techfan Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Hey all, this is kind of a general question regarding breakups and moving on. We've all read numerous threads and responses on here that happiness must come from within first. That if you don't love yourself you can't move on. And we've also read many threads and responses that state that in time, the real way to get over someone is to find a new partner (not a rebound or fwb, a new person to begin a relationship with). Everyone is different, but what do you think? Seems these two different views are a bit hypocritical. While I believe you shouldn't look to other people to make you happy or attach your identity to one person, i think being with someone can and should make you HAPPIER maybe than being single.... maybe more fulfilled, but is that right? And should you need or be happier with someone than without as long as you love yourself first? Curious of your thoughts.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 While I believe you shouldn't look to other people to make you happy or attach your identity to one person, i think being with someone can and should make you HAPPIER maybe than being single.... maybe more fulfilled, but is that right? And should you need or be happier with someone than without as long as you love yourself first? Curious of your thoughts. being with someone else will make you happier - to begin with. But then, unsatisfactory qualities creep in. The trick is complete acceptance of the other human being, and to love them enough with all your heart, knowing that one day this relationship will end. You will leave, they will leave, you will die, they will die. This is why sharing life with someone else is so precious. because nothing lasts eternally. So we should focus on the complete love and happiness we feel initially, and keep that constant. If you can do this, a relationship is wonderful. if not.... then you have an issue to resolve.....
Theorem Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 i wonder if "LOVE YOURSELF" has become a misnomer for some. For almost all people i would say regardless of the level of confidence you have in yourself and such. We are social creatures not designed for solitude , humans strive in group conditions, in this capacity i feel relationship is a necessary extension of yourself in many ways. I remember a POST another member created showing how he/she was able to replicate in his/her life all of the benefits of a relationship to get those common sought after feelings and described how it worked well. To feel needed and wanted, sexual intimacy, just chatting and so on. but using many separate friends / people to meet each individual need. this seemed like the most reasonable and healthy alternative to a full blown relationship. Getting to the point now, it makes sense to feel like a relationship enhances your life but i think MOST are not getting those needs met until they get into one. So it will always provide that illusion that a relationship in the traditional way is much better (fulfilling). i can agree that sharing your life is important, but im not so sure if it matter as to HOW you do it. (make sense? *shrug*) when it is just a DIFFERENT choice. But if those put forth the effort / planning like the member i referenced. Then perhaps more would be happier being single for much LONGER if not always. its simply a cultural and moral thing as well. The relationship just seems more romantic and acceptable...people will chase it first, its our nature and programming from biology and society. But to forget that we just have needs to be met....im not sure it matters HOW as long as your happy. an example would be some typical college bachelor guy. He parties and does his thing for a while and for some it would seem immature/unfullfilling/lame and what have you. But for him he may never desire anything else...hes living and loving his life. by meeting his needs. Knowing how to please and improve your life to me seems only REAL truth, out of all the variables. sorry for this tangent lol...rant over
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