Ayla Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Hi again. I need some insight or advise - my story is really long and have written a thread previously explaining it (if you can have a read). But in a nutshell my bf broke up with me out of the blue 3 weeks ago (I have raked my brain and there was no signs at all). the week before we broke up he told me that "Princess - what we have might not be perfect - but no relationship is. What we have is better than what most people have". 2 days before we broke up I thought we were the happiest people in the world...anyway so I moved out and am moving back to our home country. Basically it was fear of commitment. The day before I left the country he came to see me and was really mean and cold and I evetually found out that he slept with someone else the night before - just sex. I am struggling with the thought that he thought so little of me and what we had. It has now been 2 weeks since I heard from him/saw him. When i found out the he slept with someone else I told him not to contact me and that I hated him. I was so angry and hurt. Anyway - since then I have been pretty good considering I am moving country, have no money, no home and no job. I emailed him once to say I missed him on Easter Friday and I also sent him a letter. But I have not heard from him at all. I have spoken with our friends and they have said that he is very quiet, not himself, doesn't look to good and they find it very strange that he has not contacted me at all. They think that he hasn't for 2 reasons: 1. I told him not to contact me 2. He knows he has done the wrong thing and hurt me badly and is most likely too embarrassed to... What can I do to fix this? I miss everything about him, I also miss my home. Please help.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I see many people discussing no contact. You still wonder about him after he has cheated on you? I'm really not sure what you are asking of us. Perhaps because you have no clue either. You told him not to contact you. Now you are wondering why he has not contacted you. I think you need to decide what it is you want, before trying to work out what he wants.
apple21 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 This is an extremely tough one. Once someone cheats in a relationship, the trust/bond that was once there is completely broken. And even if both people were willing to do whatever they could to fix what was broken, it would stay take a while and be a lot of work. This guy made a stupid mistake. A big one. And he knows it. And he knows he hurt you. And this kind of thing is not something you can just say sorry and give you flowers and it will go away. And he knows that too. I'm assuming that he probably feels like he doesn't deserve you and because of what he did, he'd rather not see you because of how much he hurt you. Now, how to fix this or get him back? I would say that the best way to communicate with him has to be face to face. Because writing a letter, calling, texting, emailing at this point doesn't do justice. Plus you don't know if you'll get a response. I don't know if you can still see him, since you moved out, but if there was any way that you could meet up with him, you should do it. And everything needs to be layed on the table when you guys talk. OR, you can go no contact, try to heal up and if he wants to talk to you and fix things up, he knows where to contact you.
EasyHeart Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I think this situation is different than most, because you told him not to contact you. By not contacting you, he is being respectful and doing what he thinks you want. So if you want to talk about getting back together with him, you are going to have to make the first move. He won't contact you if you told him not to! This same thing happened to me once, when my GF broke up with me and told me she needed time alone to heal. She told me not to contact her at all, so I didn't. About 3 weeks later, she called and was really angry because I hadn't contacted her!!!!
Author Ayla Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Sorry - I must not have made myself clear. He did not cheat on per se...he slept with someone else 3 days after breaking up with me. So whilst not technically cheating I still took it as betrayal. I was still living in our home - packing my stuff. In regards to your comment apple21 - we can not do face to face as I have already left the country. I would think the email with a one line saying I miss you and the letter would mean I want contact - or am I wrong in thinking that? I hate this! I just wish I could wake up form this nightmare.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Ayla, you made the decision to leave the country which is a big step, because you ran away from the problem. But because you took the directions that you did, at least you'd given yourself an opportunity to reflect on things and move on positively. Right now, you're by yourself, which is fine because you're your own explorer. If you can't get back together for that same reason, you shouldn't regret it either. Your priorities are to set your life in order, find a residence, settle down, get a job, and work on yourself. By setting goals you be less concerned about him and more focused on your own aspirations.
Author Ayla Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Yeah - I would have stayed in the country we were living in - unfortunately this country is very small and within the expat community everyone knows everyone. In addition to that - I had no where to stay/live. So I did not realyl have a lot of choice. I am trying to focus on getting a job, home etc etc, but it is really hard to focus sometimes. I have my good days and my bad days - today is a bad one. It just really hurts to think that he thought so little of me and our relationship - and am not even sure he does think that....but that is how his actions have made me feel. Nothing makes sense. It is like one day we were all happy and the next like a switch had been flicked off and a completely different person took over. I just wish he would contact me.
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