Woody75 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hey guys, there is a lot of advice in this forum. However, there are so many threads that I don't have a lot of time to go through them all..., sorry. So here is my story: I am so confused and depressed. I am in the Navy along with my girl friend. I am state side and she is Deployed to The middle east. She is a great girl and we been seeing each other for a little over a year. Our relationship has been great. Some ups and down, but nothing out of the ordinary. When we were preparing for her to go, we promised each other that we would "walk the line" and keep in contact. I even went out and bought her a promise ring. We are really in love, or so I thought. Well, the Deployment started out great..., e-mails everyday, phone call every other day, and video chat more often then I thought we would. This was good for about a month..., then it slowed dramaticly. At first I thought, she is busy..., working long hours. However, there would be three day stretches without one e-mail or anything. My gut feeling took over and told me "Cheating". Well, she came clean last week and told me she got drunk and screwed around (Once). She did not e-mail, call and refused to do video chat because of guilt and she could not face me. Of course I asked detailed questions and she did things to him that were reserved for me. I was and still hurt. She cried and cried..., she apoligized over and over. Told me it was stupid and that she did it out of insecurities. WHAT?? insecurities?? She told me (while she is sobbing) that she was afraid I would not want her anymore after she got back, due to the fact it happened to her on her last deployment. Her man did not want her anymore. I have been so depressed for the last 4 days. I love her so much. I want to believe her when she told me that it will not happen again. I want to give her a second chance. I mean, I Love Her. She still has 3 months of deployment to go. Oh by the way..... she said she lost the promise ring between Italy and Bahrain. She now calls me everyday, and we have been viseo chatting every night since she came clean. Should I wait for her?? Should I give her a second chance?
CaliGuy Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hey guys, there is a lot of advice in this forum. However, there are so many threads that I don't have a lot of time to go through them all..., sorry. So here is my story: I am so confused and depressed. I am in the Navy along with my girl friend. I am state side and she is Deployed to The middle east. She is a great girl and we been seeing each other for a little over a year. Our relationship has been great. Some ups and down, but nothing out of the ordinary. When we were preparing for her to go, we promised each other that we would "walk the line" and keep in contact. I even went out and bought her a promise ring. We are really in love, or so I thought. Well, the Deployment started out great..., e-mails everyday, phone call every other day, and video chat more often then I thought we would. This was good for about a month..., then it slowed dramaticly. At first I thought, she is busy..., working long hours. However, there would be three day stretches without one e-mail or anything. My gut feeling took over and told me "Cheating". Well, she came clean last week and told me she got drunk and screwed around (Once). She did not e-mail, call and refused to do video chat because of guilt and she could not face me. Of course I asked detailed questions and she did things to him that were reserved for me. I was and still hurt. She cried and cried..., she apoligized over and over. Told me it was stupid and that she did it out of insecurities. WHAT?? insecurities?? She told me (while she is sobbing) that she was afraid I would not want her anymore after she got back, due to the fact it happened to her on her last deployment. Her man did not want her anymore. I have been so depressed for the last 4 days. I love her so much. I want to believe her when she told me that it will not happen again. I want to give her a second chance. I mean, I Love Her. She still has 3 months of deployment to go. Oh by the way..... she said she lost the promise ring between Italy and Bahrain. She now calls me everyday, and we have been viseo chatting every night since she came clean. Should I wait for her?? Should I give her a second chance? You aren't going to like my advice, but here goes. You both are in the Military (I am a former Marine, so I can relate to what you are going through). At your ages, I sincerely doubt that you'll be in a relationship in the future. Military life is rough and it's not condusive to a lasting relationship for most people. What I am trying to say is, she's already proven in a short period of time that she's not mature enough to have a committed relationship. The fact that she admitted to doing things to him that she reserved for you tells you that she has no self control and doesn't really understand what love is. If I were in your shoes, I would just cut her off and move on. You need time to heal. I wouldn't bank on a second chance, because at this point (and you know this) you wouldn't be able to trust her. And without trust there is no foundation for a relationship. Learn from this experience, my friend. The sooner you do, the sooner you WILL find the right girl and have a happy, lasting relationship. Just finish your enlistment before you think about anything long term. This relationship has already started out on a devastatingly BAD level. It won't get any better, trust me on that. Why waste your time on someone who would throw your relationship away so easily? See what I am saying here? Let her go and forgive her so that you'll be free to find Ms. Right later. And trust me, you have PLENTY of time for that. And there will be others. That I can promise you. Cheers.
boldjack Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 No, No, NO, She cheated on her previous bf, and she cheated on you . What more proof do you need that she can't be trusted? She's probably cheating on you , right now, and laughing about it. Why do you want to believe her? Because she cried and "confessed", Women can cry at the drop of a hat, and frequently do so to avoid the consequences of their actions. And don't believe that old excuse, that she didn't tell you, because she was afraid that you would leave her. That's one of the oldest in the book. She is using you as a back-up, someone to return home to, when she has cheated with anyone she wants to, on the ship. Dump her!!!
Author Woody75 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks Devil Dawg. You advice helps:cool:
boldjack Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 What happened to her "promise ring", shows what she really thinks of you.
Author Woody75 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 No, No, NO, She cheated on her previous bf, and she cheated on you . What more proof do you need that she can't be trusted? She's probably cheating on you , right now, and laughing about it. Why do you want to believe her? Because she cried and "confessed", Women can cry at the drop of a hat, and frequently do so to avoid the consequences of their actions. And don't believe that old excuse, that she didn't tell you, because she was afraid that you would leave her. That's one of the oldest in the book. She is using you as a back-up, someone to return home to, when she has cheated with anyone she wants to, on the ship. Dump her!!! I failed to mention..., she did not cheat on her last boyfriend. He devistated her when she got back telling her that he was not what he wanted. Sorry that I left that out. :rolleyes:Ok, I just went on what she told me. Thanks for the reply Boldjack.
CaliGuy Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks Devil Dawg. You advice helps:cool: You're welcome. Just remember, you gave her that ring. She took it and still slept with another guy. What does that tell you about her? I wouldn't even take it personally. I know it's hard not to, but she's young and immature. She screwed up, but that doesn't mean you have to take her back. Just forgive, try your best to forget and move on. There's no way you will ever trust her again. I know I wouldn't/couldn't. As PaperChase said in his thread (that his buddy said). "I ain't never seen a UFO and I ain't never seen a b*tch I couldn't live without!" Haha. Sorry, I like that saying!
vessv6l Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 To err is human, to forgive is devine Alexander Pope said that in an essay on criticism. I guess not being able to see her face to face would make this situation more difficult. No one but her would know the true circumstances around why she was unfaithful and if it would happen again. Would you be alright keeping the relationship for the rest of her deployment or would it bother you too much if it would happen again? if you think you could trust her to be true and honest then forgive her. If you think your thoughts would consume you then might be best to end it, at least for now. If she loves you and you her maybe you can pick up the relationship once she returns
playlislay Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 To err is human, to forgive is devine Alexander Pope said that in an essay on criticism. I guess not being able to see her face to face would make this situation more difficult. No one but her would know the true circumstances around why she was unfaithful and if it would happen again. Would you be alright keeping the relationship for the rest of her deployment or would it bother you too much if it would happen again? if you think you could trust her to be true and honest then forgive her. If you think your thoughts would consume you then might be best to end it, at least for now. If she loves you and you her maybe you can pick up the relationship once she returns Very good Vess, but what if she has proven that she cant help but lie? The love of my life cheated, I gave him the chance to be upfront, he lied even when my words made it CLEAR that I had all of the evidence I needed. He finally admitted it, I gave him one more chance to own up to anything else and that once I knew all I would give him a second chance. He sore that he told me everything, that was until I got home and realised he had been with more than the one woman he claimed to have slept with. I still took him back. Yes, Im a mug, and I may sound utterly stupid and blind for saying such a thing- but we were in love. I gave him the chance to be honest at a time when he was in the deepest of sh*t, he continued to lie to save his own ass, and from that day forth the trust had gone. If, however, she has openly admitted it and hasnt left out a single detail and has learned from her mistakes, then give her a chance. Honesty, in my eyes, is admirable. People make mistakes, its if they can own up to it that really matters. Every one deserves a second chance. ) Good luck hunny x
Author Woody75 Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 Thanks guys for all the advice. It made me feel better to talk it out. Update: She has been trying to prove to me that she will work on our relationship. She e-mails, and calls me all the time now..., more than before. She still reminds me of the guilt she feels. I told her that we will talk when she gets home..., but she says she will not be with another till then. I still have doubts, but I love her and I will continue keeping contact with her while she is away. The next 3 months will only tell.
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