arlene619 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hi everyone. This is my first time on here. I have no one to talk to about my situation. Here's some quick info about me. I'm 25 years old. I got married 2 years ago. I was in a relationship with my husband for about 11 months before we got married.. I know now I jumped into marriage way too fast. This is my first marriage, I was hoping it was my last. He has a son and I raised him since he was 2 years old so he is like my own child. He is 5 1/2 now. Last night my husband said he was going to the studio to record some music. He left around 8pm last night and came back sometime after 3am( I don't know the exact time because I fell asleep). I asked him not to drink because I know how he acts when he's drunk. He said "ok". When I woke up in the morning our room reeked of liquor! I was already mad because he was plastered when I tried to wake him up to ask him how his session went. I went to answer my phone and I saw a picture message. It was of a bunch of people drinking. Maybe a club or something. So I know he wasn't at the studio recording! He must've sent that picture message to me by mistake because he was so drunk!! (sigh) So I asked him about it. And he denied it. I know this sounds so stupid for me to get mad about him drinking at a party but it's just the fact he told me he was going to go record a song and he lied to me. Throughout the night he was texting me about how good the song is coming along yet the time he texted me was the same time he sent me that picture... He lies to me about little things and I don't know what to do. Everytime I confront him about lying he gets so defensive and really angry. In the end it makes me feel like I did something wrong. I am a good wife to him, I take care of him and his son. I love him so much yet I don't want to be lied throughout my life. Especially from someone who I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with.. How should I approach him? I want him to start telling me the truth! What did I do wrong?!
playlislay Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hey hunny, I was once with a man like that. When ever he would go out drinking, he would ALWAYS get slaughterd, unless I was with him. He just couldnt help himself. One example: The night before his sisters wedding, girls and boys go out seperately. Im at the hotel by 12-I had to stay up and wait to let him in as I had the key and didnt want the door left unlocked. I text him at 1am-no reply. I call him-no reply. I wait around, p*ssed off. 3am-no sign. Try to sleep, worried out of my brains. I find out that all of the boys returned home at 1am, but him and his cousin stayed out. Turns out his cousin lost him. Hmmmmm......'where the hell could he be?'........ I cant sleep, I toss and turn. I visualise him being slumped down some alley, or lost, or in some other womans bed. 7am-I hear a noise of a man...........then disjointed footsteps entering the room and another set of footsteps leaving the room. I turn around and this lump of a man is in my bed. Yes, it was him. I was disgusted and looked like a tired WRECK for the wedding. I HATED him that day. He claimed e couldnt remember where he had been-he had cuts and bruises everywhere. God knows who brought him home, it was definately a man as I heard a manly cough. Oh he was a state. It made me so sad. ( He was a constant liar too. He would lie until he was blue in the face, unless the evidence was THERE infront of his face. Its such a shame that these men get like this. Its a waste. Maybe it is just a phase. Only you know him personally, so only you can judge. Not the best advice, or advice at all. But I just thought I would give you an extreme to read and decide if he is the same. These kind of people are unlikely to change, but some people can with the rght motives. Be careful xx
Author arlene619 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks for the response . Now he's trying to act like nothing is wrong. I told him how I felt but he ignores me. We're married and I am trying my hardest to deal with these CONSTANT issues. It's so stressing and I don't know what to do. I just drove around the city to think and I got a pedi and manicure to get my mind off it. I can't stop thinking about it. I am so sick and tired of this. I gave him an ultimatum. I told him to either stop lying to me and be truthful or I'm leaving him. I know it sounds drastic but I'm at the point where I don't cry anymore.... I just start feeling sick to my stomach. I have no idea what he did last night. He doesn't remember anything!!! I hate this. I regret getting married so young and so soon. Oh well, we learn from our mistakes...
wuggle Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hopefully this was the right thing to do. This level of dishonesty this early in a marriage doesn't sound good. If he is out with his mates drinking at nightclubs and lying about it it could be he is lying about other stuff as well. Do you have anywhere to go if things go badly ?
Author arlene619 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 Well.. I do if I can pay rent by myself. He is trying to mend things by saying sorry or he acts like nothing happened. I'm tired of the empty promises. I love him so much but I know I can do better. He is a good husband and father. But the lying is really getting to me. I don't want to fall in love again because this seems to happen to me in every relationship.. It got me wondering.. WHAT ON EARTH DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??!!!!
TooBigAHeart Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 you did not do anything to deserve this, lying to someone is never okay! it seems like the things he lies to you about revolve around drinking mostly...could it be possible that he is trying to hide a problem from you? it is important to ask yourself why he is doing this, not just why is he doing this to me. don't ever blame yourself for being lied to!
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