george_scruff Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 To get this straight, I am a female, considering my username.... I have been dating a single guy who is over 30yrs older than me for over 18 months now. It's the first time he has dated a much younger woman and I think he is beginning to like it. He has met a girl the same age as me who works behind the bar at his favourite pub and has invited her back to his place for lunch tomorrow. He has talked about her a few times and I asked if she was single, and he sort of just made a laugh and let it pass. She sounds very similar to me in personality and I'm afraid that something may get started. I love this man very much - it's not a longtime relationship, but we are just "friends with benefits". It is a very casual relationship as it is secret because we both think it's socially unacceptable and my parents would be furious. I don't want anything to happen with our friendship. Everytime I bring it up he tries to ignore it. I've tried everything. I'm afraid he is going to cheat on me. What can I do to stop this? Can I go and talk to this girl at the pub? How will I get a straight answer out of him after tomorrow?
justme2781 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 unles you meant we arent f and b?? so confused. if you arent long term and its just casual usually you can see other people. seriosu relationships with cmitment usually mean a future.
imagine Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I don't like the concept of FWB. Right now you are going to get hurt. Leave him. He is happy to get his jollies anywhere. Get a real boyfriend!
Author george_scruff Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 I mean I love the guy as in the person he is, not I've fallen in love with him. He has done this before to a girl that was long distance. Although she was around his age. He always said he wanted to get into bed with her and this didn't go down with me well. I wrote a letter to him saying I didn't want to share him with anyone else but he kept saying it's only a casual relationship. I agree that it is, but I just don;t like the concept of it. I know there's not a future with him, but I hate the idea of him being with someone else. I think I may have to say to him, "either ditch the idea of sharing or I'm ditching you."
bean1 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 There's no such thing as "cheating" in a FWB secret friend/relationship. Can I ask, what is so darn great about this 55 year old fart that girls young enough to be his daughters (? granddaughters?) are throwing themselves at him? You are throwing your youth away to a man who views you as a pizza that can be delivered!!! (/end rant - I was with a 37 year old when I was 21. I can't believe I wasted my youth like that. Please get self respect)
D-Lish Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I mean I love the guy as in the person he is, not I've fallen in love with him. He has done this before to a girl that was long distance. Although she was around his age. He always said he wanted to get into bed with her and this didn't go down with me well. I wrote a letter to him saying I didn't want to share him with anyone else but he kept saying it's only a casual relationship. I agree that it is, but I just don;t like the concept of it. I know there's not a future with him, but I hate the idea of him being with someone else. I think I may have to say to him, "either ditch the idea of sharing or I'm ditching you." Just by reading the bolded words.... Your own words, how could you want to be with a guy like this? He has no respect for you and he reminds you of it constantly. Seriously- he's throwing it in your face that he wants to sleep with other women, that he isn't interested in anything serious, he's even been so bold as to tell you he's having another young girl over for lunch (presumably sex). I think you have to ask yourself why you would even consider being involved in this kind of situation. He is making it very clear that this is just sex for him. I know you're young, but now is the time to learn what self respect is. Do this for yourself, break things off.
Trimmer Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 ...I didn't want to share him with anyone else but he kept saying it's only a casual relationship. I agree that it is, but I just don't like the concept of it. I don't want to share him, butHe says it's only casual, and I agree, butI don't like it.You are contradicting yourself here, and this is fundamental to the relationship. I know there's not a future with him, but I hate the idea of him being with someone else. I think I may have to say to him, "either ditch the idea of sharing or I'm ditching you." You might want to do that just to protect yourself emotionally, as the two of you don't seem to have the same perspective on your relationship.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Why do you have such low self-esteem that you think you can find happiness with a man who is clearly not interested in making you happy? Of course, when he gets much older and you are still around him, I'm sure he will be very happy for you to clear up his incontinence and drool, and wipe his mouth for him. Then your life will be complete, no? You must really think little of yourself. Please find a man who has eyes for you, and you only.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Why a 55yr old man, you gotta look at it realistically. is this a long term prospect?
Enema Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 He knows you're probably not going to leave him, so he keeps doing it. Even if you did have a backbone and said you want to be exclusive, he would say no - because he knows how easy it is to get some other naive girl with issues. Why lock himself into one chick he's not interested in seriously when he could have a dozen? You're just one more item on the menu.
MichelleS1983 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 How revolting. Some middle-aged mid-life crisis pig chasing the 21 year old girls so he can dip his wick in the Fountain of Youth. Well, no one ever accused 21 year old girls of being smart, did they? George_Scruff, if you want to continue making a fool of yourself being some middle-aged pervert's free piece of barely-legal a*ss, have at it. You're too young to know any better, frankly. My, this guy is quite the prize, acting like a hormonal teenage boy who'll stick his d*ck in any young thing that will have him. I can see the attraction - he's what every young girl dreams about. Not. Go ahead - tell your parents what you've been up to. Don't be surprised if they castrate Father Time, though. Let the pig get his jollies wherever he wants - he's going to anyway. If you had a SHRED of self respect, you'd quit being one of the many free and easy pieces of a*ss he has access to. Surely you have something better to do than be this pervert's body fluid receptical - like clipping your toe nails or counting the cracks in the ceiling tile?
Trimmer Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 How revolting. Some middle-aged mid-life crisis pig chasing the 21 year old girls so he can dip his wick in the Fountain of Youth. Well, no one ever accused 21 year old girls of being smart, did they? George_Scruff, if you want to continue making a fool of yourself being some middle-aged pervert's free piece of barely-legal a*ss, have at it. You're too young to know any better, frankly. My, this guy is quite the prize, acting like a hormonal teenage boy who'll stick his d*ck in any young thing that will have him. I can see the attraction - he's what every young girl dreams about. Not. Go ahead - tell your parents what you've been up to. Don't be surprised if they castrate Father Time, though. Let the pig get his jollies wherever he wants - he's going to anyway. If you had a SHRED of self respect, you'd quit being one of the many free and easy pieces of a*ss he has access to. Surely you have something better to do than be this pervert's body fluid receptical - like clipping your toe nails or counting the cracks in the ceiling tile? Wow, could you be any more insulting to the OP?
AnthonyF Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Wow, could you be any more insulting to the OP? She needs a proverbial slap in the face. Hope this worked......
LovieDove24 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I just think its very important to think about your future with this man REGARDLESS of the "pub girl." Will you still be with him when he's 75 and you're 40? Its just a little too extreme IMO to work out in the long run. And coming from a 24 year old female myself, lets not even mention the sexual aspect. Yeessh.
angie2443 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 There's no such thing as "cheating" in a FWB secret friend/relationship. Can I ask, what is so darn great about this 55 year old fart that girls young enough to be his daughters (? granddaughters?) are throwing themselves at him? You are throwing your youth away to a man who views you as a pizza that can be delivered!!! (/end rant - I was with a 37 year old when I was 21. I can't believe I wasted my youth like that. Please get self respect) This is what I was wondering. Either he's rich, or he knows how to target girls with low self worth.
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