Ashbash11 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 So, I am presented with yet a new LDR problem lately: Insecurity is rearing its ugly head. My boyfriend is stationed in northern CA for about a month for his job and he is living on the UC Berkeley campus. I am very happy for him, because he has friends there and a more bustling social life than usual (than when he is at his "regular" job, at an isolated observatory). However, he's been going out every weekend and drinking at bars and tonight, he is going to a big frat party, because his brother is in a fraternity. I normally wouldn't worry, but the way he met a few of his ex girlfriends was from parties like this. I am afraid that he is going to get really drunk (as everyone does) and make out with a girl or do other things... The worst part is that i am 3,000 miles away, so there's not a thing I can about it. Plus, there's no way for me to ever know if he did or not... I know that I should trust him completely, but I've seen other guys cheat on their girlfriends (just last weekend, in fact) and I can't be 100% secure, I just can't. How do you deal with this? How do you calm yourself down when you know that your significant other is out partying and drinking? I just hate that I can't be totally sure that he won't do anything.. I have had many oppportunies, since I go out partying a lot, but I would NEVER cheat on him. I am completely loyal and I love him too much. I am just worried...
sinkerswim Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I dont know if this helps or not.. but I have a self help book that I read.. in it the guy says.. "When we worry..we are creating something that has never happened, we get ourselves into a real state... it is something made up in our minds, we make up these scenarios..it is not real" He also goes on and says.. that things very rarely work out the way we THINK they will. So..I try to read that when I start to worry about what my boyfriend is thinking or if I said something stupid to him or something and think he might not want to talk to me or something. I hope you can have a relaxing night, Ash. I hope this helped a little bit.
danb Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Good advice Sinkerswim! Before you know any different, always assume the best in these situations. Know he isn't cheating and feel lucky you can trust him. Thinking about something bad that hasn't even happened won't help your relationship at all.
Author Ashbash11 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 I know that worrying won't help our relationship.. That's why I came here asking for ways to STOP worrying... I know that it's somewhat irrational, but I can't help it! I feel really helpless, because in a LDR, you can't really know what your SO is doing.. you just have to take them on good faith. It's tough.
sinkerswim Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I know that worrying won't help our relationship.. That's why I came here asking for ways to STOP worrying... I know that it's somewhat irrational, but I can't help it! I feel really helpless, because in a LDR, you can't really know what your SO is doing.. you just have to take them on good faith. It's tough. you are right... I worry constantly, too!! But again, I have to keep reading those lines from that book. I more worry about bothering him so much when I call..or something stupid like that. I don't want to sound too needy or clingy. Because I know he doesn't care for that.. so whenever I do call...and say something dumb or start crying...I then hang up and worry he might be mad or something. UGHHH I HATE BEING THIS WAY!!
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