moodoo Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 or should I just not respond? This is after a 2 year relationship and her not wanting to date me but at the same time she still wants to linger in my life call me once or twice a week and see how my life is and if im dating anyone all the time. heres what she wrote I didnt want to hurt your feelings, thats the last thing I wanted to do. You are a great person and I care about you so much, but right now i am so stressed out and depressed that I literally don't have anything to offer anyone. Everyday I have to hear that i need to get a job, i cost too much money, you put tons of stress on me with our situation, my brother is leaving, I have no friends, i hate my weight and basicall everything about myself. When I tell you that I need to be by myself for a while its because i am at a point where i feel like i am about to have a nervous breakdown. I know you care about me and only want to help, but i just want to be by myself for a while. Its not that I want to date anyone else, or that I'm asking you to wait for me and not go out and have fun. I just really need time to figure alot of things out in my life right now. You are one of the few people in my life that i know actaully cares about me and that means so much to me, but i cant handle the stress of this relationship right now. I dont want to fight with you, and i don't want you to call me mean names and tell me you hate me every other day. I just really hope you understand this, and know that I do love you but I just cant be anyones girlfriend right now.
sotired Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Do you want her back? I don't know how relationships are so stressful. When I'm going through tough times I appreciate having someone to lean on. But everyone is different....It doesn't seem like she has another guy....but it is obvious that she wants you to keep hanging on...otherwise she wouldn't be so interested in your love life.
trying123 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 This all and good and I am sure she feels this way. You have to ask yourself, if Colin Farrell asked her to be his girlfriend, is she gonna say no? Look I was in the same situation, you have to respect yourself, it is the hardest thing to accept but whatever happened happened, block her number and move on go NC, I know it sucks, same thing happened to me, think about it, what if Brad Pitt wanted to take her out on a date, is she saying no? The only respectful thing you can do for yourself is move on
EmperorR Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 actions speak louder than words, if she loved you she would be with you right now, take her words with a grain of salt, go NC move on.
eclipseIDE Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 or should I just not respond? This is after a 2 year relationship and her not wanting to date me but at the same time she still wants to linger in my life call me once or twice a week and see how my life is and if im dating anyone all the time. heres what she wrote I didnt want to hurt your feelings, thats the last thing I wanted to do. You are a great person and I care about you so much, but right now i am so stressed out and depressed that I literally don't have anything to offer anyone. Everyday I have to hear that i need to get a job, i cost too much money, you put tons of stress on me with our situation, my brother is leaving, I have no friends, i hate my weight and basicall everything about myself. When I tell you that I need to be by myself for a while its because i am at a point where i feel like i am about to have a nervous breakdown. I know you care about me and only want to help, but i just want to be by myself for a while. Its not that I want to date anyone else, or that I'm asking you to wait for me and not go out and have fun. I just really need time to figure alot of things out in my life right now. You are one of the few people in my life that i know actaully cares about me and that means so much to me, but i cant handle the stress of this relationship right now. I dont want to fight with you, and i don't want you to call me mean names and tell me you hate me every other day. I just really hope you understand this, and know that I do love you but I just cant be anyones girlfriend right now. my opinion only but I would write her back and tell her you will give her her space. dont be nasty, just tell her you understand and respect her wishes. But tell her you will not be her crutch. If she wants to be by herself then she will be by herself. Not because youre being mean to her but so she can get through whatever she needs to get through on her own. This is the only true way that she will be able to heal and get on with her life. Also the ball is in your court to decide if you want to move on. Most people will tell you not to wait around but there is also no harm in being by yourself for a while either while you let someone you care about fix themselves. people are often defensive and throw good things away out of ego. hope this helps
Groovy Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 It sounds like she is hurting and you know her more than anyone in this forum. Do you think it's just about weight, events in life or about more? Does she normally talk like this? If she always talks like this I would say you cannot be responsible for her underlying issues and constant crisis. Being a martyr is never good and we all have our problems to work through. If this is not normally her than clearly all she needs right now is a friend.
gavinus Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 You are lucky you got such an honest email! It seems like she cares for you so let her go. If you hold onto her, she will end up resenting you. Tell her you love her and want her to be happy and becuase of that you are letting her go. If you do that she may come back, but I guarantee if you try to keep her with you, it will push her away, and she will never come back, that's what happened to me, good luck
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 It sounds like she is hurting and you know her more than anyone in this forum. Do you think it's just about weight, events in life or about more? Does she normally talk like this? If she always talks like this I would say you cannot be responsible for her underlying issues and constant crisis. Being a martyr is never good and we all have our problems to work through. If this is not normally her than clearly all she needs right now is a friend. I agree with this 100% if this isn't the norm for this girl then shes def in need of a true friend. I never understood why some think exes cant also be friends but it def has to be one way or the other theres no in between on that..
apple21 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 You are lucky you got such an honest email! It seems like she cares for you so let her go. If you hold onto her, she will end up resenting you. Tell her you love her and want her to be happy and becuase of that you are letting her go. If you do that she may come back, but I guarantee if you try to keep her with you, it will push her away, and she will never come back, that's what happened to me, good luck I agree with this. Do your best to move on. If she wants you back, you will cross that bridge when the time comes.
TooBigAHeart Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 i am going through almost the exact situation right now. my boyfriend, who is dealing with depression, broke up with me last week out of the blue. he told me that he needed space and time to figure things out on his own. he knows he cannot give 100% in any relationship, not just ours. he has also told me that he wants me there for him, and he still wants me in his life. it is extremely painful to go through this, and i hope you're coping well. i am still struggling myself. but from all the advice i've gathered from friends and family, really the best thing to do is break off contact for now and move on. i know it's tough, but i'm going to give it a month or so and then see how he has progressed with his issues. it is nearly impossible to be there for someone when they are going through this and expect the same support in return. if you find any advice about your situation regarding dealing with someone who is depressed, let me know! i hope you the best. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t185768/
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