Softsoul Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We have a wonderful loving relationship. But we had some problems at the beginning: he called me by his ex's name three times and he didn't want to get rid of a toy she gave him that he had in his car on display. We solved that later, but I still have jealousy problems. After this ex left him, he was getting over her for 6 years. I'm asking myself - how can I compete with that?! I know he loves me and that he's over her now (he often tells me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him), but the thing still bothers me. I know I'm probably immature and too insecure for thinking that way, but I can't help myself. He's much more experienced than I am (he's 30 and I'm 23). I find it difficult to accept his past. How can I get past this issue?! I know it's my problem and not his, because he can't change his past. Please help.
Trialbyfire Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I've been territorial twice in my life. In both cases, it was warranted. If you have a feeling of discomfort, there's usually a reason for it.
JLee26 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I was on a very similiar road not to long ago, my H is 33 and im 27 he was married prior and yup i got the Exs name a few times, i even got HER old wedding ring because he didnt know what else to do with it and thought i might want it. Over the Niagra Falls is where it went *wink*. I know that personally i have issues with men leaving me, my father left when i was a kid and never really had that stable "Male" role model. So when i would hear Exs name or mention of a past outing with her or some other stupid inane thing i would get peed off. Jealousy is a marvelous creature!! I wasn't so much jealous of her, but wary of any other female that could be in my Hs life. Anything that could possibly take him from me. But then one day like a thunderstorm on a clear day it hit me. He wasn't going to leave me for anyone else, i was going to end up pushing him away to someone else. My negative attitude surrounding other females, Exs in particular caused some hellish fights the likes of which should not have ever occoured. My own insecurities about me not being good enough for him to want to stay was pushing him straight out the door. Almost like a well if you wont see whats wrong with me i'll shove it in your face and force you to leave me. Self fullfilling phrophicies, my mother calls it. The next time you feel that jealous rage boiling, remind yourself, there is a damn good reason he left her, and an even better reason he picked you. Hope that helps a bit.
Author Softsoul Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Thank you both for the replies. It would help a lot if he had left her, but she left him, so he didn't exactly choose not to be with her. I don't know why I have this feeling of inferiority, I just want to be the best woman in his life I guess - I know that's stupid because I'm a whole different person. I hope I can get past this soon. Other replies are also welcomed. JLee, thanks for sharing your experience.
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