fabulous_chk Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 ok i dumped my ex for cheating on me a month ago, took him back, then he dumped me, tried hanging out like friends, but ended up having sex. he was seeing the other girl (his phone accidentally picked up my call and i heard them making out) during this time. it was an amazing four year relationship, we had minor problems but i guess i can analyze and analyze things and it still won't make sense why it fell apart like it did. i know i was at fault at some parts of it but it was not enough reason to cheat on me. he admits he still loves me but is not in love with me anymore. i'm still in love with him though and he knows this. we have a dog who i miss dearly - this is why i cannot do the NC rule because i need to see my dog every week at least. but i haven't initiated any contact with my ex, i just respond when he texts, which he does every 3 days, i guess out of curiosity. most of my questions are about our dog. i've been going out a lot with friends and have dates coming up and i've been going to a hypnotherapist and i take St. John's wort which really works to lift my mood but everytime he communicates I fall apart. i don't know what else to do. i need to stop speculating that he might come back, but i do not know how to stop this unhealthy obsession.
Ilovehim Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 im sorry you're going through this...my ex fell out of love with me too!! he said he loved me but wasnt in love with me anymore...
Author fabulous_chk Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 at times i feel fine and at times i feel like dying.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Oh that is good! because you are! Every second of every day. "Death is as close as our breath". Ajahn Chah said this.... Think of yourself 60 years from now, with white hair, more weight and wrinkled skin. Will this be so important then, towards the presumed end of your life? of course not. So why make it important now? Look to yourself. be healthy, be happy and live for the day, because it may be all you have. This is not morbid thinking. This is the truth and can liberate you from perceived sadness issues.
D-Lish Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Can you take custody of the dog? I've had friends that have separated and they have split time with their animals initially- but it never works out. Eventually one person will inevitably become the sole owner of the dog. The bottom line is that you can't be friends with an ex- it doesn't work out. It isn't fair of him to text you and keep you on the hook- it's even worse that he's doing it while seeing someone else. If hearing from him and remaining in contact with him makes you feel sick and brings you down- you really would be better off without him in your life at all.
Author fabulous_chk Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 i can't i live with my sister on an apartment - no dogs allowed. the dog is suffering too he doesn't eat. he only eats when there's people around. the thing is i keep hoping we'd be back together. if he wants to come back i am more than willing to give it a second chance. for now i think i'm going to do the NC rule and give him space. i know for sure he did not want to let me go. right now im miserable and i want to talk to his mom (we're very close) but she always says "he'll come back, trust me he's being stupid right now, i know my son." he says he is doing great whenever we talk but his mom tells a different story. i don't want false hopes - i want a real indication that he wants me back. his phone is blocked right now. as for exes not being friends - my very first bf from 8 years ago is now my rock throughout this painful period. i thought i'd get married to this guy lol! and now we're the best of friends.
Island Girl Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 You need some counseling. You want him back yet he has cheated on you and treated you terribly. That speaks to severe self esteem issues. You do not even seem angry about what he has done. You are even internalizing it and while you say that you didn't do anything so wrong that it gives him reason to cheat - that implies that you see that as a valid line of reason. That you could possibly do things so wrong in a relationship that it "makes" a person cheat. That is utterly ridiculous. If a person cheats it is THEIR problem. It is something within them that is weak, hurtful, selfish, etc. It is a personality defect and is completely disrespectful and damaging to their partner and the relationship. Is this love? Does it lend itself to caring about that other person? No. He is crappy. He is a crappy person. You are still looking at him with rose colored glasses. You are not recognizing that he has this terrible selfish side that is worthless. You should ask yourself why you are so willing to settle for so much less. And find answers. You deserve better. As far as the dog goes. Well, it really sucks. Are you permanently staying with your sister or are you there temporarily until you can find a place of your own?
hopesndreams Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 i know for sure he did not want to let me go. He has a funny way of showing it. Cheating with you on his g/f and vice versa? i know i was at fault at some parts of it but it was not enough reason to cheat on me. Is there enough reason to cheat on anyone? NO, NO, NO. Never. Have no contact with him even if that means saying a final goodbye to the dog. He gave you the I love you but not in love with you line, and he has proven that.
Author fabulous_chk Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 i kept a journal online and talked and talked about this cute guy in class...me wanting to get to know him better, leaving my bf etc, etc....my ex was reading my journal without my knowledge. he would always ask me: do you love me? are you in love with me? do you want to break up with me? and i would playfully say...I'm only with you this year....i only love you for your pretty face and he would be so pissed. i wish i could undo all this, i guess i was "emotionally" cheating....he found out about it, hooked up with another girl for comfort/revenge...but kept me in his life until i found out about her....he had no choice but to let me go...we were so devastated couldn't stop crying. i asked him for space so i could heal but he contacts me every 3 days talking about nonsensical stuff, he even went to my school today but i wasn't there thank God. i have no idea if he's still with her and i do not want to know but it's just so hard to let go. we were everything to each other until i messed up.
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