mr.dream merchant Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Me personally, all things equal with an exception of one woman having a child and the other not, I'd choose the latter.
D-Lish Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 My girl friend got pregnant by accident when she was 30- the father took off immediately and she became a single mom. It didn't interfere with her being able to get dates- she's extremely hot and charismatic... but a lot of the guys didn't stick around because of the situation. When she was 34- she met a 26 year old guy, super smart, funny, hot (none of us thought they would work out)... but they are now married with another child of their own. He himself admits he had always said he would never date a woman with kids... but when he met her, it just didn't matter.
Enema Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 To answer the question. No, I would not date a woman with children. I'm a 28yr old male and have no intention of ever having children.
BCCA Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 What DOES get to me though is when people think I should be lowering my standards solely because I'm a single mama You should never lower your standards just to have someone, period. I see people go through such ridiculous lengths just to be married, and then they realize its not all its cracked up to be. No, I would not date a woman with children. I'm a 28yr old male and have no intention of ever having children. Well, I kind of feel the same way, although if she already had a child, Im sure it wouldnt be a deal breaker. He himself admits he had always said he would never date a woman with kids Ive said the same thing a million times, but you know what? If I found a cute, fun, and awesome young lady that happened to have a kid, it wouldnt bother me.
alphamale Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 How many men would date a single woman with an infant?... dating women with small kids is a lot easier than dating women with teenagers. teenagers don't want their mom to be with anyone and sometimes even try to sabotage the relationship...
samspade Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I clearly stated that men who fall in love with women despite the fact that they have children are likely to be unselfish and less self-centered. Hmm. Well, I wouldn't date a woman with children. But part of that is I realize that a child will and should always take priority over everything else. Perhaps that can be interpreted as "I won't be second banana" and I'm selfish for that. In any case, I recognize that someone else's child is not a part of my equation right now, so I'd be disingenuous if I dated a single mother, even if my actions were selfless. There is another dynamic at play, which is the notion that one man is raising another man's offspring. One man was selected for procreation, another man is selected for providence. It's probably an uncomfortable topic that will spark some debate. I know most situations run deeper than simple evolutionary concerns, but you can't discount this part of it.
FleshNBones Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 There is another dynamic at play, which is the notion that one man is raising another man's offspring. One man was selected for procreation, another man is selected for providence. It's probably an uncomfortable topic that will spark some debate. I know most situations run deeper than simple evolutionary concerns, but you can't discount this part of it.I absolutely agree. I see kind and generous men taken advantage of by these women. These are hardworking guys denied children of their own only to subsidize slacker children from slacker fathers. Seriously, we need more hazards to remove stupid people from the gene pool. If the children were allowed to starve to death, women would be less inclined to do this.
westernxer Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I don't think I could ever date a women with an infant. Not that I'm superstitious, but it feels very taboo.
alphamale Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I don't think I could ever date a women with an infant. Not that I'm superstitious, but it feels very taboo. some women's boyfriends are infants, would you sleep with them?
westernxer Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 some women's boyfriends are infants, would you sleep with them? **snicker**
Author LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I absolutely agree. I see kind and generous men taken advantage of by these women. These are hardworking guys denied children of their own only to subsidize slacker children from slacker fathers. Seriously, we need more hazards to remove stupid people from the gene pool. If the children were allowed to starve to death, women would be less inclined to do this. I respect SamSpades opinion because it is his opinion to have and mostly because of the way he presented it. YOUR post on the other hand I have no respect for since it was nothing more than mere slandering.
Author LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 To give another woman's perspective - well of course having kids matters. Certainly it might alter the dating pool, in the sense that there will be guys who care. And you know what? That works both ways. I'm in my 30s; when I was dating a few years back, I decided I didn't want to date guys who already had children (guess what; it worked out fine - this despite hearing messages on this here board that that might be asking too much at my advanced age). See, there's a fine point here. I don't think that the fact I didn't want to take on the challenge of someone else's children means that those guys with children will probably have to "settle." It means I simply wasn't the right person for them. There are a lot of people in this big wide world, and many of them are people who are going to be better suited. What I do not understand is the endless stream of "listen up, lady, I'm gonna tell it like it is to ya; accept my words as gospel truth or prepare to die alone" that goes on sometimes. It's demoralizing and unnecessary. So you don't want to date someone with kids. Cool. Does that then mean she has to scrape the bottom of the barrel? No. Present company excluded, of course, but supposing that some of the guys who don't want to date her are sitting at the bottom of the barrel? It's possible they weren't the be-all and end-all of her dreams anyway. Well then! She's just weeded them out. Like I said; I had similar criteria. I get it, guys. Everybody has criteria. For some, it may be to date people without kids. But for others, it may be to date people who are okay with kids. So, those are her criteria now. That is the more rational way to look at it. The rest is just catastrophizing based on someone's panicky assessment who doesn't even know her. I hear ya on this one Serial Muse. Even that last sentence I said I brought this thread on myself full knowing the truth in my heart anyways: my standards wont be lowered no matter what. But I agree with you. Its ok if guys don't want to date me because I have a child...essentially that means I don't want to date them either. Problem solved!
somedude81 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Exactly! In the U.S. having a baby really doesn't diminish your dating pool that much, maybe like 10%, and that goes down dramatically as guys age. The older a man gets, the more open he is to dating a woman who has children. It also depends on his maturity level and life situation. In my opinion it would be difficult to find a man under 30 who would stick around and be there for the long haul. I'm not saying that a man under 30 would not date a woman with kids, but don't expect him to help raise your child. In other words if you are looking for a "father" for your daughter you should only be dating men 30+. Just a warning though. Most men who are 30 and single, may be divorced and have kids of their own. As for myself. I might date a single mother for a month or so and that's about it.
boldjack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 My wife had a child by a previous marriage, nuff said.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I know it sounds primitive and pig headed but the thought of fathering another man's seed is just a turn off. Not like it disgusts me, it just is for some reason. Maybe instincts? Who knows.
alphamale Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 My wife had a child by a previous marriage, nuff said. how do you get along with said child?
Virgo1982 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 There's also the fact that a woman would not expose her children to every man she dates. And a guy will be making a huge leap when he agrees to start spending time with the child because he knows it isn't fair to play peek-a-boo. The situation requires maturity on both sides. Also, it is better to be alone and provide a healthy atmosphere for your child, than being in a bad relationship just to have someone. Parenting requires some sacrifice.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I have issues dating men with children- I've done so a couple times in the past and both times there was too much drama with the ex-wife or the children not being accepting of their father dating. I'd consider it if a guy came along that I liked- but if any drama resulted because of it,I wouldn't stick around.
Author LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 As for myself. I might date a single mother for a month or so and that's about it. And the reason being....???
Author LovieDove24 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Alpha, Just like beer and brats. Mmmm my Wisconsin tastebuds are on overload!
boldjack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Oh yes, it's about that time!! Go Tigers, Go REdwings, go Pistons!! Sam Adams Boston Lager and Stadium Brats with Spicy brown mustard and onions.YYYYYYUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
sally4sara Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I absolutely agree. I see kind and generous men taken advantage of by these women. These are hardworking guys denied children of their own only to subsidize slacker children from slacker fathers. Seriously, we need more hazards to remove stupid people from the gene pool. If the children were allowed to starve to death, women would be less inclined to do this. Is there ANY decision we can all agree men make of their own choosing or do we just think men are the most highly manipulated creatures ever? And when I say "we", I mean you. Do you really think women are the ones inclined to create these situations when unplanned pregnancy happens and the guy walks away? OP, you do not need to settle. In fact, it is now even more important that you do not settle because it isn't just you who will be effected now. Your child deserves better than that. Don't introduce guys to your kid till you know the substance of their character to be good.
BobSacamento Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 A man who would turn down a woman because she has an infant isn't really worth your time.
LostFocus Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I have and would date a female with a child but the situation is complicated. I would really have to be really interested in the girl.
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