaps (drinks, bowling). Do you think there was chemistry? Or do you just feel badly?
Author Nemoralis Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Yes, there was chemistry. We are both interesting and intelligent people and had fun together. Even if we never get serious, I'd like to keep seeing him. I also don't want him to look at me badly. We're gonna have to deal with each other every Saturday night anyway. I doubt his friends told him to forget me. They loved me and they're all gay anyway and don't give a ****. lol As far as how I should approach him, I want to call him but am scared and would be worried that he wouldn't answer. Should I just text him or send him a message on the site he first contacted me on?
Author Nemoralis Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Well nevermind, here is the letter I'm going to send him. Is it okay? ------------------------------------------------------------ You made it back to Hattiesburg yet? Look, I hope I didn't offend you by coming so late the other night and bringing Josh. If you thought something weird was going on, I promise there wasn't. He and his wife are very good friends of mine, like family. He'd just given me a huge promotion and we'd been riding around talking about what was gonna happen. Lots of stuff changing.... Anyway, I like you...want to keep it casual but think you're a ton of fun. Just didn't want you to get the wrong idea or look badly on me. =( Have a good week, k?
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I wouldn't send him that letter!! If he said he was going to stop by today and didn't have the decency to follow through or call to cancel.... isn't that pretty rude?? You went to the club with your boss and his wife? Or just your male boss? I don't know- he seems to be pretty last minute about things. Saying he has no plans then later saying he's at a party wanting you to come- asking you to come home with him after the club, saying he's busy on the boat- then asking you out when he gets back and cancelling right after. If a guy blew me off the way he did to you, there is no way I'd be contacting him. I think the onus falls on him to contact you.
Author Nemoralis Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Hmmm. I sent him the letter but I see what you mean D-Lish. I like this guy, but don't want anything too serious. Too me, he is perfect. He lives two hours away during the week (for college) which leaves me the entire week to work, date other people, and see my friends. Then he's here on the weekends for parties, going to the club, and casual sex. Plus he's really sweet and fun to be with. He responded and explained why he didn't call or anything, but I think he was mostly scared that I wanted more out of the relationship than he did. We got everything straightened out though. Thanks for the help everyone!
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