SBG04 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 An unsent letter to my ex-fiancee of 5 years. Dear *******. Why did you mess up both our lives just because you couldn't be bothered getting out a job? Instead, you stayed at home, got depressed and spent 16 hour days playing Warcraft. You took your depression out on me, on us. I encouraged and supported you to get a job and get out of the house because I could see what It was doing to you, but you only snapped back. I'm not saying I wasn't to blame. I stared my own business and could not afford to take us out for dinner and go places. As your 'man', I was not fulfilling my duties of providing for you. Although I gave you all the time and love I could possibly give. But we did make a pact that the first 2-5 years were going to be tough with the start of my business but we loved each other and made a pact to stay together and get through it. What did you interpret 'tough' to mean? Because two and a half years later, you left me. So when we could not afford our own places straight away, why did you break our one and only rule which was not dating anyone while still living under the same roof? Why could you not wait, or say no? Why did you then lie about it to me when I asked you if anything was going on with your "friend"? You said you hid it from me to save me from the pain you knew it would bring to me. I appreciate your intentions, but the pain of finding out through other means was excruciating. I felt like a played fool. Why are your going out with this looser? Sure he seems to love you and he is not some crack addicted junkie I probably paint him out to be (although it would help my case). But he does not take care of you properly, he does not support you like I do, he is still a boy even though he is a year older than me. He is an idiot and has demonstrated this several times. The act which I will NEVER forgive him for was taking you out to a city bar to catch up with his friends one day after you had surgery to abort our baby which you were still in pain and sick from. I thought he was your friend who was coming around to take care of you while I had to go to work. I was wrong. Why have you given so much and "loved" the first guy who you met after ending us? How could you 'love' the next guy as much as you claim to only a couple of months after breaking it off with your fiancée of 5 years. Why can't you see that it's not 'love', it is only something new and different in your life which is not hard after leading a life playing warcraft, not getting out of your pajamas 6 days a week? Why can't you see that all we needed was to get out of the house and have a change in our lives? When ever we did do something special, we were both very happy, enjoyed each others company and were very intimate, both body and mind. Why do you choose to block these from your memory? Why when I bring them up to you get angry at me for doing so? One of these fantastic times when we went away was only 5 weeks from you ending us. Why can't you see how much getting out of the house helped you enjoy life and me? We were still in love, you just fell so far into a rut in your life you could not see it. But why do I feel so much anger for the person who has taken the best aspect of my life away from me, and yet, also feel so much love, desire and a need to be with you. There is nothing that I would not do or give to have you back. You are the best thing that had ever and will ever happen to me. Still living here in the same house with you is an emotional wreck, seeing you come home every morning from his house, and returning to his house every night. I can't wait to not have to see this and have my heart sink on a daily basis, but I also know how much I will miss you. Why do we still get along so well? Why can we still laugh and talk? But please, why do you have to talk about him? Why do you have to talk about your plans to buy a house with him, and things which you are doing? He has stolen my life and I just can't bare it. Pretty soon, I will be able to move out, and he will move in with you, completing the process. I now need to find share accommodation, while you find a home to live in with your new boyfriend, along with our pets who I will miss so much. I acknowledge that you have found someone new. I have given up hoping that you will not turn around tomorrow and want me back. But why is it, after all this pain, do I still want you back? What can I do to have you back in my life? If you can answer any of my questions, please do so, because I clearly have a lot and need to know what I did wrong. I'm trying to move on, but it is hard when I consider my mind and heart as still belong to you. Yours Truly, The guy who still loves you.
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