jets Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I have been with this girl for more than 3 years now. I love her truly from my heart and dream of spending my life with her.. but this girl,she says tht she isnt physically attracted to me at all.. Though she always said tht frm da beginning, I thought time would change things and thought she would slowly develop attraction for me. i hv been an excellent bf thruout and hv tken lot of efforts on tis relationship. bt alas, i she isnt attracted to me at all.. I am confused.. she also maintains tht she is deeply in love with me n cnt think of life without me.. is it possible to love someone so deeply yet not be attracted to tht person?? I feel helpless and frustrated.. kindly help.. hw cn i gt her 2b attracted 2me? its been 3+ yrs so hw do i rekindle da flame all over again, considering tht a couple actualy 'settles down' aftr all tis while?? will she ever be attracted to me??
Awesome84 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hi Jets. I think your in a tough situation. As a female, I honestly don't know how I can carry on in a relationship where there isn't any physical attraction. There was this guy that I was dating but I could never take it to beyond the dating stage because I was never physically attracted to him. Nice guy... good conversation... but no chemistry whatsoever. Yes... Chemistry! It all boils down to chemistry. When you have real chemistry with someone... there HAS to be physical attraction. It has nothing to do with looks.... When there is chemisty... a person can't help but be attracted to you nomatter how unattractive you may think you are. They would find you attractive anyway... when there's chemistry. So I have a question for you: 1. If she's not attracted to you physically... are you guys even having sex??? I couldn't imagine having sex with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. Anyway... either.... she's attracted to someone else (god forbid) or she only likes you as a friend (hence the reason why she loves you so much). And if she does only like you as a friend... then WTH is she doing in a relationship with you??? (Rhetorical). Jets... you need to get to the bottom of this... but the only way to do that is to ask her why and that you need specifics. You need to start asking her questions... because the longer this goes on... the relationship isn't going to last. Good Luck!
fella Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 ouch! unlucky jets. hate to be the bearer of bad news but it sounds to me that she loves you but is not in love with you. it's over mate.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 The first thing everyone asks anyone in your situation is if you are overweight. Getting into great shape is something that you have complete control over. Could you stand to trim down or buff up? If so, do it! It's good for your health and your self-image. A good friend of mine was with her ex for many years, and though she loved him and they had a relationship that was very good for the most part, she told me she was never that physically attracted to him. He's a cute guy, but he's at least 30 pounds overweight. If he lost the weight and toned up, I'm sure she would be more attracted to him. My friend is attractive and in fantastic shape -- she works out, does yoga, and eats healthy. Also, look at other factors you can control: hairstyle, wardrobe, attitude, a big smile on your face, posture. Work on these, and see how this affects your self-image and your relationship.
Timmers Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 ^ I absolutely agree with Ruby. Good advice there.
bananacake Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Im afraid thats called "becoming just friends". It is happening to me too. I really do care for my gf alot, but im no longer physically attracted to her. Im just waiting for the right time to end it... Sounds mean, but theres no use being in a non-physical relationship when you know theres tons of girls out there that can provide you with just that. And even though you might still want to be with her, she is gonna start getting attracted to other guys and leave/cheat sooner or later, so you migh as well get out now. I know thats what im feeling. And id rather leave than cheat
DunnoWhat Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I have been with this girl for more than 3 years now. I love her truly from my heart and dream of spending my life with her.. but this girl,she says tht she isnt physically attracted to me at all.. Though she always said tht frm da beginning, I thought time would change things and thought she would slowly develop attraction for me. i hv been an excellent bf thruout and hv tken lot of efforts on tis relationship. bt alas, i she isnt attracted to me at all.. I am confused.. she also maintains tht she is deeply in love with me n cnt think of life without me.. is it possible to love someone so deeply yet not be attracted to tht person?? I feel helpless and frustrated.. kindly help.. hw cn i gt her 2b attracted 2me? its been 3+ yrs so hw do i rekindle da flame all over again, considering tht a couple actualy 'settles down' aftr all tis while?? will she ever be attracted to me?? I disagree with most posters because of the highlighted part. I think your girlfriend is saying that you're not Brad Pitt to her but she's not exactly running away from you or ashamed of your looks either. Sometimes I see girls that look plain to me and I wouldn't be attracted to but that doesn't mean they're not nice. Everybody can improve themselves in some way. lose weight, bulk up, dress better, posture, haircut, eat healthy etc etc. Make the most of what you have. Attractive people usually look healthy.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 There's someone else. I'm sorry. So dump her before she dumps you. She sounds like a very shallow woman. if she wasnt attracted to you in the first place then why is she your girlfriend?
Author jets Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 @ Mr.Dream Merchant hell no!! we r both 22!! @ awesome84 we do hv good number of intimate sessions. bt she is clearly nt participative n it hurts. she says she doesnt feel nethng for me bt stil gvs in coz she loves me.. i dnt think thers ne1 els eithr, i kno my gal n i kno all her frnds.. as u also said, i hv asked her many number of times, n her explaination is simple, she says tht attraction doesnt matter to her till the time she loves me. for her, all the love n affection and caring matters, the lack of attraction doesnt bothr her,in her opinion. @ ruby yes im oveweight, my weight fluctuates 20lbs here n ther.. i m also losing hair like anythng! clearly im no1 attractive! she isnt any Angelina Jolie either but im dead attracted to her.. sometimes just at da way she looks at me lovingly! all i cn do here is try n keep myself fit,n yeah im doin tht, im spendin time in da gym n grooming myself well.. im tryin.. @bananacake/donnowat yeah she thinks of me as a friend.. now here is da prob.. we were best friends for a couple of yrs b4 we got in2 tis relationship! could tis b da reason she never feels those 'butterflies in stomach'?? jus coz she is a bit too comfortable with me??
Yamaha Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 When a women tells you she loves you like a friend there is nothing you can do but accept friendship only and look for a new gf. If you value her friendship then put in some time in getting over your feelings for her so you can be a friend ( or if you can't then you will have to say no to the friendship ).
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