he's screwing with my head.. male POV needed

[stillupset]

we'd been on and off for a while but it's been officially over since 2 months ago. a coupla weeks after the breakup, he got a new gf who i totally dislike cos she came over to comfort me right after the breakup and said i wasn't pretty and stuff that made me feel bad about myself.

 

it's been such a shock to me cos i was his first love and my ex loved me very deeply when we were together for 2 and half years. after we broke up he said he didnt love me anymore and he was over me.

 

i really thot it was all over and done with but a month after we broke up, he called me to tell me he was with that girl and even asked me for advice. i just listened and everything cos he sounded so confused. then he called me again a few days later and got jealous about all this time i spent with my guy cousin. and when he called for a third time a week later, i couldn't handle being screwed with, so i got a friend to answer it for me.

 

he knew i was avoiding him so he texted me asking if i wanted our photos back. i said no. he called my friend up and she told him to stop calling me and give me time to move on. and he kept asking why cos he needed someone to talk to and i was his best friend. then he said he's over me so he won't call me anymore.. but he then kept bugging my friends how i am and whether i found a new guy.

 

at a mutual friend's party, i went really late cos i was too afraid to face him, and he bugged my friend whether i was avoiding him. he told a few of my friends that he heard i found a new guy. they just said yea, but we're not together yet and they don't really know what he's like. i don't really have a new guy, but there are some guys who seem interested.

 

he hasn't called me for a week since then.. but his friend asked my friend if i found a new guy again. it's really annoying. i've been living my life and having lots of fun with my single life and partying and all that. but recently i've been crying a lot because i feel so confused now. what does this all mean? he has a new gf so why does he keep bothering about me, especially so soon after the breakup? why does he sound like he's all over the place? i really feel like i'm being screwed around with here.

 

i was very very special to him before and it's so hard to believe that he can just lose the feelings and be with someone else. i've been tryin to come to terms with that. i still love him very much.. i dunno if i still want him back.. but i just want him to regret hurting me and losing me like this.

[Paralyzed]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm going through something similar myself at the moment. The reason he is still contacting you is because he wants to keep you on a string. If things don't work out with the new girl he can come back to you. You're his reliable backup. He knows that you love him, and he uses it against you. It's extremely cruel. You should keep avoiding him. There is always a chance of getting back together in this situation, but, he will just do it again. He sounds like an A-Hole.

[Janus_28th]

@Paralyzed

yeah that guy is making a puppet out of stillupset (wordplay lol!)

She must cut off the strings asap.

 

 

@stillupset

Male POV? Girl, even guys would side with ya in this case.

That guy's numb, (your ex). He thought it's ok to leave ya and come back for advice like nothing happened. Girl, now that you're avoiding him go enjoy yourself. Get yourself busy so that you won't even get to think of him. Meet new people, the world is sooo big to focus on him alone.

 

Walk your path. Every road has its crossroad, where various individuals will come across you. Some are worse, but some are better. Nevertheless every person we meet, whether s/he be an A-hole or some wise person, we will learn a lesson or two.

 

As you walk along, don't look back. You might lose sight of the better things ahead. Hope this 2 cents of mine helps.

[stillupset]

thank you so much for the advice paralyzed and janus~~

 

i have no choice but to avoid him. cos when he wants to be friends, i don't think i can handle him getting jealous or saying stuff to make me confused. i don't think it's really fair to his new gf too.

 

when we broke up, he said how necessary it was as we were both young (i'm 21 and he's 23) and need to experience more in life to grow up. i agreed cos i thought he's immature, and lacking esp in social skills. it would be okay if he went out to enrich himself or look for a good graduate job. but this turned out to be a big disappointment.

 

he seemed so genuine before. i made him very happy. he used to do absolutely anything for me. he would tell his friends how his goal in life was to make me happy. and he would cry everytime i was upset or insecure. but now he really changed. is this really possible? i don't see how he could have put on such a show for almost 3 years.

 

i used to think his gf was very nice, popular and friendly. is it unhealthy to hate her? i usually don't dislike girls. but i heard she's been throwing herself at him while we were off for a while. a lot of other guys said she's too flirty and fake with them as well.

 

some of what she told me before they got together:

• all these girls my ex hung out with were much prettier than me.
  
  
• my ex thought i gained too much weight.
  
  
• "he used to tell me how beautiful and perfect you were, but when i first met you, i expected to meet someone different.
  so
  don't worry, he loved you for who you are."
  
  

sometimes when i cry, i really feel like crap when i think he preferred her over me so she must be better than me in his eyes. i'm so upset that i have to lose out to someone like her. i don't see how she can make him happy in the long term. and i pity him for being surrounded by superficial people.

 

i have friends who have hurt their exes and really regret it when it's too late. is the only way to make him regret for me to move on?

[Darkness7]

thank you so much for the advice paralyzed and janus~~

 

i have no choice but to avoid him. cos when he wants to be friends, i don't think i can handle him getting jealous or saying stuff to make me confused. i don't think it's really fair to his new gf too.

 

when we broke up, he said how necessary it was as we were both young (i'm 21 and he's 23) and need to experience more in life to grow up. i agreed cos i thought he's immature, and lacking esp in social skills. it would be okay if he went out to enrich himself or look for a good graduate job. but this turned out to be a big disappointment.

 

he seemed so genuine before. i made him very happy. he used to do absolutely anything for me. he would tell his friends how his goal in life was to make me happy. and he would cry everytime i was upset or insecure. but now he really changed. is this really possible? i don't see how he could have put on such a show for almost 3 years.

 

i used to think his gf was very nice, popular and friendly. is it unhealthy to hate her? i usually don't dislike girls. but i heard she's been throwing herself at him while we were off for a while. a lot of other guys said she's too flirty and fake with them as well.

 

some of what she told me before they got together:

• all these girls my ex hung out with were much prettier than me.
  
  
• my ex thought i gained too much weight.
  
  
• "he used to tell me how beautiful and perfect you were, but when i first met you, i expected to meet someone different.
  so
  don't worry, he loved you for who you are."
  
  

sometimes when i cry, i really feel like crap when i think he preferred her over me so she must be better than me in his eyes. i'm so upset that i have to lose out to someone like her. i don't see how she can make him happy in the long term. and i pity him for being surrounded by superficial people.

 

i have friends who have hurt their exes and really regret it when it's too late. is the only way to make him regret for me to move on?

 

First of all, I'm sorry you're hurting so much! It's an awful feeling to think someone has just changed and left you because of it. (I was in the same position with my ex fiancee). I do believe it is possible for people to change, especially when they are young...goals change and people become different. I do doubt though that he suddenly changed just like that, if he used to do everything for you and you had a good and healthy relationship before. Do you think he might just be confused and maybe struggling with personal problems at the moment? That he can't deal with being committed to a realtionship at the moment because he doesn't want to hurt you cos he can't give 100%? Also, just because he is surrounding himself with other people does not mean he is over you...maybe he is even just trying to fill a void, but it's not like he would come and tell you if it's not working, it doesn't mean he is truly 'happy.' I think what you need to do now is try and move on, because that's the best way of getting him back. He needs to see that you are being strong and coping without him, then you will show all the traits you did that made him fall in love with you in the first place and he'll be more inclined to come back to you.

[Janus_28th]

thank you so much for the advice paralyzed and janus~~

 

i have no choice but to avoid him. cos when he wants to be friends, i don't think i can handle him getting jealous or saying stuff to make me confused. i don't think it's really fair to his new gf too.

 

when we broke up, he said how necessary it was as we were both young (i'm 21 and he's 23) and need to experience more in life to grow up. i agreed cos i thought he's immature, and lacking esp in social skills. it would be okay if he went out to enrich himself or look for a good graduate job. but this turned out to be a big disappointment.

 

he seemed so genuine before. i made him very happy. he used to do absolutely anything for me. he would tell his friends how his goal in life was to make me happy. and he would cry everytime i was upset or insecure. but now he really changed. is this really possible? i don't see how he could have put on such a show for almost 3 years.

 

i used to think his gf was very nice, popular and friendly. is it unhealthy to hate her? i usually don't dislike girls. but i heard she's been throwing herself at him while we were off for a while. a lot of other guys said she's too flirty and fake with them as well.

 

some of what she told me before they got together:

• all these girls my ex hung out with were much prettier than me.
  
  
• my ex thought i gained too much weight.
  
  
• "he used to tell me how beautiful and perfect you were, but when i first met you, i expected to meet someone different.
  so
  don't worry, he loved you for who you are."
  
  

sometimes when i cry, i really feel like crap when i think he preferred her over me so she must be better than me in his eyes. i'm so upset that i have to lose out to someone like her. i don't see how she can make him happy in the long term. and i pity him for being surrounded by superficial people.

 

i have friends who have hurt their exes and really regret it when it's too late. is the only way to make him regret for me to move on?

 

 

 

 

glad to be of service...yeah move on, he'll regret it because you will strive to be happy (who wouldn't?). More so when he sees ya with someone else. But don't you make finding someone as an excuse to make him feel bad, when you find someone who's worth it, keep him. Revenge is bad karma. :whistle:

[stillupset]

First of all, I'm sorry you're hurting so much! It's an awful feeling to think someone has just changed and left you because of it. (I was in the same position with my ex fiancee). I do believe it is possible for people to change, especially when they are young...goals change and people become different. I do doubt though that he suddenly changed just like that, if he used to do everything for you and you had a good and healthy relationship before. Do you think he might just be confused and maybe struggling with personal problems at the moment? That he can't deal with being committed to a realtionship at the moment because he doesn't want to hurt you cos he can't give 100%? Also, just because he is surrounding himself with other people does not mean he is over you...maybe he is even just trying to fill a void, but it's not like he would come and tell you if it's not working, it doesn't mean he is truly 'happy.' I think what you need to do now is try and move on, because that's the best way of getting him back. He needs to see that you are being strong and coping without him, then you will show all the traits you did that made him fall in love with you in the first place and he'll be more inclined to come back to you.

 

i have to say, we did not have the healthiest of relationships. in 2007, i got depressed for a year and my ex would stay with me everyday, cleaning my house and making sure i ate while i was feeling really suicidal. there was a time that i got really insecure, emotional and threw tantrums. i was very stressed and my family was really pushing me to stick with my law school so he was very understanding.

 

but in 2008, i got out of my depression and made a conscious effort to improve myself. i realised how difficult it was for him so i threw less tantrums, i got more excited about his personal growth. i took up oil painting, volunteering, kite boarding and hung out with my friends when he went on exchange to japan for 4 months. we did fight quite a bit. and there was once that i felt he was lonely and upset, so i flew to japan the next day without telling anyone and we had a really great time.

 

i'm sure our fights took a toll on him. he got so easily agitated that he would swear at me and insult me. everytime he did that, i broke up with him. and he would come back to me crying and apologising within a couple of weeks.

 

he knew i had improved and put in a lot of effort. it got really peaceful, but he wasn't as understanding as before. i didn't blame him. i felt that the relationship was kind of toxic and full of misunderstandings. it didn't help that we were both immature even though we both tried hard.

 

i felt the biggest thing driving the relationship was our love for each other. when we broke up, he said he always wanted to marry me and he doesn't know what changed.

 

the last few months before the break up was quite complicated. but just before the break up, he seemed really confused and frustrated easily. i thought he might be feeling really guilty and unsure in the relationship. i thought that he could be feeling really terrible now with the financial crisis, and he had just graduated from a finance major but the prospects look so bleak in Australia. my friends are getting retrenched after just working for a few months. i'm still in my final year of law school and i know i can't appreciate how bad he must be feeling.

 

that's why when he broke up with me, i understood that he needed time and space. there's so many things i could come up with for why he needs to break up, but i don't understand what's the deal with having a new girl so quickly. it really sucks. i love him so i really just want him to be happy. he's going to travel all around asia for the month of may and i think it'll be a great experience for him. i really hope he will become a better person.

 

i'm happy to be single. i get to meet so many new people. i get so much attention from guys and it's fun. my friends organise parties or outings for me to keep my mind off him. and i'm lucky to have friends like that. but they keep insisting that i forget about my ex. so i bottle my feelings inside and recently i've been taking up drinking and smoking at parties as a daily escape. i hope i will get over that as well. but for now, this is still my grieving time.

[stillupset]

glad to be of service...yeah move on, he'll regret it because you will strive to be happy (who wouldn't?). More so when he sees ya with someone else. But don't you make finding someone as an excuse to make him feel bad, when you find someone who's worth it, keep him. Revenge is bad karma. :whistle:

 

of course! i don't really want to play with a guy's feelings. i know i'm not ready for a relationship anytime soon. at least not until i graduate in december. i'm sure he'll regret it when he remembers what he lost. if he does, that is.

[Janus_28th]

He will, for sure.

Btw, we're on the same boat.

 

But, it's summertime! A great time to meet new people, see new places, do new things. And soon, you'd realize then that that heartache was like eons ago.

 

Nice to meet you SU.

[stillupset]

i stumbled on some pics of him hanging out with her on facebook yesterday. he seems happy with her.

 

what is the point of him regretting? i shouldn't be so selfish to want him to look back and hurt as much as i do.

[Darkness7]

i stumbled on some pics of him hanging out with her on facebook yesterday. he seems happy with her.

 

what is the point of him regretting? i shouldn't be so selfish to want him to look back and hurt as much as i do.

 

It's normal you feel like that and that you want him to feel as bad as you are as well. Just because he 'seems' happy does not necessarily mean he is you know. But if he is, then all you can do right now is move on and 'let him be.' If it's meant to be, he WILL miss you and come back to you. Maybe he just needs time to realise how much you did mean to him.

[Janus_28th]

Sometimes, you just can't lift your foot off the ground that filled you with memories. But alas, you should.

 

There are better green fields along the way. Someone who'd make you feel like a princess from a well-known tale.

 

Find someone else, enjoy your life.

Sadness is brought down by others, but happiness is always a ready option.

 

 

 

cheer up...

[stillupset]

It's normal you feel like that and that you want him to feel as bad as you are as well. Just because he 'seems' happy does not necessarily mean he is you know. But if he is, then all you can do right now is move on and 'let him be.' If it's meant to be, he WILL miss you and come back to you. Maybe he just needs time to realise how much you did mean to him.

 

i know some guys who went back to their exes after dating others for a few months, even a year. but those cases aren't really that common, are they? some of their stories are so sad and painful, and i don't even know why they try to relive the past.

 

why go back to someone you thought wasn't worth it in the first place? why would he miss someone he's been forgetting for months?? even though i comfort myself that it was special and it wasn't easy for him, maybe it was. we did break up for 2 months before the final breakup, and he was an emotional drunk mess then, but he seems different this time cos of the new girl.

 

why do you think he may just 'seem' happy? do guys only realise how much a girl means to them after losing the girl for so long? i know you said "if it's meant to be", but shouldn't his feelings be more or less settled by now? he thinks i have a new guy, and he hasn't contacted me since.

 

it's already been over 2 months now. it may seem like a short time, but i really felt like i went through soo much emotions and thoughts. i started off as a bawling mess, never ate or slept. now i'm better, but it's replaced by drinking and smoking. it's so amazing the things we do when we're in so much pain.

 

i'm also graduating in december and leaving australia for good. after that, i hope i don't have to see him again. i'm giving myself until then to fully move on. i don't really know how to move on after 2 and half years of relationship, but i'm trying to hang out with friends, to lose weight, try to finish my assignments and just trying to be happy in little ways.

[stillupset]

Sometimes, you just can't lift your foot off the ground that filled you with memories. But alas, you should.

 

There are better green fields along the way. Someone who'd make you feel like a princess from a well-known tale.

 

Find someone else, enjoy your life.

Sadness is brought down by others, but happiness is always a ready option.

 

 

 

cheer up...

 

thanks for the positivity~ hmm.. honestly, i don't think i need a guy for now. i'm quite happy relying on myself and my friends to become a better person. i cook for my friends and make my friends laugh at least a few times a day. they're kind of like the "replacement" for my ex haha~ i'm not afraid to get hurt again, but i am pretty picky with guys. cos i'm the kind of girl who gives my all to the one i choose to love.

[Janus_28th]

thanks for the positivity~ hmm.. honestly, i don't think i need a guy for now. i'm quite happy relying on myself and my friends to become a better person. i cook for my friends and make my friends laugh at least a few times a day. they're kind of like the "replacement" for my ex haha~ i'm not afraid to get hurt again, but i am pretty picky with guys. cos i'm the kind of girl who gives my all to the one i choose to love.

 

That's better girl. OOT See this iamyoursolyne.blogspot.com

:)

 

FRIENDS. They're great shelters, and shoulders to lean onto.

[stillupset]

how did u manage to get from that to where u are now?

[Janus_28th]

how did u manage to get from that to where u are now?

 

You mean by moving on with my life?

 

Like I said, happiness is an option. Although I can't deny that there are times that I ask why did she left me, and then I cry.

 

But nevertheless, I kept myself busy. I go out when time permits. I just have to find someone again, sooner.

[stillupset]

it's almost 3 months now. i do feel much better now. but i can't deny it still is so very hard. when i get upset, i hate knowing that i'm feeling like crap and he's enjoying himself with another girl. i cry and remember how great it was. i keep wondering if he's completely over me or remembers how important i was to him. i know it's unhealthy but i still have so many questions.. i still wonder if she's just a distraction or someone special. but that's all when i'm upset. when i'm happy, i just wish for the best for him and me. and i'm usually quite happy.

 

haven't had any contact from him since i posted. i ran into him 2 nights ago at a pub where we had a uni party. i just arrived and he was about to leave. i was really tipsy so i was pretending i didn't see him and just staring at my wallet. but he came and tapped me on my shoulder and said hi. i very vaguely said hi back but didn't make any eye contact. he then went to say hi to my housemate and told her that i ignored him. i don't understand why he's being so childish. plus his gf was there too. i feel like he has expectations for me to behave more friendly or something. it's kinda unfair..

[Janus_28th]

yeah. Some guys are really childish, I admit I've been of that kind once.

He sees you as the antagonist here. Why don't you find someone like a friend to accompany you on such night outs? I'm sure he'll freak his brains out.

<sigh> Sometimes, you just hope that Panacea will finally be discovered. A cure for everything...

[stillupset]

yeah.. i mean i admit i was wrong to "ignore" him. but i didn't really mean to. i think i was just too nervous and tipsy?

 

hmm are u talking about bringing a guy along? we share a big circle of friends and i'm a naturally flirty girl so even if i do bring a guy along, he might just think it's nothing. i did bring guys anyway, they just weren't there when he said hi.

 

my ex's close friend and i talk sometimes when i help him out. last week, he kept asking me if i was dating someone, and i was like NO?? and he was like, but ur housemate told me (no she didn't) u're dating this korean guy.. and i was like "no he's a weirdo! and i don't think we were dating!". oh gosh, my friends told my ex that i was kinda seeing this guy (he's dodgy) a month ago when he bugged them if i met someone, but it was all to show that i was moving on. now i feel like i'm screwing with my ex's head. HAHA

 

but he's really childish.. he thinks my really close guy friend M is ignoring him just cos they didn't get to say hi or talk much at some parties. so people are asking M why he is ignoring my ex. of cos i expect my close friends to take my side but it's not like they think less of him as a friend. i don't want things to get bigger than they have to and people taking sides and crap. and his girlfriend is probably talking crap to him about my behaviour cos she's so "opinionated".

 

why am i the antagonist when he broke up with me? even though i told my friends about the bad stuff he did, i kept it all balanced to get a reasonable opinion. i feel like he's forgotten how sweet, unique and fun-loving i am. it sucks!!! @_@

[Janus_28th]

yeah, he did forgot. hahaha! <sigh> just got home from a swim.

 

Anyway, sometime he'll see ya with other guys. And that's what I'm waiting to know from ya, his reaction - which I bet would be greater than any other explosions ever. hahaha!

 

:cool:it's real great to be single at times though.

[stillupset]

yea i know it's great to be single~ there are more guys who talk to me and are nice to me now. plus i have the freedom to do things i couldn't do before like have lots of parties at my place and clubbing and drinking etc.

 

but i still feel something missing in my heart you know.. i saw them on the streets holding hands and hugging and it broke my heart again. i cried when i got home. i still feel like my ex thought she's better than me and i lost to her. that hurts so much cos i think she's a mean person.

 

there is this guy who is nice and i helped him get over his ex. he said he found me attractive and he thinks i'll make a good girlfriend so he wants to date me and stuff. i dunno.. i told him i'm still fragile and everything but i don't mind trying it out.

[Janus_28th]

<sigh> moving on is a real tedious business... God bless you, whichever path and whatever choices you make. In the end, you will declare victory. I'm sure of that.