percepta15 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 first off, i just signed up, so i'm really new. but i hope someone takes the time to reply here. this is tough to talk about or express. i've never really talked to anyone about it before. i've known my girlfriend for over a year. we started dating about 6 months ago and have been in a relationship exclusively for the past 4. for the most part, things have been great. it's just lately that parts of her past are starting to get under my skin. first off, her best friend is a dude. secondly, she used to be **** buddies with this dude. part of the beauty of talking about this online anonymously is that i don't have to sugar coat anything. they used to ****. a lot. normally, i wouldn't really care about any of this. but she is STILL best friends with this guy. they talk all the time. in fact, this weekend she is even going to visit him out of state with a friend. apparently, this shouldn't bother me, because now, they're just friends. the "me" of 6 months would not have put up with this ****. seriously. but this is my first real girlfriend, and the first time i've ever been in love. i'm afraid to confront her because i really don't want to lose her. but there are always these questions in my mind. she says she would never hurt me by cheating on me, but whose to say we have a really big fight or something. here's this guy that she's already slept with that would be willing to "comfort" her. there's a lot of what ifs in my mind. this drives me crazy. and because they are such a close relationship as friends she doesn't hesitate to mention him in passing or in everyday conversation. it just makes me so angry, i don't know what to do. the only thing i do know is that i love her, and i honestly would do anything for her. but this is killing me. i just need to find a way to deal with it, and i don't know how. anyway, i hope someone took the time to read through my pent up rant, and is willing to give me some advice. i'd appreciate it. thanks.
bananacake Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I would take a chance and trust her until you know you have a reason not to. If it turns out she's still ****ing him, youll know sooner or later and youll dump her. If it turns out shes not and you didnt trust her, its byebye to a potentially great first gf. (especially since she is so experienced in bed!)
single ape Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I guess you could trust her.. but that's not a very cool start to a relationship. She sounds like a p.i.t.a... I have a feeling this is the beginning of all sorts of problems.
moman Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Yes, girls that are friends with exes are bad news. It's not that you can't trust her, but you definately can't trust HIM. She goes to see him, next think he's coming on to her big time, and she probably can't turn him down. Unless she is one in a million, she will come home having slept with him again.
Author percepta15 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 I guess you could trust her.. but that's not a very cool start to a relationship. She sounds like a p.i.t.a... I have a feeling this is the beginning of all sorts of problems. sorry, a "p.i.t.a.?"
Author percepta15 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 oh! she isn't really. i should have stressed the fact that she is pretty great. she doesn't knowingly do anything to cause me any trouble, and i think its because shes so close to this guy as a friend that she doesn't realize that her relationship with him bothers me so much.
single ape Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 you should talk to her about it.. because if you hold it in too long.. yer going to bite her head off when you let it out. Just tell her it bums you out and then hear what she has to say.
Lindarose84 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 It sounds like your gf doesn't respect you or the relationship because honestly, anyone with half a brain knows that you don't take long weekends with someone who you screwed on a daily basis when you're in a relationship with someone else. Sex changes any relationship/friendship. So things with your gf and her ex f-buddy will never be just platonic. This is a big ol' red flag you should not ignore because if she thinks this behavior is ok, lord only knows what else she thinks is ok. I think you owe it to yourself and to the relationship to talk to your gf and tell her that her hanging out with this dude bothers you....because it does. You don't want this to become pent up because you will begin to resent her for behavior she may be completely aloof to. Relationships are about communication. Talk to her. If she really values your relationship, she should be willing to curb the amount of times she hangs out with this guy. Don't let her turn it around on you with the "you don't trust me?" routine. Trust or no trust, I think it's unfair and ridiculous for her to hang out with the ex f-buddy. It's one thing to trust your gf and another for her to take advantage of that trust by hanging out with that guy.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Nope, not flying in my skies. I would've gave both of them a big ol **** you and have a nice day.
Enema Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I wouldn't put up with it either. In fact, I wouldn't even talk to her about it, I'd just break up. That she's doing it and thinks it's perfectly ok means you're on different wavelengths about what's acceptable inside relationships. If you wade in and start imposing rules about what's ok, she may resent you for it or just hide these things. You need someone that thinks about relationships the same way as you without needing to be "instructed".
peprwpr Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I am in a simular situation, except I am the girlfriend with the male friend. I can say, that we are not involved anymore other than just friends. He has a girlfriend also. But, we are very close friends. Talking daily. Even to the point, on occasion, ending the conversation with "Luv You" But, it is stricktly friends. I am very much in love wtih my current boyfriend, and have absolutly no desire to be with my best friend in a sexual way. He is the same with his girlfriend. Possibly the only difference is that we started out friends, and then added the benefits, with both of us being aware of how it would work if one or both of us were dating someone. But, I guess I also have to say, that me & my current boyfriend started out as friends that the friendship has grown into much more. The connection that I have with the two of them is very different. I love them both, but the sexual connection is only with my current boyfriend. He is all I want. Regardless of the past.
pinkberry Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 It sounds like your gf doesn't respect you or the relationship because honestly, anyone with half a brain knows that you don't take long weekends with someone who you screwed on a daily basis when you're in a relationship with someone else. Sex changes any relationship/friendship. So things with your gf and her ex f-buddy will never be just platonic. This is a big ol' red flag you should not ignore because if she thinks this behavior is ok, lord only knows what else she thinks is ok. I think you owe it to yourself and to the relationship to talk to your gf and tell her that her hanging out with this dude bothers you....because it does. You don't want this to become pent up because you will begin to resent her for behavior she may be completely aloof to. Relationships are about communication. Talk to her. If she really values your relationship, she should be willing to curb the amount of times she hangs out with this guy. Don't let her turn it around on you with the "you don't trust me?" routine. Trust or no trust, I think it's unfair and ridiculous for her to hang out with the ex f-buddy. It's one thing to trust your gf and another for her to take advantage of that trust by hanging out with that guy. Agreed! I know what you're feeling - you don't want to come off as untrusting, but seriously, if my boyfriend were spending a weekend with a chick he used to bang, I would not be okay with it.
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