Allrightsviolated Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Tonight my boyfriend of a year and a half got into the same argument that we've been getting into for a while over an incident where he was working on a huge project (we're both writers) which is a common hobby of ours that would enable us to spend more time together and have fun. I told him it wasn't making me happy because he was over working on it until the point it wasn't fun anymore and was barely spending time with me he was so caught up in it so when I told him that I wasn't having fun, instead of trying to fix the problem he blew up on me and destroyed it completely in a fit of rage and had a heart attack. (seriously his roomate had to take him to a hospital and he's a healthy young guy) He then started claiming I literally broke his heart. Ever since then I resented him, not for the fact that he destroyed what was supposed to be "our" project, but the fact that he refused to listen to me before he blew up. He keeps claiming he did it all for me when I told him not to do it in the first place, but I'm not trying to sound ungrateful here, the thing is I feel like he was working on it for his own selfish purposes and got himself stressed out. I probably should've been more sensitive towards the fact he had a heart attack over it and I did let it go until January of this year when he decided he was going to rebuild and work on it again until it happened to fall apart, which I had been warning him was going to happen all along when he refused to listen to me the first time around. By then I was well involved and interested in our project and doing my best to help him and keep it going and I constantly tried to give him advice on how to make it interesting and fun again but again he would not listen to me told me he didn't want to talk about it yet instead went to another woman for advice which infuriated me. To add insult to injury he gave up and without any consideration for my feelings gave our project away to a woman who used to be into him and dedicated an entire novel to his ex (even though it was dedicated to all women) when I read her name is all over it. So we've been getting into fights about him not listening to me and I keep bringing that particular situation up whenever he asks for an example of why I think he doesn't listen to me or value my opinion. It really pisses me off and hurts my feelings, but now in April we fight over it every three days and he keeps breaking up with me over and I don't take him seriously because he keeps checking on me and after a day or two of missing each other we get back together but I'm starting to feel like my heart can't take it anymore especially over just a an argument. I'm sick of this and he says he's sick of it too, but I don't see how when last night he was telling me how me he loved me, even the bad part of me, well if he loved me then why would he dump me again just like that over a dumb argument? It's so stupid we made several pacts to drop this issue but I can't get over the fact that he will not listen to me, that he doesn't do anything special for me and respects and values other people's opinions over mine and then goes back and claims that the stupid project was to make me happy. It just sickens and disgusts me and it really hurts because I love him so much and I don't mean to be a bitch but I think this is so unfair. I mean I know we break up all the time over this same dumb fight but tonight I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out because when the subject of writing comes up (because it's such a big part in both of our lives) I do bring it up but I really don't think I've done anything wrong.
playlislay Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hunny, listen to me. Do you want to lose this man? I hope the answer is no. You two MUST ressolve your differences, otherwise you will lose him like I lost my man-over a re-occuring argument. Ive lost my world and the funker will NOT give me another chance. Ive screwed up and four months down the line I am still suffering for it. You honestly dont know what youve got until it is gone, and mine is most certainly gone. For good. Never to return to my heart again. Let this be a warning to you. (Sorry to sound like doom and gloom, Ive woken up feeling highly depressed over him) ( Good luck!
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 You are far too attached to your ego and your desire to be right. so is he. What does it matter? Your work is one thing. Your private lives are another. Why permit the two to mix? it is unhealthy. Leave work at work, and discuss it professionally. leave love at home and discuss it amorously. But mixing the two is a recipe for disaster. Will this still be so hugely, vitally important in 10 years' time? What about next year? So why give it such importance now? if he dies of a heart attack, how will you resolve the issue with him then?
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