tt_girl_1983 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 i have never been in a relationship and ive found this really great guy that i cant get out of my head. however i think i come across as having so many issues that guys pass me by. how do i avoid this and hold on to this one? im aware that i do have issues with getting physical too early and trusting and some insecurities, but how do i get over it and come across as fun and relationship material? *i really like him* help! i know i have my issues but i am still a fun person! i dont want to be the girl who needs fixing.
Ronni_W Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 i dont want to be the girl who needs fixing. Well, apparently you ARE aware that there are some areas of your Self that can be improved upon, which does mean that you ARE a person with SOME issues...just like every one of the rest of us, of course. (To me, broken appliances/cars/gadgets get "fixed" -- humans improve, heal, recover, grow, develop, etc.) There are any number of ways you can become excellent relationship material. Have you considered getting some professional help for your issues, or Googling "relationship skills", "building trust", "overcoming fears insecurities", etc.? Or, "assertive communication" or "setting healthy boundaries" -- it really depends on what catches your fancy, and what you want to start learning about first. This free, online book is pretty good for an intro to 'emotional intelligence': http://eqi.org/eqe96_1.htm And marriagebuilders.com has some good articles, especially related to 'basic emotional needs'. Good luck with your new guy I hope it all works out really well for both of you!
RecordProducer Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 You can only pretend or be yourself. If you pretend, it's going to bring results short-term. Believe it or not, many people pretend and put their best side upfront just to show their true colors much later. The best thing to do is to work on your issues (possibly with a therapist) while trying to reach a point where you're happy with who you are, but you remain authentic and truthful to yourself. You can't replace your identity nor is it necessary. I assure you that you give yourself too little credit for your qualities. Being unique always brings some form of rejection in the society, but it can lead you far if you let your intuition guide you. You should look for people who accept you the way you are and let you shine and expand. You shouldn't contract yourself for somebody else or taylor your personality according to other people's concept of perfection. What are you issues? The ones you mentioned aren't really "issues."
OtherSide Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Getting physical too early: Not an issue, some guys like it, some don't Too Trusting: Again, not an issue. I myself consider this to have this trait, and can actually reap rewards. Ppl like to be trusted, you just have to be careful who you do trust Insecurities: Every person in the whole wide world has insecurities. And, no, no one, but many. If everyone has some, then technically it's not an "issue" Summary: What issues? I don't see any issues...
Groovy Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 If you had no issues you wouldn't make a post. What age are you? Just curious?
OtherSide Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 If you had no issues you wouldn't make a post. That's a false statement. Everyone is confused about life, and people have their insecurities. Seeking advice from others is the whole purpose of the website.
Groovy Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Sorry, I misread the post. I did not mean YOU have issues because your right we all do and there is nothing wrong with that. If you want to change something about yourself than change it. There's no right or wrong way to handle relationships or by the book way to do things. While it's true many men do not stick around for women who get physical too quickly, some do. I see no harm in making someone wait but that's just me. If they want me enough they'll wait. And what you see as issues in yourself...insecurities, overly trusting, etc someone may find endearing if their the right guy for you!
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