Sam Spade Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 LovieDove24, do not hook up with a man that has this kind of an attitude. I have had friends that have been in your situation. The one's that have done well in the dating world and the marriage world are the ones that viewed their children as beautiful little human biengs and would not touch a man (or women as some of of the single parents were men) who viewed the kids as baggage or a negative thing. A decent, grown man will want you to act like a 24 year old mother. He would be disgusted with you if you acted just like a chick that has a kid. A man who views your child as something he has to deal with, like the child is some plague, will treat your child like crap. Avoid this kind of man. I agree, which basically brings back the original point that all else equal, this situation probably has a better shot with somewhat older men, rather than guys her age. Also, although the post you quote is admittedly distasteful in some respects, it is not justified to bestow streight-up negative judgement to somebody who does not actually want to deal with somebody else's child. I also think that children are wonderful etc., but this does not mean that I'd go looking for a child to raise etc. - believe me, there is a huge selection of single moms where I live (some of them scorchingly hot, but even so - not my firts choice). A child is certaionly not a negative thing, just not something I'm connected to. But, if somehow a good initial relaitonship is established, it's not a huge deal and most people would eventually accept it.
missdependant Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 It's sort of the same concept of this: I would date a single father with an infant if I really liked him. I wouldn't expect to become his children's mother, of course. But if I really liked him I would at least give it a chance. I have a cousin who had twin baby girls and ended up a single mother when she was five months pregnant and somewhere around 25 years old. She met a very handsome, great guy when the babies were about a year old. She wasn't looking for a relationship or boyfriend, but I guess things happen. So yeah... some men will obviously date a chick with an infant. She was completely uninterested in men up until this guy started pursuing her, because she was too focused on her kids. He was well aware of the fact that she had kids and they were her first priority and didn't mind. She didn't need to settle.. her standards have always been pretty high. Maybe she got lucky, i don't know. They're married now and have another child together.
MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I think an important characteristic a single mom needs to see is whether the men she dates are good examples of how their mom should be treated. That you are showing your children an example of a healthy relationship. Of course your child being so young won't be as directly influenced but children at a very young age can feel stress, etc. from their parent(s). I have two children. One older and one still a toddler. But I was a single mom at 24 with a small child. There are plenty of men out there who will date a women for how he feels about her and will see your child as a wonderful addition to the relationship. There is also nothing wrong with a man knowing he doesn't want children or to date someone with a child. We all are entitled to what we feel we can handle/live with in life/relationships. I think it's important to let the guy know after the first few dates that you have a child but do not introduce the child into the relationship right away. Some people may disagree but I have done and have seen others introduce their child(ren) way to early into a relationship (before the adults even know where it is going) and the children get attached and hurt........even infants bond very young with the people around them too. And we do have different priorities as parents. This also goes the other way. There are many guys out there that have children at a young age. I guess the dynamics of the child often (but not always) residing with the mother is what changes things. I wonder how people on this thread feel about that? Some (I know not all) young men have children with a woman and then go on their merry way dating other women while the mom is left to deal with this very situation we are talking about. I personally am proud of you for having the strength to raise your child on your own and not taking one of the alternative ways out that are so readily available nowadays (I'm not putting anyone down that has...I may not believe in it nor would I personally make that choice but I'm me--people are entitled to their own choices). I'm sure there is a man out there that will feel this way too and see the strength in your character for having gone through this on your own. And see that when you love/care about something you stay with it/her/him. Don't settle. Know what you want for yourself and your child....make the attributes realistic but healthy for YOU and your child. I don't know if you have a good support system as far as family but I have almost always been able to find a family member to watch my child if I want to go on a date. So single mom's aren't always limited on what they can do. Maybe you can't take off for a 3-week vacation at this point in your life.......but there are plenty of other things to do and somewhere down the line that vacation will be possible. You said the father isn't in the picture right??? Are his parents? IDK these things may not even be what you need. But I've been through the single mom dating thing. So if you have any questions.....I'd be happy to talk to you. Good luck to you!
Lizzie60 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Bottom line.. if you meet a guy and he has a problem with your kid.. RUN!!!!!
angie2443 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I agree, which basically brings back the original point that all else equal, this situation probably has a better shot with somewhat older men, rather than guys her age. Also, although the post you quote is admittedly distasteful in some respects, it is not justified to bestow streight-up negative judgement to somebody who does not actually want to deal with somebody else's child. I also think that children are wonderful etc., but this does not mean that I'd go looking for a child to raise etc. - believe me, there is a huge selection of single moms where I live (some of them scorchingly hot, but even so - not my firts choice). A child is certaionly not a negative thing, just not something I'm connected to. But, if somehow a good initial relaitonship is established, it's not a huge deal and most people would eventually accept it. There is nothing wrong with a man or woman who does not want to deal with someone elses child. My post was meant for the OP. I was simply telling her that when it comes to dating, she wants to avoid the men who don't want her child in the picture.
Author LovieDove24 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 I'm sorry if this is hard but I think honestly will help you. I am a 25 year old up and coming professional at the start of his career. I am a tall, average looking and well built man and I would date you. BUT and this is a very BIG but - having a child is very negative. You would need to make up for that in a number of ways by : Being an exceptional person and men will date you regardless - failing that. 1) Be hot. 2) Give lots of head. 3) Clean, cook food and show me how easy and how little of a burden on my life you are going to make this child. 4) Give lots of head. The child effectively means that you are used goods. That means that a lot of men like myself are going to be thinking ' what good is she, she's already had a kid, why would I want to have responsibility for a kid that isn't mine'. We know we're only dating but we'll all rightly assume that eventually your problems, will become 'our' problems if things progress. Finally act like a 24 year old chick that has a kid. Not a 24 year old mother. Wow, just....wow. So, by the first bolded statement above does this mean you only date virgins? And with the second bolded statement, I have to comment I most certainly don't look at or refer to my daughter as a problem. So no, I don't expect anyone to "take care of my problem." ::Shudder::
Author LovieDove24 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 LovieDove24, do not hook up with a man that has this kind of an attitude. I have had friends that have been in your situation. The one's that have done well in the dating world and the marriage world are the ones that viewed their children as beautiful little human biengs and would not touch a man (or women as some of of the single parents were men) who viewed the kids as baggage or a negative thing. A decent, grown man will want you to act like a 24 year old mother. He would be disgusted with you if you acted just like a chick that has a kid. A man who views your child as something he has to deal with, like the child is some plague, will treat your child like crap. Avoid this kind of man. THANK YOU! I find it disturbing when women are at "da club" three nights a week while their child sits home alone. Bored person, if you find this sort of mother more appealing than a respectful one just because she's "acting her age" you've got it way wrong mister.
BCCA Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 THANK YOU! I find it disturbing when women are at "da club" three nights a week while their child sits home alone. Bored person, if you find this sort of mother more appealing than a respectful one just because she's "acting her age" you've got it way wrong mister. Most women I've met that are under 30 are at 'da club' all the time regardless of whats going on. A lot of them have financial problems, boyfriends who are left at home, and children to take care of, but they cant get over the easy attention that strutting their stuff at club brings them.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Most women I've met that are under 30 are at 'da club' all the time regardless of whats going on. A lot of them have financial problems, boyfriends who are left at home, and children to take care of, but they cant get over the easy attention that strutting their stuff at club brings them. Tell me about it. My GF knows a 38 year old single mother of two who's at the club every weekend. She leaves her children with someone else while she's at the club gettin ran through by some random stud for the night. How awesome is that?
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