Groovy Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I had a 3 yr friendship, 2 year dating relationship that ended in Dec. At first he was against marriage so I left him. I bumped into his son a lot in my neighborhood who told me I should call him. Finally I dropped by his house unexpectedly. He claimed to have changed, that he got scared and deep down inside he wanted to marry me. He still had photos of us 4 months since I saw him last. He had been married for 13 years and his ex sent him into bankruptcy, foreclosure and divorce because she developed an expensive drug problem. Based on circumstance I forgave him and understood. We dated a second time around and he moved in. We talked about getting a house together, getting married, etc. One night he was out and my 75 pd dog and his 105 pd dog got into a fight. Two male neighbors and the police came to get the dogs apart and one dog almost got killed. It was like Michael Vicks back yard. I felt we should give up both dogs to be fair, not one person make a sacrifice and the other one doesn’t. And only to loving homes. He stayed for 2 more weeks after that until finally I said it was unfair to see his face everyday when I came home knowing I will never have that life I wanted with him and demanded he leave. I honestly believe he thought of the sacrifice but went back and forth, especially when his first marriage was so awful. When he would get mail at my house he looked horrible and dropped all this weight like he was depressed. We split 5 months ago. In February I woke up with someone in my house and it was him. I pretended to be asleep because I didn’t know what else to do. I changed my locks, got home security, informed people, etc. I guess he wanted to see if I was in bed with anyone. Then he contacted me on Facebook pretending to be a co-worker and wanted to know who I was dating. When I told my ex to stop being a sociopath they continued to deny who they were and became insensitive. At that point I filed a police report confirming what I wanted to believe wasn’t happening. I was scared, then realized he wouldn’t put his hands on me, that he can’t handle his feelings, he obviously still cares, had judgment clouded by jealousy, etc. I feel angry, sad, resentful, etc. I shouldn’t care for him but I do. I have never met someone that felt like a soul mate until him. That it would be a lot to forgive but I would because before all of this times were wonderful. I left a voicemail that I would love an explanation for his behavior but he has no nuts so I don’t expect anything or to hear from him ever again. That clearly he doesn’t care about me. When I share his behavior some people seem to think “you guys did talk of marriage and it sounds like he wants to be with you and doesn’t know how” to “I guess what one person thinks is normal another one thinks is not” to “you need to talk” or stating he’s abusive, dangerous, etc. I did call him back when I calmed down a week later and said I don’t understand why he did this to me. That I’m going to try and remember the good times we shared, I care about him and wish him the best of luck. Of course in this post is the ugly side, not the one I loved. I know he doesn’t call because he’s ashamed. That seeing me hurts him. That how can he show his face to my family now that he lost all his marbles. Amazingly they still like him because of how good he was before all this mess. I keep having recurring dreams over and over from feeling loved to feeling helpless and want him out of my head. I feel hurt and sad. I feel alone. I keep waiting for time to wash away the pain that lingers. What can I do to move on? Should I just never speak to him again? Should I call from a friends phone and just ask him why he would do this? What would you do?
alphamale Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 What can I do to move on? stay as busy as possible and try to meet new people Should I just never speak to him again? yes Should I call from a friends phone and just ask him why he would do this? no What would you do? if it was a woman showing this bizarre behaviour towards me then i'd get a restraining order
Author Groovy Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 I did file a police report. Unless a pattern is established with evidence a restraining order doesn't happen. State law varies but often 1 count of unwanted behavior (trespassing, battery, etc) doesn't warrant a restraining order until a second incident occurs. And these two incidences need documentation like forced home entry, etc. Which leaves me thinking about these women who have been through so much worse. Women who are raped and only have their word. Or women who've been struck and can't get a restraining order until it's again too late and the second time around might not be alive. I don't know why someone I cared about would act this way toward me and your right I should not speak to them even though I want resolution and feel hurt and confused. For once, months later I finally feel resolution. I still don't understand but I know that the behaviors were controlling, unfair and unwanted. I look back and see a lot of this and it's made me look at myself. Looking back on things I minimized behaviors not mentioned here that I should not have. Live and learn. I'll use that knowledge. All I need to know is the fact he's gone is the best thing for me, even if there were a lot of good times. It doesn't matter if he had a second thought on us parting, blames me, got jealous, etc. I don't want to be a part of his world and I'm not a part of his world. Plenty of men who kill their wives or girlfriends did nice thigs for them like my ex did for me. He took care of me when I got sick, helped me on my house and car, acted protective, spoiled me with gifts, blah, blah blah. Once fear sets into a relationship it eradicates everything. The fact he knows how afraid I am and hasn't done anything shows what he can offer me. I'm not pregnant with his kid, I'm not married and trapped. I'm in my own house, free and safe from having my spirits broken by someone who doesn't deserve me. A lot of this actually came from a letter I wrote but never planned to send to him.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 A lot of this actually came from a letter I wrote but never planned to send to him. um, yea...you probably don't want to mail that
Author Groovy Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Sigh, you crack me up:rolleyes: I've wanted to do many thing like invite him for a threesome on my date so he can watch me with another guy, knock on his bedroom window late at 3 AM with the Burger King stalker costume on with a happy meal in my hand. Bad ideas? Hmmm.....
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