IcemanJB Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Some of you are probably getting sick of me. Basically I just don't know what to think right now. As a little background: my ex and I split 6 months ago. Basically it had to do with her being immature, scared, and obviously not ready for something serious (she was 19, I 22 at the time). We were only 'official' briefly but we've known each other for about a year and a half. She partied 1-2 times a week, which was slightly annoying to me, but really not a big deal. She made a big deal of it, saying she felt terrible going out all the time, always scared of what I thought of her. I guess you could say the breakup was mutual, but I've never been as crazy about a girl as I was about her. I've never seen a girl cry as much as she did when we broke up, which kind of confused and scared me. For a couple months afterwards we kept contact (95% she initiated, she even came over a couple times), and she would frequently say she was so sorry, felt terrible, blah blah blah. I never told her it was OK because I was a mess obviously. I only half-lost it once around her after the breakup, and she took the "strong" role that I was used to taking when she kept breaking down. I don't know why I mentioned that, just thought it was interesting. Eventually I told her I wanted NC after a random encounter with her at a bar late one night (both sober and clearly not over it). I told her to not contact me until I did first. She completely honored this request which I'm thankful for. 3 months after that, I planned on breaking NC for reasons related to my sister (another story). About an hour before I was going to text her, I got a text from saying she saw me around campus that day. COMPLETELY a coincidence that she texted me that day after 3 months. Weird. Anyways, a week later I wished her happy birthday which she thanked me for. A few weeks after that I did something kind of STUPID. I mentioned that we should meet up for coffee soon. I regretted it immediately, and started hoping she would not follow through. No such luck. She said she couldn't that weekend, but could the following weekend. I planned on not bringing it up again, hoping she would forget and flake out. Nope...I got a couple long texts from her at 2AM on my birthday, with them ending asking what day works best for me for coffee...ugh. I said "Sunday should work", and kind of dragged my feet about the whole thing. A couple days later she checked to make sure we're still on. Then the day of, (last Sunday) she asks what time I want to meet. Keep in mind it was almost 3 months since I had seen her. I tried to be in the mindset where I was calm, collected and moved on. By the time I got to the door of the coffee shop, my heart was beating a million times a minute. So much for that plan. My hands were shaking, which almost NEVER happens to me. She spotted me, jumped up and gave me a big hug which I was totally not expecting. She is, by nature, quite anxious and gets nervous easily. I could tell she was very nervous, just like she was when we started dating; i.e. couldn't look me in the eyes for about 10 minutes, or talk slowly until she calmed down. Finally we got to talking and catching up. We're still both able to make each other laugh whenever we wanted. Honestly it was really fun and a good time. I tried to just let her do most of the talking, which she did. I would occasionally jump in and give her a hard time about something, or tell her something that happened to me. She challenged me and gave me a hard time a bit too, which I love. I never mentioned the relationship. I did randomly say this, calmly: "you changed your hair. I like it." I hardly ever give compliments, but she clearly like it. She blushed a bit, started playing with her hair and kept saying thank you. It was quite cute! Then I invited her to go skydiving (!!!) with me in June. She agreed right away without even asking who else was going. Finally I told her where I was headed afterwards, and she was headed in the general direction so she suggested we walk together. I flirted a little bit, but definitely not too much. We got to where we parted ways, and she hugged me...and I planted a kiss right on her cheek. She smiled and kept turning around to say something to me as we were walking away...I texted her on Tuesday saying it was great to see her (and cracked a joke), she texted back the same thing saying thanks, continuing the joke. That was the last we've said anything to each other. There was something that really stuck out to me during coffee. She mentioned she had only gone out twice since January. That was less than ME, which I gave her a hard time about. She seemed more focused and confident than she used to be. She mentioned she was switching majors, but didn't know what yet. Very swamped with school. I am very shocked and impressed to know this, as it seemed like one of the things that was bothering her when we broke up. Neither of us have been seeing anyone since our split, although I've gone on a few dates since then. I just don't know what to think. Yes, obviously I still have feelings for her. Perhaps she likes me still, but I feel as if the ball is still in her court. I've done some self-evaluation, and I've realized I would not have a problem seeing a new girl if she came along. In fact, that's still exciting to me, it just hasn't happened. I'm simply not going to wait around for my ex. I kind of wish SOMETHING would happen (her to start dating someone else, or me to do that...idk). Right now I don't think I'm going to initiate anything at all with her in regards to meeting up. Did I make a mistake meeting up with her? Sorry for the length of this post, I just needed to get it out. Any advice, comments, and insults are welcome and requested. I'm especially interested in any female's insight to the whole thing. Thanks!
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Yes, obviously I still have feelings for her. Well Duh !! You just posted an 8 paragraph story that you would never had done if you were over her Basically it had to do with her being immature, scared, and obviously not ready for something serious (she was 19, I 22 at the time). Is she till 19 and you still 22? or she 20 and you 23 ?... then nothing has changed if the reason you broke up was maturity.. that doesn't happen in a few months. Personally if it were me in your shoes I would not play games with her like some will tell you to do.. Some will say act aloof.. make her come to you.. but honestly that has already happened. I would just point blank talk about going out for a date with her.. if she blows you off then you have your answer and you can move on.. if she doesn't then you will both talk about dating each other again and then go for it... Remember not to beat around the bush.. be straight forward.. This is of course only my opinion...
Author IcemanJB Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Well Duh !! You just posted an 8 paragraph story that you would never had done if you were over her Well I'm Captain Obvious, so I had to say it. Is she till 19 and you still 22? or she 20 and you 23 ?... then nothing has changed if the reason you broke up was maturity.. that doesn't happen in a few months. She's 20 and I'm 23. I was thinking this too...how much could she really change in 6 months? Personally if it were me in your shoes I would not play games with her like some will tell you to do.. Some will say act aloof.. make her come to you.. but honestly that has already happened. I would just point blank talk about going out for a date with her.. if she blows you off then you have your answer and you can move on.. if she doesn't then you will both talk about dating each other again and then go for it... Remember not to beat around the bush.. be straight forward.. This is of course only my opinion... I have not even thought about doing this. That's a good point...I'm not one to beat around the bush, so I'll definitely think about this one. The thing is, I don't have to "act" around her. I refuse to be someone I'm not, with anyone (friend, GF, family, etc.). I never asked her what her schedule was like, but it sounded like she's quite busy, even on the weekends. I'll think about asking her...thanks!
huck Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Agree with Art Critic.. Its been six months since you split yeh ?? Going by your 4th paragraph you met up and had a good time. Id arrange to meet up with her and lay your cards on the table.. If you want to be with her and work things out - tell her.. If shes not interested or your getting bad vibes - then walk way.. Your probably past all the NC stuff and six months is a long time. Good luck mate.. Huck...
Author IcemanJB Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 Thanks for the response, huck. Yeah, definitely past all the NC stuff - did it for 3 months, and it helped a ton. I'm no longer "paralyzed" by worrying or thoughts about her. I've been very honest with myself recently, and the facts are that I'm healed and over the breakup, I fully believe the reasons she told me (of which only time has revealed to be true), and there is still something there and probably always will be. Maybe I just need to be straight up with her, like I'm being with myself. I know I would eventually be fine no matter how she responds - also in the mean time I would not pass up a different girl that I connect with. Any nay-sayers for a possible meet-up?
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