mistress Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 This might be kind of a long story and sorry if it is. I dated this guy Dylan for about four months back in 2007. We got into a fight I don't even remember what it was about and he broke up with me. We went a while without talking to each other. Well we started talking again and became best friends. He started seeing another girl at the beginning of 2008 at which point I realized I was still in love with him. I didn't mind her. She was just an acquaintance and I wanted to be her friend but she was always caught up with her own friends and wouldn't even give me the time of day. HE would bring her over to my house when we'd have parties and she would talk to me and he would invite me to parties at his house and we never had a problem with getting along. Anyways on my birthday they had been dating for two or three months and they both came out to the bars for my 21st birthday. She bought me a drink and then left earlier than he did and he stayed out with me and the rest of our friends. I asked him to take me home because I was too drunk to drive and didn't want a ride from any of our other friends so he gave me a ride. I asked him to help me to my room because I was drunk having trouble walking and stuff and he did and then I kissed him. He didn't stop me so i figured it was okay so we made out for a while. Then I started moving my hand down his pants and he backed away. I was really emotional and started crying because he was with his new girlfriend and I really was sad that I couldn't spend my entire birthday with him. He picked up his keys and gave me a hug so I kissed him and we made out again. We started to fool around a little bit but he couldn't get hard and said he just wasn't into it. Then he said he wanted to be with his girl and not me and left. I texted him and told him to come back and cuddle with me and he was breaking my heart. So he came back upstairs and laid in my bed with me and we talked for a few minutes. He told me he had to go be with his girlfriend and that he couldn't be the one to comfort me anymore. I didn't talk to him for a week and when I did he told me that she found out about what happened and almost broke up with him. He said he wanted to stay with her and the only way she would stay with him is if we stopped talking. By the way they had only been dating for MAYBE three months at this time. So yeah, he chose some girl that he only knew for maybe five or six months over me who he's known since the end of high school. I buy my weed from him so I asked if I can still buy the weed from him and he said yeah but didn't want to see me ever again privately or for more than the five seconds it took to exchange the money. He sold me a bag of weed one time, but after that he told me it was the last time because his girlfriend found out and he didn't want her to think something was going on. He said it was nice to have known me but he wanted to focus on this other girl he was seeing and she got really mad at him for selling me pot. I don't even know why she's so mad, it's not like we even had sex and we were drunk as hell so it's not like it was premeditated! So again, she decided to abuse her power just a little more and convinced him to stop seeing me at all! A few months later I was really drunk and send him a message on myspace telling him that I am not over him yet and how much I miss him. I really do love him still because of how much we have been through. He never responded to it but his girlfriend sent me a message on myspace from her account. She demanded I stop sending him e-mails and calling him and called me all sorts of names and told me a bunch of **** about how much of a loser I am blah blah blah. And she totally over-reacted and was a complete Bitch about it! My best friend (Alicia) got involved, who also happened to be his best friend from high school. We are best friends so of course she is going to tell his girl like it is. She took my side and went off on his girlfriend and nearly physically assaulted her at a bar that they happened to be at the same one as. she had a bunch of people holding her back so nothing happened, but she did go off on his girl. Him and Alicia are not friends anymore and he does not want to be friends with her because she will not accept the fact that they are together. first of all i don't know why he would leave behind his friend from high school for this girl aside from maybe she is controlling him and making him do that! On new years I was feeling really lonely and e-mailed him again because I really do miss him at least as a friend. His girlfriend responded again and told me that he forwards my messages to her which is really hurtful to me it's almost like he thinks I'm a joke now. She told me to stop calling and e-mailing because he doesn't want to talk to me. In myspace I can see that he's read the messages but I don't know why he won't even give me the time of day! I think it's his girlfriend's fault and that she is controlling him and not letting us talk anymore. She has stolen two of my friends and now they always hang out together and of course i don't get invited because she hates me and made them hate me too. Alicia wants to be friends with him again because she heard that they got engaged recently. Her friend from forever ago so for whatever reason she wants to start hanging out with him again. I don't have anything against that but I hope she doesn't steal Alicia from me too! Anyway, Alicia saw him at his work a while back and he wouldn't even talk to her and told her that she blew her chance. And that he was engaged to his girlfriend now and didn't want to deal with her ****ty attitude about it. I feel really bad because I know some of this is my fault. I tried to send him a text message the other day as sort of an unasked favor for alicia because I want him to at least talk to Alicia and he denied me and told me he didn't want to talk to me and it's none of my business (which I'm sure his girlfriend told him to say). I know he is just telling me this because his girlfriend doesn't want us talking and I know this because we got into a stupid texting war. It went like this: Her: "Stay out of our lives. I am asking nicely." Me: "Why are you in mine?" Her: "Because you did this yourself. Look just please stop texting my boyfriend he doesn't want to talk to you." Me: "Stop asking Dylan to not have a conversation with me about a friend of ours. LOL why are you so mad you're the one that bitched me out and said a world of ****ed up **** to me." Her: "She is a big girl I'm sure she can talk to him herself." Me: "I got his number through a mutual friend that asked me to talk to him lol you know nothing about me or the true Dylan so once again stay out of my business and stay out of his." me: "I didn't cause any of this, that was both yours and alicias dumb choices when she chose to disrespect me at the bar. she didn't have his number either you ****ing sociopath! we changed our numbers for a reason. obviously you had to go out of your way to get them! Stop being children!" Me: "She didn't have his number and why would she show any respect to you after you were so rude to someone you didn't even know. Being children is the bull**** you pull me into trying to talk to a good friend is life deal with it. Stop coming between dave and his friends." Her: "I was never rude to Alicia I was rude to you and for a damn good reason. I gave DYLAN another chance, not you. I shouldn't feel obliged to give you a chance! he cheated on me with you. Who do you know that would be okay with that?!" Me: "Don't text me again lose my number and hope to god I don't see you in public and ps straws a big boy too his mom died he doesn't need another one." Her: "I hope we meet in public someday too. :)" Me: "The reason Alicia was such a bitch to you is you stepped out of line and ran your big mouth when I stayed out of your life like you asked me to. If you have something to say say it to my ****ing face otherwise quit blabbering." Her: "LOL, feels like high school again. For the record, I was trying to get him to give Alicia another chance, but the likelyhood of that is now zero to nothing." Me: "Dude this is stupid all I wanted to do was talk to Dylan for ten minutes today he could have just said no but instead sends it to his stupid wife out to fight. I've had your number for a long time now there's a reason i haven't used it." Her: "Like I said, the chances of Alicia and him becoming friends is now probably really moot and she can thank YOU for that. Maybe next time you can let her do things for herself." Me: "Dude I am done trying if me texting Dylan and asking him to talk for ten minutes causes this I don't know how else to get through to you. I'm sorry that my birthday ****ed things up this bad All i was gonna tell him was Alicia didn't need to be in the middle of this and losing a great friend over something so petty." She didn't reply after that I was hoping she would. I don't know what to do. I really want Alicia and him to be able to reconcile and I really wish he would talk to me too. This is so unfair. I'd really like to find a way to stop them from getting married. They are supposed to get married in 2011 but I don't think they are good for each other. From what I hear he doesn't ever go out and party anymore and I have no idea if it's because she just won't let him or what. He's not the same she completely changed him and I think she has ruined his life in terms of friends. The best thing would be is if I could get them to break up. I have tried coming to terms with his girlfriend. i have sent her messages on myspace I have even texted her that I am sorry for what happened. She is being so stuck up though she won't even respond most of the time won't even give me a chance to talk to her or Dylan because she is that selfish. She is probably controlling him and never even lets him do anything. I know it's unlikely that I will be able to get them to break up but what should I do????? If anyone should be mad it's me!
Kaii Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Are you serious??? What exactly do you have to be upset about here...from the sounds of it, you can't accept that your ex bf dumped you and has moved on with someone else. If anyone should be angry here, it should be his new gf, not YOU. He sucked face with you on your birthday. He cheated on her with you. She should be angry, not you. Sorry, but I am taking her side here. I think you need to move on and find another bf. He has made his choice...and it isn't you.
peteyj Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 So you make out with this girls bf, you continue to text him, call him, contact him on mysapce saying you miss him, love him and want him back. Your other friend assaults the gf in a bar for whatever reason. Yeah I guess you and your friend should be angry. It sounds like you two need to grow the hell up. The guy broke up with you what, over a year ago. Get over it and stop acting like a child. The new GF isn't acting like a mom or spoiled brat. She's acting like any GF would if their bf cheated on them and his ex continues to try to get him back. What world do you live in where you are in the right here? You just sound like a psycho bit* as does your friend.
sotired Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Why are you so obsessed with this guy??? Move on. He obviously isn't interested and you seem psychotic. Jeeze...I pity him and his girl for having to deal with you.
Author mistress Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 I have every right to be mad he ditched me along with all of his friends to be with that bitch! He won't even talk to half of the people from out old social group because she doesn't like them or want him to that isn't even a healthy relationship! His girlfriend is the one that's a bitch she sent me a message that said a bunch of messed up **** when I didn't even ask her to. I sent a message to HIM to tell him that I miss him I didn't send it to her. What right does she have to be in his business about it can't he handle it on his own???
normal Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 His girlfriend was right you are a psycho! You need some SERIOUS help. His girlfriend SHOULD and has EVERY RIGHT to be mad and not want him talking to you. Obviously, he doesn't want to talk to you either. Otherwise he wouldn't still be with her and he wouldn't be telling you to leave him alone. And just to let you know, your story about how you lead him up to your room to fool around doesn't make you sound sane. You seduced him and put him on a guilt trip. It didn't even sound like he wanted to cheat, but you DRAGGED him into it. I didn't think I would ever say that, but it really sounds like you guilt tripped him into it. You're a freaking psychopath. You should leave them the hell alone so they can go on in life without you getting in their way.
sotired Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 LOL I almost can't believe you are for real. He doesn't like you. He doesn't want anything to do with you. If you dropped dead he probably would breathe a sigh of relief. He doesn't want to talk to you....His girlfriend is willing to. I don't know why...In her shoes I'd have a restraining order on your psycho a** asap. You have no right to be mad! He was your friend, he's not anymore. He made the choice. If they break up do you really think he will get with you? You are lucky his girlfriend has more class than most. I can't say I wouldn't beat the crap out of you in her place. This is like a ghetto fatal attraction.
missdependant Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Are you serious?! I have been through what his girlfriend has been through and you need to DROP IT!!! He doesn't want you anymore, he wants his girlfriend. You are completely selfish and need to stop being such a crazy stalker! If he wanted to talk to you I'm sure he would, but to me it sounds like he has no desire to! You're going to try and sabotage their marriage because you're being a jealous freak? So what if he left his friends behind, maybe he was looking at the big picture and decided to settle down with a girl and you have no right to try and mess that up for them. Things happen, most people don't even keep their high school friends for their entire life because they do things like go to college, get married, have kids.... you know? Move on in life? You need some HELP! I'm surprised you haven't mentioned the times that you've spent outside of his house looking in his window with binoculars!
Author mistress Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 I came here for unbiased help! I didn't come here to be judged and yelled at. All I am saying is I don't know what to do and I need suggestions on getting him to talk to me at least as friends again I am not fatally attracted to him in fact I don't even feel attracted to him I just miss having him as my best friend what is so wrong with that???
sotired Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 You are getting unbiased opinions....you are just mad because no one is taking your side. Reread what you wrote...put yourself in his girlfriend's position....They had to change their numbers from your constant harrassment! This isn't normal behavior...If you see nothing wrong with your actions please seek out psychological help. He will never be your friend again. Just accept that and move on. You crossed the line when you tried to seduce him....This was the consequence. He chose her over you...Just go lick your wounds in private instead of making a fool of yourself. No one can give you advice on getting your friend back....because there is nothing you can do except leave him alone.
missdependant Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hahahahahahha he obviously DOESN'T WANT to talk to you! Find a freaking hobby and drop it!
Jambalaya Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Oooh boy. Leave him alone. Don't phone him, don't text him, don't do anything. Get over it. She's not controlling him, but it seems that you want to. He's not your friend anymore. He never will be. It's over. And I couldn't help noticing the buying weed, getting drunk comments. Stop doing this. It's not helping.
single ape Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 the title of this post should have been "his girlfriend is dating him" Yes she is dating him, so she doesnt like you. See how that works?
Author mistress Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 I just want some advice on how to be friends with him again. Why is everone jumping down my throat about it I am not trying to hook up with him or anything I just don't want to lose a great friend because of his stupid girlfriend!
peteyj Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 You don't want advice. Look in the damn mirror and realize what you did and what your friend did. You keep calling this girl a stupid controlling whatever. You two hooked up one night...Weren't you the one who wanted to 'cuddle' with him and got mad when he left to go be with his gf? Sounds to me like you want to control him from being with her. The only thing you can do is stop contacting him. Stop thinking about him. Stop doing anything in regards to this guy. Maybe down the line, years, you two might become friends again. Maybe not. Right now you aren't his friend no matter how you slice it. Put it this way if you were my friend, then tried to hook up with me one night, tried to get me to leave my gf, and then harassed me and my gf all the time, I sure as hell would not want anything to do with you. It's one thing to tell him his GF is not good for him. It's another to try to steal him away from his new gf and then go pscyho when he doesn't' leave her. The real world usually doesn't work like TV shows.
Awesome84 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I just want some advice on how to be friends with him again. Why is everone jumping down my throat about it I am not trying to hook up with him or anything I just don't want to lose a great friend because of his stupid girlfriend! I think you are in denial. I think you still like him or else you would respect his girlfriend. You calling her a bitch and stuff like that only shows that you are jealous of her. If you were acting like a real friend to both of them, there would be no issues here. They would WANT to be friends with you. I'm sorry that everyone is jumping down your throat and that everyone seems mean. Some comments were actually mean. But I think you should just let him go as a friend. The cold heard truth is that you have lost him as a bf and as a friend.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 You weren't looking for advice in typing this. You were looking for justification of your behavior. Shouldn't it tell you something that a whole bunch of strangers think that your behavior is abhorrent? It should be a tiny little hint. Back off. You can't force somebody to be your friend. If he really wanted you as his friend, some chick wouldn't stand in his way. But you need to think about this - you are no longer just an ex-best-friend...you are an ex-score. You are a danger to their relationship. Especially since you've proven you can't be trusted around him. Texting him is completely uncalled for. Goodness...you are the ex-girlfriend from hell. His GF has every right to be angry. You got into HER BF's pants and then didn't even give him distance after that to rebuild his relationship. You don't have a right to try and control somebody's else's life. And you don't think YOU'RE the one trying to control? Think again. You think you should get to dictate who he is friends with and who he dates. YOU are the controlling one - not his GF.
Cora Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Hi mistress, I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. It's tough losing a friend and someone you care about deeply. Sometimes people just grow up and change and move on to a new phase in there lives. Nothing lasts forever. In my opinion I don't think his girlfriend is controlling him. If he really wanted to keep in touch and remain friends with you I don't think he would allow his girlfriend to stand in the way. He made the decision on his own not to communicate with you anymore. It's a hard pill to swallow I know, but why would you want to even be friends with someone who no longer wants you in there lives? If you truly want any chance at being his friend again then the best advice would be to give him and his new girlfriend there space. No emailing, texting etc.. You need to completely get over him and let him go. IF in time he wants to be friends again then he will come to you. Just keep in mind you can't be friends with someone if there is the slightest amount of romantic feelings or jealosy involved. Hang in there and I wish you the best of luck!
LovieDove24 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I'd really like to find a way to stop them from getting married. They are supposed to get married in 2011 but I don't think they are good for each other. From what I hear he doesn't ever go out and party anymore and I have no idea if it's because she just won't let him or what. He's not the same she completely changed him and I think she has ruined his life in terms of friends. Did you ever stop and think that maybe you and your friends were the toxic ones here--partying, smoking weed and drunkenly hooking up with one another--and not his soon to be wife? All of the texts she sent you sound pretty level-headed to me, especially coming from a woman who is constantly trying to swat away an annoying fly. You were the one cursing in those texts, you were the one mouthing off about nonsense because you were frustrated, not her. Furthermore, it sounds to me like your ex-friends fiance is actually helping him find a healthier lifestyle away from all the partying. Friendships find their basis on common interest and unfortunately in your case, since it seems like you two no longer share the same interests, this 'friendship' is over.
dreamergrl Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 You know, I can't even begin to explain how gross it is that you'd try to be with someone who has a girlfriend, even if you have a past with him.
Author mistress Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 You guys don't even know me so why should I care what you say. I haven't done anthing wrong she is the one who always gets in the middle. Even when I try to have a really nice conversation. She e-mails ME I have never initiated a conversation with her before I have only tried to talk to my friend. She won't LET us talk and I'm sure if she would keep her nose out of it I WOULD be able to talk to him because I know who he REALLY is. Anytime I send him a message he doesn't reply and then she sends a message so SHE is the one causing drama. The same happens with texts where if I JUST want to talk to him I will send him a message asking him something and then she will text me from her phone telling me what a skank I am and throws out all these insults at me. Like an example was this one time I sent a picture of my dog (it is from when his dog had puppies a couple years ago and i got to pick one out of the litter) and she sent a text saying "he doesn't ****ing care he has his own dog". How is it my fault that she is acting completely irrational??? I wasn't trying to ruin their relationship I just thought he'd like to see a picture of his dog's puppy. Why is everyone acting like his girlfriend is so perfect she is a drama queen and she always drags me into it. Like the time I sent him the drunken e-mail she got pissed off and sent me an e-mail telling me how much of a slut I am and insulting me and whatever. So I replied to her and apparently it infuriated her because her boyfriend called me to tell me to stop antagonizing her. She took the phone away and said something like "**** you bitch and i'm glad I know where you live." I didn't even antagonize her she antagonized me. And THAT'S mature??? Later I texted him and asked if maybe we could just talk about it over a beer without her there to interfere and he never responded, but of course SHE RESPONDED talking more ****. She IS controlling him otherwise he would man up and tell me what he has to tell me instead of telling his girlfriend about it. And when I am texing him I'm doing just that I am texting HIM. Not his girlfriend so it's not my fault that she is being a crazy bitch. BTW if she was mature she wouldn't have the name c u n t w h o r e as a nickname for me. Se told me in an e-mail that's what they like to call me once again HOW IS THIS MATURE
mr.dream merchant Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I'm not trying to be mean Mistress but you gotta look at things from his GF's perspective. She cares about him. He is HER BF. And together with you, he committed infidelity, something everybody doesn't take too lightly. You HELPED HER BF hurt HER. Of course she's going to be mean and nasty towards you. And of course she's going to demand he stop communication with you. What would you do, Mistress, if you were in her position?
GorillaTheater Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 You guys don't even know me so why should I care what you say. I haven't done anthing wrong she is the one who always gets in the middle. Even when I try to have a really nice conversation. She e-mails ME I have never initiated a conversation with her before I have only tried to talk to my friend. She won't LET us talk and I'm sure if she would keep her nose out of it I WOULD be able to talk to him because I know who he REALLY is. Anytime I send him a message he doesn't reply and then she sends a message so SHE is the one causing drama. The same happens with texts where if I JUST want to talk to him I will send him a message asking him something and then she will text me from her phone telling me what a skank I am and throws out all these insults at me. Like an example was this one time I sent a picture of my dog (it is from when his dog had puppies a couple years ago and i got to pick one out of the litter) and she sent a text saying "he doesn't ****ing care he has his own dog". How is it my fault that she is acting completely irrational??? I wasn't trying to ruin their relationship I just thought he'd like to see a picture of his dog's puppy. Why is everyone acting like his girlfriend is so perfect she is a drama queen and she always drags me into it. Like the time I sent him the drunken e-mail she got pissed off and sent me an e-mail telling me how much of a slut I am and insulting me and whatever. So I replied to her and apparently it infuriated her because her boyfriend called me to tell me to stop antagonizing her. She took the phone away and said something like "**** you bitch and i'm glad I know where you live." I didn't even antagonize her she antagonized me. And THAT'S mature??? Later I texted him and asked if maybe we could just talk about it over a beer without her there to interfere and he never responded, but of course SHE RESPONDED talking more ****. She IS controlling him otherwise he would man up and tell me what he has to tell me instead of telling his girlfriend about it. And when I am texing him I'm doing just that I am texting HIM. Not his girlfriend so it's not my fault that she is being a crazy bitch. You throw all this in as if you think this stuff supports your position. It's a good thing you don't care what we say, because otherwise this might hurt your feelings: you come across as a mean-spirited, self-absorbed, obsessive nutjob who doesn't have sense enough to know when to leave someone the hell alone. You think SHE's controlling?? Take a look in the mirror, babe. You're just pissed off because you don't have any control over your ex and his gf, in spite of your best psycho-stalker tactics.
Author mistress Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 I'm not trying to be mean Mistress but you gotta look at things from his GF's perspective. She cares about him. He is HER BF. And together with you, he committed infidelity, something everybody doesn't take too lightly. You HELPED HER BF hurt HER. Of course she's going to be mean and nasty towards you. And of course she's going to demand he stop communication with you. What would you do, Mistress, if you were in her position? If I was her and the mistress was trying to apologize i would accept the apology and let them continue to be best friends. keep in mind he used to be my BEST FRIEND. she won't even accept my apology for what happened she acts like i did it without feeling bad at all and it's not true. i do feel bad about it and i would change the past if i could if it meant i could still be friends with him. she apparently doesn't know what its like to have true friends if she wont allow two best friends to continue to be best friends.
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