HGP Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 About 3 months ago I met a girl through a mutual friend who we're both pretty close with, but we'd just never met before. There was an instant attraction and lots of flirting. We hung out a few times in a group, we got to know each other fairly well, and it was obvious she had a thing for me. But long story short, I didn't get the chance to pursue it until just recently, and she was excited to date me (her words not mine!). It seemed like a great date to me, but after that she was always to busy to see me and later told me she just got out of a relationship, wasn't ready to date anyone, etc. Now in the last couple months she did briefly get back together with an ex from long ago, but still we all know what "I just got out of a relationship" means...not interested. This isn't the first time that a girl who had a crush on me for months changes her mind after a date or two. So I'm looking for input on the other side - have any of you ever wanted to date someone for a long time then lose interest as soon as it starts to happen? What made you change your mind? Did the attraction go away? I've gotta say I'm stumped!
Lucky555 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 i empathize for you. She used you, she probably just wanted someone to hang out with. All i can say is keep meeting other people and being yourself.
loser101 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 shame but it happens. more often than not. I had crush on male friends, got to know them and it disappeared. sometimes it's just timing and if we had started dating straight away (rather than months downt he line) maybe we would have had a long lasting relationship. initial crushes can die though if they are not nurtured.
samspade Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 It may be a problem on your part in execution. That is, something is occurring during the dates to quell their interest. Examine the activities you plan, conversations you have, length of dates, etc. Are you keeping the flirtations high throughout?
Author HGP Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 I think that's it, samspade. I was a lot less assertive than I usually am on dates, and there was flirting but not as much as the few times we hung out before. I got nervous because of the buildup. So I'm kicking myself because I'm usually not like that! shame but it happens. more often than not. I had crush on male friends, got to know them and it disappeared. sometimes it's just timing and if we had started dating straight away (rather than months downt he line) maybe we would have had a long lasting relationship. initial crushes can die though if they are not nurtured. This is what I don't get. You say it could have worked if you'd started dating right away, but the timing shouldn't make a difference. He's the same guy and all the reasons you liked him are still there, so why not date him?
loser101 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 one reason is that I sometimes meet someone else in the meantime. the other is that an interest is just an interest, it has to be nurtured. it's the case even with relationships, you can be with someone but if you don't look after your bond, it will weaken because you grow apart. a crush is not even as strong as a relationship so it is even more fragile
loser101 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 actually, thinking about this more: if I like someone but I don't see that we are going to start dating then I make myself move on as well. what's the point harbouring a crush when it's not reciprocated? it's best to move on. it's hard to turn that back a few months later I think
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