Miguelrg Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Just had to write this again as my connection crashed. I'm miguel 22, my ex is jen 25, been broken up around 6 weeks now. We where togethe for 1 year, lived together for most of it, shes australian i'm english, i lived over there then she came over here for 2 months. Things where fantastic when she left the u.k in january and when i went over to live in febuary she just wanted to argue with me, she started working 3 jobs and obsessing over some crazy diet and said things had changed, 2 weeks before i got there she told her family she wanted to marry me and we had just got our own place. Anyway since she's been very cold towards me and even hurtful and i found out on saturday shes been with a 19 year old and then he went round sunday to hang out, i mean it hurts but its sad. Then monday i got my first email off her in couple weeks, maybe a guilty email, not sure? also got 2 calls sunday 4am from someone who just wanted to listen to me speak, as they were super quiet and just listening. Needless to say my head is screwed, i love her but i realise people change and the only way i can move on and she can realise i don't need her is if i initiate NC which i did 3 days ago, its super hard as its her birthday and she's going the pub this guy works at It's not even like i can ask her for a coffee in 6 months and try again i guess its just up to her to get in contact with me though. She said in her email to me, its strange talking to you because i'm not quite sure what to say, what does that mean? I know lots of people are in the same situation but if she knew things had changed, why let me fly out there just to make sure? so selfish and immature? Anyway any tips for NC and what to do if she doest contact me? Thanks In Advance
Darkness7 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Just had to write this again as my connection crashed. I'm miguel 22, my ex is jen 25, been broken up around 6 weeks now. We where togethe for 1 year, lived together for most of it, shes australian i'm english, i lived over there then she came over here for 2 months. Things where fantastic when she left the u.k in january and when i went over to live in febuary she just wanted to argue with me, she started working 3 jobs and obsessing over some crazy diet and said things had changed, 2 weeks before i got there she told her family she wanted to marry me and we had just got our own place. Anyway since she's been very cold towards me and even hurtful and i found out on saturday shes been with a 19 year old and then he went round sunday to hang out, i mean it hurts but its sad. Then monday i got my first email off her in couple weeks, maybe a guilty email, not sure? also got 2 calls sunday 4am from someone who just wanted to listen to me speak, as they were super quiet and just listening. Needless to say my head is screwed, i love her but i realise people change and the only way i can move on and she can realise i don't need her is if i initiate NC which i did 3 days ago, its super hard as its her birthday and she's going the pub this guy works at It's not even like i can ask her for a coffee in 6 months and try again i guess its just up to her to get in contact with me though. She said in her email to me, its strange talking to you because i'm not quite sure what to say, what does that mean? I know lots of people are in the same situation but if she knew things had changed, why let me fly out there just to make sure? so selfish and immature? Anyway any tips for NC and what to do if she doest contact me? Thanks In Advance I don't know enough about your situation to try and comment as to why she made you fly all the way out there. I do feel she is quite confused at the moment and doesn't know what she wants. I think maybe you need to leave her alone for her to be able to sort out her head and what she really wants. The fact that she said it was strange talking to you cos she didn't know what to say makes me think that she feels awkward around you at the moment because she doesn't know what she wants herself. I would wait for her to get in contact with you because I feel it would just confused her more and push her away if you keep contacted her. Best of luck, mate.
Author Miguelrg Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Yeah very true, its killing me today because she's out for her birthday, i don't think she does know what she wants, she was depressed and has problems with her fertility, and on top of that pressure we had to get a visa to live together was stressful. She's suddenly started to pursue her dream and is stopping working as a teacher to go back to uni and learn hospitality. The fact she is at the pub right as i speak for her birthday where she met this guy last week hurts but i've been keeping super busy and as hard as NC is, its a weight lifted really, finally just out of the hole and i'm gonna not contact her unless she contacts me, time and space will sort the whole situation out either way, the big issue is how far apart we are anyway. I know it does happen and people just start to stop being attracted to a person but its just strange the love you get off someone, saying your the one, even naming our kids before we've had them haha and then they turn round and reject you. Anyone else been in a similar situation? It's nice to not feel alone since i've found this forum, really appreciate any replies p.s if theres anythin you want to know about the whole thing ask me... Cheers
Darkness7 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Yeah very true, its killing me today because she's out for her birthday, i don't think she does know what she wants, she was depressed and has problems with her fertility, and on top of that pressure we had to get a visa to live together was stressful. She's suddenly started to pursue her dream and is stopping working as a teacher to go back to uni and learn hospitality. The fact she is at the pub right as i speak for her birthday where she met this guy last week hurts but i've been keeping super busy and as hard as NC is, its a weight lifted really, finally just out of the hole and i'm gonna not contact her unless she contacts me, time and space will sort the whole situation out either way, the big issue is how far apart we are anyway. I know it does happen and people just start to stop being attracted to a person but its just strange the love you get off someone, saying your the one, even naming our kids before we've had them haha and then they turn round and reject you. Anyone else been in a similar situation? It's nice to not feel alone since i've found this forum, really appreciate any replies p.s if theres anythin you want to know about the whole thing ask me... Cheers Try not to think about what she is doing today - as far as you're concerned at the moment, she's left. It sounds like she had a lot going on and probably can't cope with the stress at the moment and can't be in a relationship in addition to everything else. I don't believe that someone can just turn around like that and decide they don't love you anymore from one day to the next. If it does seem that way, then I think they haven't been entirely honest with you and themselves...something must have bothered them before and they never said anything and then it just kept building up until they 'exploded.' My ex fiancee is currently acting like she never loved me and as much as it hurts and I sometimes panic she might really mean it, I know that that's not just going to happen like that.
Author Miguelrg Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Well mate, that's the difference between some people, i mean i could never hide things away from someone i cared for, if i have issues i usually open up. Like you say i'll probably push her away further if i contact her, as most girls would, if she never loved me and your ex never loved you it's quite sad that they can be such liars and very immature really. Relationships are built on honesty really. All i can do is back the hell off because NC is a win win really, a week ago i would of said no way, but now everything else has failed it all makes sense, to treat her like she's gone forever. It's their loss mate, if they can't handle love they need to sort themselves out and mature a bit
Author Miguelrg Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 So here's an update, maintained 6 days no contact now, not long i know. I actually sent her a book for her birthday around the 5th, totally forgot about it really then i woke up to a text message today. it said ' Just got your present, thank you very much that was so thoughtful of you, hope your ok x' She also told me she's going on a holiday to relax. I haven't replied but it feels good she's not awkward with me now and she opened up a bit, and i feel a bit more in control now and i can move on, its my birthday in a week, dreading a birthday message i don't want to feel set back.
Darkness7 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 So here's an update, maintained 6 days no contact now, not long i know. I actually sent her a book for her birthday around the 5th, totally forgot about it really then i woke up to a text message today. it said ' Just got your present, thank you very much that was so thoughtful of you, hope your ok x' She also told me she's going on a holiday to relax. I haven't replied but it feels good she's not awkward with me now and she opened up a bit, and i feel a bit more in control now and i can move on, its my birthday in a week, dreading a birthday message i don't want to feel set back. It's good that she replied how she did to your present, she could have just not said anything about it. Her being on holiday also sounds positive, it sounded like she needed some 'time off.' I think you should try and maintain NC though. Best of luck, mate.
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