mr.dream merchant Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Okay. Let's make believe two people right now. Person A (Guy) and Person B (Girl). They are together for 1 year. The guy always questioned the girl's honesty and truthfulness. The girl always professed her honesty and fidelity. The guy doesn't believe her so the guy fakes an appointment for the two of them to go and take a lie detector test. Prior to this whole charade, the girl always said to the guy that she'd willingly take a lie detector test because she has nothing to hide. When the guy unfolds this made up appointment to take lie detector test, the girl freaks out and says that she is not taking it. The guy inquires as to why she won't when she said she'd gladly do it before since she has nothing to hide, the girl says the guy is psycho and it shows how much he does not trust her, which at this point is very apparent. If you were Person A (The guy), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of yourself, and your GF? If you were Person B (The girl), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of your BF? Yourself?
alphamale Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 If you were Person A (The guy), how would you read this situation? that person B is full of **** If you were Person B (The girl), how would you read this situation? that i'm caught red-handed and need to get out of the situation
single ape Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 a. id see a shrink for letting myself get so deep in an untrusting relationship that id be lying about lie detector tests.. wtf? b. id think twice and maybe even three times about the next psycho i date. anyone bringing a lie detector test into a relationship is certified nuts.. sorry.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 ... If you were Person A (The guy), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of yourself, and your GF? "I actually asked someone to take a lie detector test. What have things come to if it's gotten to this point?" If you were Person B (The girl), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of your BF? Yourself? "He actually asked me to take a lie detector test. What have things come to if it's gotten to this point?"
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 "I actually asked someone to take a lie detector test. What have things come to if it's gotten to this point?" "He actually asked me to take a lie detector test. What have things come to if it's gotten to this point?" Simple, yet says it all.
serial muse Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Okay. Let's make believe two people right now. Person A (Guy) and Person B (Girl). They are together for 1 year. The guy always questioned the girl's honesty and truthfulness. The girl always professed her honesty and fidelity. The guy doesn't believe her so the guy fakes an appointment for the two of them to go and take a lie detector test. Prior to this whole charade, the girl always said to the guy that she'd willingly take a lie detector test because she has nothing to hide. When the guy unfolds this made up appointment to take lie detector test, the girl freaks out and says that she is not taking it. The guy inquires as to why she won't when she said she'd gladly do it before since she has nothing to hide, the girl says the guy is psycho and it shows how much he does not trust her, which at this point is very apparent. If you were Person A (The guy), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of yourself, and your GF? Honestly, I can't imagine being in this position. For example, my exH turned out to be a champion liar - but I still can't imagine asking him to take a lie detector test! There's just something...off about that. But supposing I had asked him to take a test? And he had passed? 1. People pass when they're particularly good liars anyway, so it's not exactly foolproof. 2. But if my partner were innocent and I asked him to take such a test, I'm not sure how the relationship would recover from that. If a person has such terrible suspicions that s/he needs his/her partner to take a lie detector test, then there is something VERY wrong there. Beyond what that test will be able to diagnose. I'd say maybe the relationship has run its course at that point. It's basically over. In the case of my ex, I found out, eventually, that he was lying and cheating, and I divorced him. Problem solved, no special equipment necessary. If you were Person B (The girl), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of your BF? Yourself? I'd think: Crap. Why did I ever humor him about taking a stupid lie detector test? I thought it was psycho at the time, but I just didn't want to have a fight and was kind of hoping he'd turn out to be normal. But no, I guess that red flag really was a red flag. Next time, I'll know, I guess. Doesn't mean person B (in your example, the girl) wasn't lying about whatever. But the whole thing is just nuts. If it gets to the point where you're making up test scenarios to "catch" someone, it's time to get out. The relationship has turned rotten.
Kaii Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 If you were Person A (The guy), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of yourself, and your GF? I would think that she's a liar. If you were Person B (The girl), how would you read this situation? What would you evaluate in terms of your BF? Yourself? I would think that he's a psycho.
single ape Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 a liar and a psycho.. they sound perfect together Any lawyer would tell you not to take a lie detector test.. even if you're not lying. They aren't dependable. So for her to say no doesn't mean she's guilty, she might just be smart. Never mind the fact that the second someone asks you to take one, you're probably packing your bags, so again no point in taking it.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Knowing what I know about polygraphs (utter BS), this situation better not ever come up in my life or that relationship is over.
D-Lish Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 If I was dating a guy and he asked me to take a lie detector test I'd dump him on the spot and think he was a psycho.
Trimmer Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Just for perspective, let's remember that he didn't just spring this lie detector test idea out of thin air... She had backed up her trustworthiness by offering to take one on multiple occasions, so he's just calling her bluff. Now having said that, I agree that you have to ask yourself WTF is going on if lie detector tests are being brought up by anyone in a relationship. But note that she's actually the one who brought it up.
serial muse Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Just for perspective, let's remember that he didn't just spring this lie detector test idea out of thin air... She had backed up her trustworthiness by offering to take one on multiple occasions, so he's just calling her bluff. Now having said that, I agree that you have to ask yourself WTF is going on if lie detector tests are being brought up by anyone in a relationship. But note that she's actually the one who brought it up. Oh, interesting - I read that totally differently. But if person B is the one who offered to do it in the first place, whether flippantly or semi-seriously, I think that, too, is ****ed up. So basically, I agree with you on both points, Trimmer.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 Just for perspective, let's remember that he didn't just spring this lie detector test idea out of thin air... She had backed up her trustworthiness by offering to take one on multiple occasions, so he's just calling her bluff. Now having said that, I agree that you have to ask yourself WTF is going on if lie detector tests are being brought up by anyone in a relationship. But note that she's actually the one who brought it up. Yeah this is pretty much the scenario. When the lie detector test became a reality, person B decided to back out, for reasons unknown to person A. Person A thinks Person B has something to hide. Person B thinks Person A is a psycho. Probably both accurate assumptions.
dreamergrl Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Really it shouldn't come down to a lie detector test, but if the girl refuses, she's obviously hiding something. When people get defensive they have most likely done something wrong. What does the bf not trust? If she's been faithful?
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 In this case, her fidelity and honesty about her sexual past.
dreamergrl Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 In this case, her fidelity and honesty about her sexual past. Well, as far as sexual past, unless she has some disease from it, I don't think it should be all that big of a deal.
Lucky_One Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I would be PISSED if my BF wanted me to take a lie detector test about my sexual past. Some thing are no one's business except for the two people that they happened between. if you want to tell, fine; if there are some things that you consider to be too personal to tell, fine, too. Sometimes people say things flippantly, esp if other people are being really irritatingly persistent, if they just want them to shut up. "Did you ever have an abortion?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "So you have never ever been pregnant and had an abortion?" "No, I have not, and would you just drop it?" "No, because I am really curious about this and I don't think I trust you. So did you??" "NO I did not." "Are you SURE??" "For God's sake, I will go take a lie detector test." In which case, yes, the GF WOULD be lying, but the BF would be pushing boundaries and being a pain in the ass. It is almost startling that people actually have relationships like this, where they are so paranoid and unhappy and hurt that they actually threaten the other person with lie detector tests....
paddington bear Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I would be PISSED if my BF wanted me to take a lie detector test about my sexual past. I fully agree....sounds VERY controlling having someone pretend to have a lie detector test set up in an attempt to test loyalty. Trust should be there, if it's not, no stupid test is going to change that. By making your other half think you mistrust them that much you will make them edgy and nervous. Everyone has made mistakes in the past, everyone re-invents themselves a little bit as time goes on, it's our prerogative. What matters is how person A and person B are relating to each other right here and now, not what person A and person B did in the past. By questioning the honesty of one party, you are breaking any kind of trust in what that person told you - sure it might be a lie, but maybe they want to reinvent themselves in your eyes, to be this lovely, perfect person that you expect, so therefore tell some white lies, to live up to your expectations and what's so wrong with that? I would for sure dump someone who even thought of putting me through a lie-detector test, it's simply totally controlling, freaky and weird.
burningashes Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 This situation is almost akin to what I asked my bf when we first started seeing each other. He's a cop and has access to all kinds of information. I asked him if he would ever look my name up and he said, "No, I would not, I would end things if I thought I had to." So like my boyfriend said, I would be asking the same questions, how it had come to the point where I have to find out information elsewhere other than from my SO. The answer's easy, it's pretty much over because there is no trust and I would end it before I would even ask my SO to take a lie exam. The idea of even asking is bad enough. And being asked to take one? Forget it. I'm not staying with someone who obviously doesn't trust me and needs the reassurance of a lie detector exam.
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