Truly Lost Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I met this man recently who is very attractive. He is tall, dark, and handsome. Never thought I would every say that about someone, but he is. I am flattered that he likes me and wants to hang out. When we first met I was nervous and he was a little too, I could tell. Our conversation was good, but some of our conversation got a little awkward. Then the subject of religion came up. I usually like to avoid discussions about religion, but its important to know if someone is or isn't religious. For some people it’s a deal breaker. Well, I told him I am not religious. I wasn't raised that way. He said he is and goes to church regularly. He looked very disappointed. He then was asking if I believe in god, at least. I said yes, and then he looked at me as if I had some hope for him. I was not thrilled after this conversation and considered that we would probably not have another date. I don't have a problem with someone being religious, but I don't want someone to force me into believing in what they believe in. I want someone who is flexible. So I accepted that I would probably not hear from this guy again and we called it a night. A week later he calls me again. He asked me if I would like to go out again. I was surprised. I said ok because I thought I had a lasting impression on him and that it was worth giving another try. We went out and our evening was great. I had a lot of fun, but the topic of religion came up again and he said that his girlfriend to be has to be religious. I was completely deflated. I told him that I don't think I can be that person. He started to plead with me a little and I asked him to cut it out. I just wanted to try and enjoy the rest of the evening even though I was now disappointed. Since we had been drinking he had admitted that he drank a little too much and wondered, after he takes time to sober up, if it would be ok if he takes me back to his house since it was close by and he will take me home in the morning. He reiterated that he is a christian man, so no sex before marriage. I thought it was funny that he said that because he has a daughter with someone he never married. He mentioned that after the "no sex before marriage" comment and said he was trying to turn over a new leaf. I thought to myself, "whatever". Anyway, I agreed. What's the harm? I got to his house and he showed me around. Then he showed me his room. Then he got close to me and we kissed. Then it got really heated, and the next thing I know he is pulling out a condom and ready to go all the way. I said, "Hey, what was up with you saying "no sex"? So he said, he knew better and stopped, but we still cuddled. Then he started up again. I thought ok buddy, I might just have to stay on the couch. He stopped and left me alone. He took me home in the morning and everything seemed ok. I still thought the religion thing was a problem and didn't think I would hear from him again. Just accepted it as a fun night out not to be continued. He contacted me a week later, but I couldn't go out. Then he contacted me again the next week. I was surprised. (This is where I'm going to cut short some details. This post is getting to long.) He met up with me at a bar. I was celebrating a friends birthday. I introduced him to my friends. Then for the next hour he doesn't talk to me because he is too busy mingling with my friends. I was irritated. He was nice enough to pay for drinks and food that was purchased during the remainder of the evening (he arrived late). I know he wasn't flirting with my friends, but he wasn't paying any attention to me. It changed my mood from excited to down because I thought he was there to see me. I made it very clear to him that I was disappointed. He acknowledged my mood. Everything got awkward. My mood was set because I was disappointed with how the evening was going and that he didn't show an active interest in me. He then noticed that he should probably make more an effort and sat next to me. I had nothing to say. I was trying to strike up a conversation but my motivation flew out the window. I told him straight up that he made me feel that I was excluded from the conversations that he was having and that I was no longer excited about talking to him and thats why its now awkward between us. I thought he would leave, but he didn't. Then I apologized for being blunt, but that was why I was acting the way I was. I was surprised again that he was still willing to hang around me. He asked if I would like to hang out with him more at his place. He said my friends were welcome to come, but my friends opted to stay at the bar. I get to his place and we talk for a bit. It was a good conversation. Then he started hitting on me again and I broke down and had sex with him. I'm not attached to him so if he doesn't want a relationship with me that is fine. My feeling is that a relationship will probably not flourish too well with him because I think he will hurt me. He will probably keep me around till he finds a religious girl, then I'll be history. I don't want to be heartbroken again. Damn, why does he have to be so attractive? I don't know what to do about this.
D-Lish Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I'd say the guy has some issues. I'd have a lot of questions about why someone would be so adamant about not having sex before marriage and then go after it as soon as he got you to his apartment. It is possible that it was just a lure he used to get you to come to his apartment? Just from reading your post I get a bad feeling about this guy. What do your instincts tell you?
single ape Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 uh.. what's a christian no sex before marriage guy doing with a condom?
IrishCarBomb Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Sounds like the kind of nut-job that would sleep with you, and then blame you as a temptress. As far as I can tell, avoid this guy at all costs.
Enema Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 He sounds like a disaster. Hit it and quit it girl.
monkey00 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 It sounds to me like you already have a good idea of what's going on... You're like a moth to a flame. literally
single ape Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 this reminds me of that one sex and the city episode where miranda starts dating the religious dude who, out of guilt, has to take a shower right after sex every time..
Author Truly Lost Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 I'd say the guy has some issues. I'd have a lot of questions about why someone would be so adamant about not having sex before marriage and then go after it as soon as he got you to his apartment. It is possible that it was just a lure he used to get you to come to his apartment? Just from reading your post I get a bad feeling about this guy. What do your instincts tell you? My instincts tell me that he is just sexually attracted to me. After we had sex he was talking to me as if we will be having sex again because he said he wanted to learn more about what I like during sex. When he drove me home and I got out of the car, I didn't attempt to kiss him or anything. I just thanked him for coming out last night and that I had fun. He stopped me and said, "I don't at least get a hug?" I gave him a hug and wished him a Happy Easter. It looked like he was going to try giving me a kiss, but I turned away. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I don't know what to think. I was a little down because I felt like this was just a booty call and that was the only reason he called me. I don't want to get hurt again. Something about him doesn't seem right. I'm ok with not hearing from him again, after all I did consent to having sex because I wanted to. I'm still apprehensive about the religion thing, thats really what's getting me down.
Girlygirl1977 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 There are big alarm bells going off for me with this guy. When words and actions do not match, always be wary. In your case, the gap is so wide that it is scary. I mean he has condoms ready and doesn't believe in premarital sex! I feel he used those lines to get you to drop your guard frankly. You also said he is attractive etc. He has probably been successful with woman because of this - even you seem to think he is too good to be true. Again - actions and words are not working inline. Frankly, I think he wants to just have a nice good time with you sexually. If that's what you are into, you decide!
Author Truly Lost Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 Yeah, I'm going to cool my jets with him. He is a big red flag. At least we had sex with a condom. I made sure of that. He is probably a player and has had sex frequently with random women, since he was all to willing when I got back to his place. Feelings aside, I don't want to walk away from this with an STD. Ugh!! Thats all I need.
Isolde Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 If you're going to have casual sex, do it with someone who's actually upfront about what he wants. What a creep Totally cheapening religion too.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Gees. This guy has issues. He claims he wants a religious girl, but can't even hold to his own moral standards. I'm thinking he only claims to be religious for family or friends (whoever's puttin the pressure on him) and he's trying his darndest to BE religious. But he definitely does carry the air of player. Saying all the right things, making all the right moves. I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to people, but I don't tolerate hipocrisy very well. And BTW, you can still get HPV or herpes even if the guy wears a condom. Unfortunately, HPV has an indefinite incubation time. So there's no way of telling if you DO end up ever testing positive for it if it was from this guy or someone else. The only foolproof way to avoid STDs is abstinence. And I'd say in Romeo's case, it definitely would have been warranted. Ah, well - live and learn.
D-Lish Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Something about him doesn't seem right. I'm ok with not hearing from him again, after all I did consent to having sex because I wanted to. I'm still apprehensive about the religion thing, thats really what's getting me down. Trust your instincts- we often ignore them when we shouldn't. Usually if something doesn't feel right, it isn't. I can also attest to the fact that anytime I have done something that felt wrong, it turned out to be wrong. In terms of religion.... sounds like HE has some issues. Personally, I couldn't date someone that showed outright disapproval over the fact that I didn't go to church. But that is his problem, not yours.
marlena Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 So he said, he knew better and stopped, but we still cuddled. This was your first mistake. This guy is beyond issues. Issues would mean that he has undealt with problems. I don't think this guy has any problems at all. He knows exactly what he is doing IMO. I don't buy the religious BS for a minute. He is quite simply a liar and a hypocrite and a user. He also sounds very manipulative. He is also very,very rude and disrespectful. Ignoring you all night while having fun with your friends is an indication of this. If you want something more than just a casual fling with this guy, then, walk away and not look back for a minute. He is not boyfriend material.
Kaii Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Maybe he's one of these guys who wants a religious girl who abstains for marriage material, but will still screw a pagan just for fun It's odd that he had condoms at the ready, since he had expressed his belief in abstaining. Weird. Maybe he's just one of these pretty boys who has become a master manipulator with women. Really attractive men generally find ways to get what they want from women.
Author Truly Lost Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 Well, I know that religion is definitely something he is in to. He had a picture of Jesus hanging in his bedroom and a bible and a few inspirational books stacked on his nightstand. He invited me to come to church with him the next day, that evening. I said ok, then he quickly said, "oh, I forgot I'm going with a friend of mine." I guess he didn't think I would say yes. Once we had that conversation, I got nervous. He just demeaned me. He clearly didn't want me to meet anyone at his church. Probably because everyone would ask questions. He told me the name of the church he goes to and if I'd been there before. I reminded him that I'm not religious and had only been baptised. I've never attended church growing up and if I had it wouldn't be the same type of church he goes to. Ugh!! This is rediculous. I know at least he doesn't mind if I hang out with his friends because he asked me to meet up with him while he was out with them. Anyway, I'm not going to call this guy. He'll probably call me anyway, when he's horny. Ha, ha. Geez, I really wish I could meet someone like me.
JohnnyBlaze Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 There's a poster floating out there in cyberland. It usually has a picture of some well-stacked chick in a bikini (or less) in some seductive pose. The caption is "No matter how good she may look now, someone, somewhere is tired of putting up with her s**t." I think you just ran into the male equivalent of that. Good for you for walking away.
confused_2008 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Well, I know that religion is definitely something he is in to. He had a picture of Jesus hanging in his bedroom and a bible and a few inspirational books stacked on his nightstand. He invited me to come to church with him the next day, that evening. I said ok, then he quickly said, "oh, I forgot I'm going with a friend of mine." I guess he didn't think I would say yes. Once we had that conversation, I got nervous. He just demeaned me. He clearly didn't want me to meet anyone at his church. Probably because everyone would ask questions. He told me the name of the church he goes to and if I'd been there before. I reminded him that I'm not religious and had only been baptised. I've never attended church growing up and if I had it wouldn't be the same type of church he goes to. Ugh!! This is rediculous. I know at least he doesn't mind if I hang out with his friends because he asked me to meet up with him while he was out with them. Anyway, I'm not going to call this guy. He'll probably call me anyway, when he's horny. Ha, ha. Geez, I really wish I could meet someone like me. All of those other things indicating he could be religious are easy to fake. I can hang up a picture of Jesus, buy a couple religious books and throw them on the nightstand, etc. and it doesn't make me religious. Again, the problem here is his actions didn't match his words. Notice how he didn't really want you to go to church with him? He backpedaled when you agreed to go.
janjan Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 agree w the others, this is someone to stay away from. it seems that despite you knowing this, he just seems to be a good match for what can get to you emotionally, making you vulnerable. therefore, you should just cease all contact with him, and go out and meet new people instead.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I met this man recently who is very attractive. He is tall, dark, and handsome. Never thought I would every say that about someone, but he is. I am flattered that he likes me and wants to hang out. When we first met I was nervous and he was a little too, I could tell. Our conversation was good, but some of our conversation got a little awkward. Then the subject of religion came up. I usually like to avoid discussions about religion, but its important to know if someone is or isn't religious. For some people it’s a deal breaker. Well, I told him I am not religious. I wasn't raised that way. He said he is and goes to church regularly. He looked very disappointed. He then was asking if I believe in god, at least. I said yes, and then he looked at me as if I had some hope for him. I was not thrilled after this conversation and considered that we would probably not have another date. I don't have a problem with someone being religious, but I don't want someone to force me into believing in what they believe in. I want someone who is flexible. So I accepted that I would probably not hear from this guy again and we called it a night. A week later he calls me again. He asked me if I would like to go out again. I was surprised. I said ok because I thought I had a lasting impression on him and that it was worth giving another try. We went out and our evening was great. I had a lot of fun, but the topic of religion came up again and he said that his girlfriend to be has to be religious. I was completely deflated. I told him that I don't think I can be that person. He started to plead with me a little and I asked him to cut it out. I just wanted to try and enjoy the rest of the evening even though I was now disappointed. Since we had been drinking he had admitted that he drank a little too much and wondered, after he takes time to sober up, if it would be ok if he takes me back to his house since it was close by and he will take me home in the morning. He reiterated that he is a christian man, so no sex before marriage. I thought it was funny that he said that because he has a daughter with someone he never married. He mentioned that after the "no sex before marriage" comment and said he was trying to turn over a new leaf. I thought to myself, "whatever". Anyway, I agreed. What's the harm? I got to his house and he showed me around. Then he showed me his room. Then he got close to me and we kissed. Then it got really heated, and the next thing I know he is pulling out a condom and ready to go all the way. I said, "Hey, what was up with you saying "no sex"? So he said, he knew better and stopped, but we still cuddled. Then he started up again. I thought ok buddy, I might just have to stay on the couch. He stopped and left me alone. He took me home in the morning and everything seemed ok. I still thought the religion thing was a problem and didn't think I would hear from him again. Just accepted it as a fun night out not to be continued. He contacted me a week later, but I couldn't go out. Then he contacted me again the next week. I was surprised. (This is where I'm going to cut short some details. This post is getting to long.) He met up with me at a bar. I was celebrating a friends birthday. I introduced him to my friends. Then for the next hour he doesn't talk to me because he is too busy mingling with my friends. I was irritated. He was nice enough to pay for drinks and food that was purchased during the remainder of the evening (he arrived late). I know he wasn't flirting with my friends, but he wasn't paying any attention to me. It changed my mood from excited to down because I thought he was there to see me. I made it very clear to him that I was disappointed. He acknowledged my mood. Everything got awkward. My mood was set because I was disappointed with how the evening was going and that he didn't show an active interest in me. He then noticed that he should probably make more an effort and sat next to me. I had nothing to say. I was trying to strike up a conversation but my motivation flew out the window. I told him straight up that he made me feel that I was excluded from the conversations that he was having and that I was no longer excited about talking to him and thats why its now awkward between us. I thought he would leave, but he didn't. Then I apologized for being blunt, but that was why I was acting the way I was. I was surprised again that he was still willing to hang around me. He asked if I would like to hang out with him more at his place. He said my friends were welcome to come, but my friends opted to stay at the bar. I get to his place and we talk for a bit. It was a good conversation. Then he started hitting on me again and I broke down and had sex with him. I'm not attached to him so if he doesn't want a relationship with me that is fine. My feeling is that a relationship will probably not flourish too well with him because I think he will hurt me. He will probably keep me around till he finds a religious girl, then I'll be history. I don't want to be heartbroken again. Damn, why does he have to be so attractive? I don't know what to do about this. This is why you don't screw iffy people.
Author Truly Lost Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 I was out getting top soil and supplies to work on my garden and he called me today. The last time I heard from him was two days after we hung out, when he replied to an email I sent to him. I hadn't heard from him since. That was two weeks ago. I figured it was over and was really just a booty call. So today he calls me and I answered. He said that he apologized that he hadn't called me in a while, but he had been very busy with fixing up his house for tenants to move in and hanging out with his daughter on the weekends. He said he hasn't been going out at all for fun. I was polite and told him I understand that he has been busy. He asked what I was up to. I told him I'm shopping for gardening supplies. He said if I needed any help he would be happy to come by and help me when I was ready for his help. I told him that I would be happy for any help I could get. Anyway, I think he wanted to hang out this evening, but since I sounded busy he had asked if I wanted to hang out with him tomorrow. The only thing is.....he wants to hang out at his house??? This makes me think that he is trying to possibly get another evening that ends in having sex. Ugh! I don't know what to think. From the last time I hung out with him, it seemed that he really did like me, but he had previously told me, on our 2nd date, that his "girlfriend" has to be christian/religious. I'm not religious and this is really eating at me. I do really like him and I'm very attracted to him, but don't want him to break my heart. Do you guys think I should hang out with him? Who knows, he could be genuine. He did mention that he hasn't been very strong with his faith in the past but was trying to be. Could he be making an exception with me?? Ugh! I hate this.
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Ah, the religion of sexual aggression I think that's a church which I'd avoid leaving a donation in the collection plate.
monkey00 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I would avoid his house. If anything, make a suggestion for something to do far far away from his house as possible. I don't know how this will turn out, but it sounds to me like this might be a lost cause since you gave it up so early. Maybe he does find you to be a booty call who knows. 2 weeks? C'mon sounds like a bad excuse.
Enema Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 You've given it up to him once now, of course he's going to plan and assume the next date will be on the same level.
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