anhonestfella Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I have been looking on the internet trying to find answers as to why I left my partner, and it has just hit me like a brick, my boyfriend controlled me in every way, what I wear, not seeing my friends an more, leaving his home perfectly tidy, making me argue with him only in front of my mates, making me call 1st and always justifying myself, always telling him how good he is and how lucky I am to have him, he said I should trust only him, paid for a holiday and gifts for him, cooked, did errands and much more, he never once told me how lucky he was I had to ask for us to slep together ask for cuddles, and would keep me waiting for days, he created drama's usually when I was at night school or working away, he talked down to me and said i needed help, I lost some confidence, and stopped smiling so much, only ever did what he says So I left him, hardest thing I have ever done, but why do I not cry, 6 days have passed and no tears, is this normal, Whats happening to me, I miss him like mad, will he be suffering too?
Ayla Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hi, Firstly I think that you are an amazing woman to have left him. It takes a strong person to be able to do that. I am not sure if you realise - but what he has been doing is a type of abuse - emotional abuse, and is just as damaging as any other type of abuse. Can i ask - did he ever physically abuse you? Secondly - I suggest that you go and get some professional help (not in a bad way at all - you are amazing). They can give you the tools to get through this, and they can also be a sounding board for you. A professional has a lot of experience in this area and they can onyl help you start your new life. It is natural for you to miss him, given that he has controlled your life for how ever long it has been. You most likely do not even know who you are anymore - what you like what you want to wear, who you want to hang out with etc. So a counsellor will be of great assistance for you. He does not sound like a good person. Someone who genuinely loves someone does not put them down, does not control everything. Love is about respect, compromise and honesty. The reason he was controlling your life is because he needs that to make himself feel better. So you did the right thing It will be really hard, and that is why i suggest you find a counsellor asap. And in the mean time look in the mirror and remember that you are a wonderful, beautiful person who only deserves the best.
Capten Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hi, Firstly I think that you are an amazing woman to have left him. It takes a strong person to be able to do that. I am not sure if you realise - but what he has been doing is a type of abuse - emotional abuse, and is just as damaging as any other type of abuse. Can i ask - did he ever physically abuse you? Secondly - I suggest that you go and get some professional help (not in a bad way at all - you are amazing). They can give you the tools to get through this, and they can also be a sounding board for you. A professional has a lot of experience in this area and they can onyl help you start your new life. It is natural for you to miss him, given that he has controlled your life for how ever long it has been. You most likely do not even know who you are anymore - what you like what you want to wear, who you want to hang out with etc. So a counsellor will be of great assistance for you. He does not sound like a good person. Someone who genuinely loves someone does not put them down, does not control everything. Love is about respect, compromise and honesty. The reason he was controlling your life is because he needs that to make himself feel better. So you did the right thing It will be really hard, and that is why i suggest you find a counsellor asap. And in the mean time look in the mirror and remember that you are a wonderful, beautiful person who only deserves the best. Ayla, that is excellent advice. First of all, congratulations!! You did the right thing. A controlling man will suck the life out of you, and take away your sense of self. Controlling people are extremely low in self esteem and should be avoided like the plague! The above comment is dead on, controlling is a form of abuse. It would only get worse if you stayed, and harder to leave as time goes on. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GO BACK, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES AND CUT OFF ALL CONTACT!!! This is so important because I'm sure he will try to get you back. A controlling person once having lost control, will do anything to get that control back..... Do not make the mistake of thinking he is doing it out of love...... He isn't.... No matter how much it seems so. Why do you not cry? I can only guess that deep down you have a resentment..... My ex, is now with someone she says is controlling. She even told me that he hit her and it tears me up inside... I wish I never pushed her away. I wanted her back, and she stays with an abusive piece of sh**! Tell me, why the hell do you women love these losers?? They have no self esteem, they don't care about anyone but themselves (I guess that gives the false impression of self esteem?). I would love to know why an intelligent, well adjusted woman would stick around for this, but I guess it happens all the time. Everyone has told me with regards to my ex 'it won't last'..... yet it has lasted. Sorry, I've taken off because this subject is obviously a sore spot for me. I really wish you the best with this, and hope you don't see him again. A controlling person also doesn't reckognize what they are and are not likely to reform or get help. You will get over him, I promise... and when you do, make sure you find someone who isn't the same.
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