anya85 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I'm dating this really awesome, honest, genuinely good-hearted guy. A gem, if not maybe a little naive. The problem is he has some baggage from his most recent relationship--he got burned, badly. She was married(he didn't know this initially), cheated on her husband with him, left her husband for him--supposedly promising him they'd be together. They move in together, he takes in her 8 year old son as his own, furnishes the place like a palace, got a dog--obviously he was creating what he thought would be theirs together and there they stay for a year. And then the woman betrays him much like she did her husband, by going back to her husband--kicking him out, keeping all of his belongings, the dog, forcing him to move penniless into his friends house with nothing. She tries to get him fired at his job(she's his supervisor), creates a lot of drama, which gets her fired instead ironically. I don't think the problem is that he wants to get back with her, but I don't think he's recovered completely from her wounds. He's taken a lot of emotional damage. They'd been broken up for 6 months when we started talking--so it's been about 9 months now. Things seemed to be going really well between us. Then several weeks ago, something happened. He found out from a mutual friend that his ex was pregnant again with her husband. This threw him a bit and he withdrew some from me. I didn't know the reason for the withdrawl, so I, in turn, withdrew from him. He took note, however and this brought him back to me though. For awhile things were a bit strained between us, but we talked it out and I feel like they are back on track. We talked out in the open about our past relationship problems and part of what he told me about this girl is that he still feels guilty for what he did, he feels manipulated and taken advantage of, used. He's made it very clear that he wants to continue to see me, get to know me and spend time with me. He says he feels like he's over the whole issue, but I think he's not. He seemed very hurt when I pulled away from him--I know he wants to continue to see me. I don't think cutting him off is the answer but how should I proceed(other than slowly and with caution)?
percepta15 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 this sounds really, really tricky. but i think the end of your post sums up what you should do the best. proceed slowly. if anything, i think you should let him dictate the pace of the relationship. i wouldn't recommend pulling away from him, it would probably only remind him of the way he was hurt before. but let him dictate how and when the relationship progresses. you're the healthy one here, its him that is in a bit of a vulnerable position and because of that, i think the ball should be in his court.
single ape Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 If you're looking for a serious relationship, get rid of this dude.. he's still in his last relationship. If you're just looking to casually date, then do whatever. But if you want the real thing, find it with someone who doesn't care about their exes once they meet you.. cuz thats the only real kind. Basically you're stuck on someone whose stuck on someone else and settling for you.. don't be cool with settling, it's not cool
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