Author Joker77 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Lol, I think that you'll encounter immature people at all ages. I don't think I really figured out who I was until my early 30's. For some people, they will never figure it out. At least a 22 year old has youth and inexperience as an excuse for immaturity. I think you learn from past experiences how to spot red flags. I think your instincts are already telling you she's probably more trouble than it's worth. She's not a bad person...she's a pretty cool person from what I've seen in the last month or so. But....I do believe that she thinks I'm a wolf in sheeps clothing. The first time we hung out and we kissed, she kept asking when the d-bag side of me was going to come out. So it is apparent that she is used to that type of behavior from the people she dates.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 She's not a bad person...she's a pretty cool person from what I've seen in the last month or so. But....I do believe that she thinks I'm a wolf in sheeps clothing. The first time we hung out and we kissed, she kept asking when the d-bag side of me was going to come out. So it is apparent that she is used to that type of behavior from the people she dates. I'm sure she isn't a bad person. I'm also sure that dating her is probably possible.... I guess it depends on what you want. If you are looking to settle down- given her age, it's not likely to last long term. Of course there are exceptions. I guess if you want to date her, you should rev up your game and ask her out. Instead of waiting for her to accompany you to your car after the gym- ask her out! The only way to get her know her better, to read her better is to spend some quality time with her.
Quos Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It's true that she is at a very different point in her life than you, and she probably has some maturing to do, but like others have stated, people mature at different rates. If you get along, enjoy each others company, and are mutually attracted, why should you let age stop you? She may not be thinking about getting married in the next year or two, but it sounds like she is the kind of girl that gets into *relationships* and could probably use a stable one in her life. Ok, so she blew you off a few times....22 year olds can be flaky without thinking that much about it. But it sounds to me like you are letting her do A LOT of the work (she always goes out of her way to come up to you, flirt with you, asking you to stay around, etc) because you are afraid of coming on too strong or dating someone her age. I'd bet that half the reason she is bringing her friends around is so that later on, she can get their opinions on whether or not you are actually interested in her. Maybe I'm just reading this wrong, but imo, you should pursue her. If you don't, she will give up on you and move on because girls get tired of doing all the work, especially when all their friends tell them a guy is supposed to do it all. Secondly, what's the worst that could happen? Go on some more dates, get to know her better....if she turns out to be an immature drama-bomb waiting to happen, you can cut it off at any point. But cutting your losses now, when things seem to be going well and you obviously like her, just because some people on an internet forum make some generalizations about girls that age...? Eh, probably not the smartest move. Good luck!
Author Joker77 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Thanks all. I appreciate everyone's advice.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I was a retarded mess tho out my 20s looking back now with more mature eyes I would never even have dated myself lol.. There are exceptions to age tho at times I don't think the abuse is as big an issue as some have made it out to be some people just get a raw deal and end up falling in love with a loser. Its not her fault at least she left the dushbag granted a women like that dose come with a little extra baggage to be worked on but you never know she could end up being a amazing person...
Author Joker77 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I was a retarded mess tho out my 20s looking back now with more mature eyes I would never even have dated myself lol.. There are exceptions to age tho at times I don't think the abuse is as big an issue as some have made it out to be some people just get a raw deal and end up falling in love with a loser. Its not her fault at least she left the dushbag granted a women like that dose come with a little extra baggage to be worked on but you never know she could end up being a amazing person... This is all very true. I guess the thing that I'm hung up on is that the few times where we have made plans to go get a drink or something she has cancelled other than the one time we hung out for a couple of hours and went bowling and the other night when she came over to my new apartment. Some of you could be right where she is afraid. Who knows.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 This is all very true. I guess the thing that I'm hung up on is that the few times where we have made plans to go get a drink or something she has cancelled other than the one time we hung out for a couple of hours and went bowling and the other night when she came over to my new apartment. Some of you could be right where she is afraid. Who knows. Um just an idea here but did her ex drink? my ex abuser was/is a raging alcoholic so maybe the drinks part of it put her off? I know I would be a little hesitant to be around a guy drinking now unless I really REALLY trusted him. Just an idea I could be way off but if she blew off the drink date but the bowling one was good that hit me as odd...
Author Joker77 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Um just an idea here but did her ex drink? my ex abuser was/is a raging alcoholic so maybe the drinks part of it put her off? I know I would be a little hesitant to be around a guy drinking now unless I really REALLY trusted him. Just an idea I could be way off but if she blew off the drink date but the bowling one was good that hit me as odd... I really don't drink that much if at all. When she came over the other night, I had two beers and then finished off the night with a couple of Cokes. She drank two rum and Cokes. I have no idea if the guy was a drinker or not. I believe he was a drughead though.
Author Joker77 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Another thing that came into my mind is that this idiot she was with roughed her up so bad that he gave her a concussion. She has asked me a couple times early on when we were talking when the d-bag side of me was going to come out. She has told a couple of people that I'm "too nice". That was the way I was raised. I'm thinking that maybe she wants to get to know me for a while before she even considers anything with me. I'm sorry...I'm thinking out loud here.
The Collector Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 She probably doesn't want someone who will beat her up. But neither does she want you if you're too nice. Possibly you have been too slow, sexually unassertive, or not-sexyenough-in-a-bit-of-a-bad-boy way for her tastes - because you wanted to show you are not a danger. But often girls, especially this one it seems, want a little taste of danger. Ultimately, you may not be her type.
Author Joker77 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 She probably doesn't want someone who will beat her up. But neither does she want you if you're too nice. Possibly you have been too slow, sexually unassertive, or not-sexyenough-in-a-bit-of-a-bad-boy way for her tastes - because you wanted to show you are not a danger. But often girls, especially this one it seems, want a little taste of danger. Ultimately, you may not be her type. It's walking a fine line between nice and taking things too far where you freak them out. I'm trying to find the middle ground.
The Collector Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Yup, that's the key. Define 'taking things too far and freaking them out.'
Author Joker77 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Yup, that's the key. Define 'taking things too far and freaking them out.' My definition varies from other people's. My definition would be to keep pursuing her even though there's no interest on her end. That is my definition. I spoke with her earlier and asked if she wanted to hang out later after her class. She said it depended on how she did on her test tonight. I guess we'll see what happens. That's usually the sign of that she's looking for an out.
Author Joker77 Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 I think I'm gonna put the ball in her court. I don't know why she is telling people she likes me and the not, kissing me, telling me I'm hot, yadda yadda yadda, and then flaking out on me. I contacted her this afternoon about getting together tonight. She said it depended on what she did on some test, so I told her to call me when she was done. I got nothing. It's becoming more frequent with her and it seems that unless I really put an urge on her to come out, she won't. I don't mind pursuing, but I don't want to play games.
The Collector Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Hang around a different girl, and make sure she sees. If she has any interest left, this will raise it.
Author Joker77 Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Hang around a different girl, and make sure she sees. If she has any interest left, this will raise it. I'll try it and see what happens.
Author Joker77 Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 I think I'm going to cut my losses on this one. Seems very cool, but she's just too wishy washy for me right now. I can't seem to get her to make set plans and it's "I'll call you later and maybe we can get together" to which I don't hear back. I had a former co-worker of mine who texted me yesterday and she wants to get together next weekend. Maybe I'll take a chance and see what happens with her.
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