troubleman Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I've been dating a girl for 2 months give or take. Her mom set us up, things moved way to fast, we were spending 3-4 nights a week together etc... Everythign was fine until last fri night. She tells me she can't go out becasue she has work early in the am etc... Long story short, she is out to 3am ends up being seen by some of my friends (just seen not doign anythign inappropriate) and I blew my top basically over stepped my bounds.... I didn't care that she was out, i just didn't like being lied to... Anyhow... A week goes by, things are weird but she is calling me... We speak, i call her a few times sent to voicemail or no answer. It feels like i am being jerked around... I really liked her, i felt like she had some long term potential and now I am miserable that I ruined it... I sent her an email aplogizing and flowers hoping to fix things... Which i think they did help initially... Thursday night 2am i txt her insinuating i can't sleep because of her, she calls at 2am we talk everythign is good. The next day she implies i took back my apology and that i am a liar... Which i never did nor did i intend to... Sent another email clarifying all of this... Called her and was blown off... haven't heard from her since... I think my chances of her reaching out to me are minimal right? Her mom is in my life work wise and a big fan of mine. I am not sure how to deal with her, i am not sure what my next move should be and i am not sure if ther is anythign else i can do in order to fix this? I really would like a second chance... I know i over reacted and made an ass out of myself i have owned up to what i did, (which wasn't anythign that crazy) and i have tried to fix this situation the best i can. Any input would be appreciated... right now i feel like i shoudl let a week go by and see what happens... maybe a month? I don't know... Thanks in advance
percepta15 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 honestly, i've been in situations similar to this and the best thing to do, if you've already reached out to her is to let it be. you can't force her to want to reconcile with you. if you feel like you've made an honest effort to fix things up, i don't see what else you can do.
colosseum Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I second what percepta15 has said. But to add, I also would hate to be lied to for something simple as that. Sure may be you overreacted, but if she was just going to goof around, why did she have to lie? That would piss me off too. And then she tries to tell you that you're a liar? Now granted I don't know the whole story, but she seems a bit quirky to say the least. I think it's best for your own sake if you left it behind.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 You didn't screw up. She did, by lying. I think you've done everything you can. Did she ever apologize for lying? What was her excuse? It's tough because you work with her mom, but I think this relationship is nearing its end.
Author troubleman Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 I was afraid this was going to be the concensus. I jsut feel like ****. I really messed up granted it was instigated by her lying but I know how hard it is to find someone who makes you feel the way I did when I was with her and it is really hard for me to say goodbye to that. At this point i have accepted 100% of the guilt. I definatley over stepped my bounds. I woudl rather take all the guilt instead of be involved in a he said she said... you follow? As far as her mom goes, she is still on my side, she is very over reaching in that she calls and emails me to find out whats going on and to see if i have fixed things yet. So i don't know what that means, if she jsut wants it fixed because hse likes me or if her daughter is venting to her etc... It is really frustrating... We will see what the next few days and weeks bring... Part of me thinks she likes the attnetion, i've dated people like this before and if that is the case it is time to move on anyhow... At the end of the day I took responsibility for what I did, appologized for my stupidity and I am accepting the consequences. There is not much else I can do. Thanks for your help.
Kaii Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I don't know if this will be popular, but I would just ignore her. For some reason, it seems to make women stop and take notice. Almost like, "What??? He's not paying attention to me anymore....I wonder why?" But you have to ask yourself, is this really the type of relationship that you want, one where you have to play games? I thought it was odd how you said that she accused you of "taking back your apology". Why would she think that? What was said? Did you take back your apology? It doesn't seem like you did, but maybe we are missing part of the story.
dreamergrl Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I wouldn't want to be lied to either, and have reacted the same way. You have to decide if you can move on from that, and trust her from here and out. There could be many reasons for the lie. She could have been out with another guy, or maybe she just felt things where going fast too, and wanted some time away and didn't know how to tell you. It's hard to say. How did she react when you busted her?
Author troubleman Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I guess only time will tell... I just feel like an schmuck. Today is the first day i've felt a little better and thats only because i feel like i've put together a game plan of sorts for the next few weeks...
BobSacamento Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Well why did she lie? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say she did it because she wanted space and at the same time she didn't want to disappoint you. Your reaction, while understandable, probably sent up a red flag to her now. Next time I'd act cool.
colosseum Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I jsut feel like ****. I really messed up granted it was instigated by her lying but I know how hard it is to find someone who makes you feel the way I did when I was with her and it is really hard for me to say goodbye to that. At this point i have accepted 100% of the guilt. I definatley over stepped my bounds. I woudl rather take all the guilt instead of be involved in a he said she said... you follow? I follow. And I know how much it hurts. And it seems that you blame yourself for the misdeeds in your good-hearted way, and will try to mend the relationship and re-establish what you had before. While it seems noble at the time, I think that you might, as I have, in time regret this and realize that what you were ultimately doing was not respecting yourself. You deserve better than to be lied to, and especially for a guy who seems like a kind-hearted, self-respecting man. You were justifiably angry, and she did not justify her actions well. You're better than this, and you know it. I say try to move on from this and drop out of sight for a while--for both your and the girl's sake. (And keep it cordial & short with her mom; no need for expounding information) But I know how you feel. Tough it out; you'll prevail.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It's funny how she lied to you- and you are the one ending up apologizing. I guess it depends on the severity of your "over reaction". Care to share how you reacted? My guess is similar to others, that she lied about going out because she was looking for space. Your over reaction to her lie gave her the perfect excuse to turn things around and blame you. This gives her a way out if she chooses to take it. I think she is confused about what she wants and created this drama instead of being up front. Would you have been mad if she had wanted to go out with her friends and was honest about it? Is there another reason she felt it necessary to lie? Does she think you are jealous? Just trying to pull more facts together.
RecordProducer Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I really messed up How exactly did you mess up? Did you call her names, did you yell at her, hit her...? If you just nagged about it, then it's no biggie. Just the fact that she rejected you through a lie means she's hiding something - and what she was hiding was that she didn't feel like seeing you that night. That means she is not that into you. If she were, she wouldn't have dumped you over one argument. Trust me. She has no long-term potential, according to what you described here.
loser101 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I think she is just really immature. Im sorry but there isnt much you can do. You slightly overcooked it with that 2am text, you should have dropped it after sending the flowers. That happens though, easy with hindsight. However, she seems to be the anxious, insecure type. Not the best for inevitable conflicts.
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