post break-up letter

[fatslice]

Hi everyone this is my first post on this forum

 

Me and my girlfriend broke it of little over 2 months ago. I had more or less broken her heart dealing with my own problems. My negativity drowe her down well. I wanted to get back together with her 5 months ago but she was bitter and angry at me. She had the upper move. She eventully came down to see it i had changed. In her views I hadnt. She broke it of some days later. We've been together for 4 years.

 

I wrote her a long letter and got a responce after 3 weeks. She wrote she had nothing new to say at the current time. She lost herself in the last period of the relationship. She needs to find herself and to get new impulses. She was naiv thinking she could change me to be møre positive. She is worn out and dont have ang more strenght to use in this relationship. She has been depressed and down and spent many tears and effort to get where she is today. She will not take a step back in that direction again. She is dating and its both nice and wierd. She is angry because she constantly feels that she is not allowed to date. She says she misses me every day, that she cries when there is a sad song or memories of me on the tv she cries. Part of her is so lonely. No one will have a bigger place in her heart than me. She will never meet a person like me, that she is sure of. But she think its best that we go our own way. she is crying now because this hurts. she refers to her mother that nothing is sertain in the future. It we are ment to be together I guess we'll end up together one way or another. She says take care and finishes the letter with: "remember! Who knows what the future brings. I will never close the door for good when it comes to you. Love you more than you ever understood. Please dont let this letter bring you down"

 

I wrote her back accepting her decission, saïd that she wasnt naiv thinking that she could change me. That she has to do the things she feels she needs to do. That i have done steps in improving my life. that she finds herself and i find myself and we find each other in the end.

 

I didnt get a replay but she sent me flowers on my birthday!! Orcheds, which is her favourite flower. I wrote her an sms thanking her for the gift and that in looking forward showing her how well I will maintain the flower. i got a hugs and kisses sms back where she included the whole family that was with her. My heart was hurting so much but i felt happy also.

 

6 days have past and we had no contact. I really want her back but I accept the break up. I really hope that there is a chance for us in the future, but I accept that i have to move on. But I do have some problems with the last words in the letter. Im trying to get rid of the hope or the fact that she is telling me something. She regarded me as the love of her life and had to put up with lots. She dont trust me since she has been let down So many times. On our behalf it has been all about timing. I was at a point things where rough personally, but im pretty much there now. To bad that she is not.

 

Didnt think I was going to ask this but is there hope for us in the future you think?

 

Cheers

[Darkness7]

Yes, I think there is hope for you two. (I'm going through something similar at the moment.) I think that your relationship 'broke down' because there were many personal issues by the sounds of it. Sometimes they can get in the way and get too much to cope with; it sounds like she felt like she was being brought down by it all and that she couldn't cope anymore. I think she needs some time away from the relationship and the whole situation to find out who she really is and what she wants from life and from the relationship. This is not necessarily a bad thing, a break can make a relationship stronger in the end. And it's also better it's happened now, rather than later, when you just grow apart so there's no chance of you ever getting back together again...I feel there is still a strong possibility that you two will get back together in the future. Of course no one can say how long this will take...it can take weeks, months maybe even a year or more. (One of my friends broke up with her bf and they got back together after 3 years and have been happily married since.) Sometimes a relationship won't and can't work at that specific point in time because of outside factors or too many other issues going on.

 

If you really want to get back with her and make things work again, you need to be careful not to mess up. Go NC with her, don't text her, don't call her, don't email, don't check her Facebook etc. Give her a chance to live her life as 'herself' at the moment, rather than 'you and her' and that way she can see if she truly misses you and wants to come back. She will appreciate that you are respecting her decision and not pressurising her, but giving her time alone that she needs now. As hard as it is, try and be patient, don't break NC and have faith in your love and that it will work out again. If it's meant to be, it will work out and you will be back together again. Good luck, mate.

[fatslice]

Thanks for your reply:) its really nice to feel there is hope for us in the future. But its hard to keep the hope up also, dont want to prolong the hurt. The fact that she is dating is just killing me. Im afraid that the letter is written in a way to make me feel better or that she has problems letting go. Her friend told me that she had a bit of feelings for the guy she is dating but I guess the letter which she wrote afterwards truly expresses her true feelings.

 

Of you are experiencing the same thing, are you not sure you do that because you live with the same hope. By believing otherwise you kinda give up on your behalf. That is if you are not in the position that my exgirl is?

 

One thing is sertain though, of she feels the way she feels in the letter then it wouldnt be fair on the boy she is dating.

 

I analyse slot and do think that the flower she gave was more of a reliefe that i took the fact that she was dating pretty easy. I knew she had problems telling me, but that it was better that she told me rather than one of her friends?

 

Any thoughts?

[Darkness7]

Thanks for your reply:) its really nice to feel there is hope for us in the future. But its hard to keep the hope up also, dont want to prolong the hurt. The fact that she is dating is just killing me. Im afraid that the letter is written in a way to make me feel better or that she has problems letting go. Her friend told me that she had a bit of feelings for the guy she is dating but I guess the letter which she wrote afterwards truly expresses her true feelings.

 

Of you are experiencing the same thing, are you not sure you do that because you live with the same hope. By believing otherwise you kinda give up on your behalf. That is if you are not in the position that my exgirl is?

 

One thing is sertain though, of she feels the way she feels in the letter then it wouldnt be fair on the boy she is dating.

 

I analyse slot and do think that the flower she gave was more of a reliefe that i took the fact that she was dating pretty easy. I knew she had problems telling me, but that it was better that she told me rather than one of her friends?

 

Any thoughts?

 

I think maybe you should try and feel 'neutral' towards the whole situation. Don't give up hope but don't expect anything either, that way you can only be surprised in a positive way. I think your ex is very confused about what she really wants and you should take everything that's being said either by her or by her friends with a pinch of salt. Try and ignore the fact that she is dating and try and get on with your life how it is given to you at the moment. Best of luck.

[CapitalChick]

Dont plan. Planning is the worst.

There is certainly hope but the danger is that it will hold you back.

LIVE YOUR LIFE and go on without her in it.

 

Im going through something very difficult, and 7 months on Im doing so much better. It is a similar story to yours. Me and my ex had the most amazing emotionally intense relationship in the period of 10 months. We even got engaged!!! I mean we were into each other as though we were high school kids. But soon after it all fell apart.. its almost as though it was waiting to happen. We had external pressures on us, as well as work commitments that made this emotionally intense r'ship difficult to maintain.

Long story cut short, we broke up because he was emotionally stunted and I wanted soooo much more from him than he was able to give. Now 7 months on, after me having no contact with him, hes in contact. The odd email and text etc.

Hes dating others but in his own words hes unsure whether he made the worst mistake of his life by letting me go. He has dated many girls prior to and after our r'ship, and none compare.

Long story cut short, he doesnt want me back right now (or at least i dont think so!), nor do i think that it would work so early on. He needs more time to continue reflecting on exactly what will make him happy and whether his choice of leaving me is something he can live with.

But I would be stupid to believe that we had no chance in the future.

 

Dont hurt each other more than you have to in the meantime. Sometimes its better to let go of the people we love if that is what makes them happy or content.

 

Let her contact you moving forward.

You will be fine. Take each day as it come :-)

[fastnfurious]

If you love something/someone enough, set it free; if it comes back, it was meant to be

[fatslice]

Thanks for your reply. To sum it up ...going NC and hoping for the best. Or expecting the worst - and go on with my own life. Hopefully she's not able to supress her feelings for me entirely. The problem is of course that she will under no circumstance take a step back to where she was before. She knows about the situation I was in and I guess she feels that there is hope when I get my life on track.

 

I have one question for the girls ...I've had the privilege of being her ultimate love. She would do anything for me. She would try everything in her power to make me think positive - to no prevail. I was the sexies, the best in any way (not to sound cocky). And the one true thing we really had for each other was the physical attraction. Is it possible to loose those feelings of desire? I havent don anything intentionally to hurt her. At one point I was so fed up with her and my whole situation that actually put us in this situation. She just couldnt cope anymore. She got bitter and angry. Is this her way of trying as hard as she could to move on ...forget about me even though it hurt. Or could those feelings be gone? I felt that way at one point ...but the feelings came back - maybe to late?

 

You talk about NC. After she sent me the flower and the textmessage we had on my birthday ...I did infact send her a txt today with a picture of the Orchid. I wrote "See:) The Orchid is still blossoming! I have many reasons to keep this flower alive:) Hugs M" Maybe a bit cryptic, but I guess one can't misinterpret the meaning. It took a few hours before she responded. She replied ":) I see you have developed green fingers haha. Good that you take care of the flower M*****. Hope that you and the flower are doing fine:)" I guess its hard to speculate on this. Its really hard to figure out what to do from here. I could put some preasure on her ...get a straigh answer and making it clear that Im moving on. Since afterall I do get a bit of a feeling that she knows exactly where she has me at the moment. Or I could just let it be for know. She needs to know that Im feeling fine though and dont feel as down as I did - so she doesnt go back to the same depressed me. Because that would be a step back. Sorry about the rambling here:) Would love some feedback:)

[PookFollower]

Sorry to hear this man. Now the only thing to do is move forward. Forget about her.

[fatslice]

Sorry to hear this man. Now the only thing to do is move forward. Forget about her.

 

I have to move forward. But since Im here I guess im not there yet. I guess you are saying there is no hope for us in the future? I know ...no one knows what the future brings - but I strongly feel that there is good chance that that we might end up together in the end. But I might not see this thing from an objective standpoint at the moment.

[andy2009]

Yes 100% chance !!

 

You know the fact the all compatibility issues. So one of you have to understand faults and accept. Because 100% matching is not possible

 

Otherwise life will go on and anyone of you will never find soulmate.

[fatslice]

Update: Its been a while now since we broke it off. I have given her the time and space I felt she needed before I contacted her again. I did send her some txtmessages which she didnt respond to other than one where I congratulated her on becoming an aunt. I guess it was easier for her to answer. Well ...all my unanswered questions was driving me crazy ...so I did what I didnt think I would dare ...I booked a plane to where she currently lives. Tried to call her telling her I was in the city. She didnt answer. I left a msg on her answeringmachine. I was determined to talk to her. Get somethings of my chest. I then txt her telling her I was in the city and that I wanted to talk to her - to see her. She replied that she was busy and didnt had the time to respond to my call - and that she would see if she was able to see me before my plane left back later that day. I tried to call her. She didnt answer.O wrote her "Pick up the phone. Im not gonna bite:) ...im in the city:) Of course you have the time to see me. If you cant make it ill come to you:)" She replied that I will come see you.

 

We met and it was so strange. I knew that everything positive was bonus. I could see on her face that she was sooo glad to see me. And I was equaly exited. I held her hard and she let me. I kissed her neck. The first thing she said was "you are still the most handsome guy I know!?! She started excusing her appearance. She felt old. I told her that she is the prettiest girl I know and will always know. I then told her that I still have the same feelings for her but was very confident when I talked to her. I said that it all might be to late but I just had to tell her that I was to blame. That things have happened in my life that has changed me for the better. Its true. She started crying although she thought she could controll her self. She was still not sure of things. She didnt reply when I told her I love her. I told her that we can take a weekend trip to talk things through. She paused for a long time and then replied that she doesnt think thats a good idea. I told her what I had on my mind and she could see that I was a changed person. She also said that I just want her because now I cant have her. I said ...do you really think I would spend 5 months trying to get you back just because I cant have you? I guess I got through to her. She also initially thought why I was there. I first replied some nonsence. She then saw that I had to luggage and asked once again what I was doing there? I whispered in her air that I was there to see her. I could tell that she really appreciated that.

 

I said I had to go because I had to reach my plane. She insisted on driving me but I said that I dont think thats a good idea. We said good buy to one another when she said "are you sure im not gonna drive you?" She left. I started walking and then turned back and watched her go. She then turned and started looking for me. I then picked up the phone, called her and said I was "lost", that she could drive me to the airport. I then walked towards her and held my arms around her while we walked to the car. She let me, we felt like a couple. And she was comfortable with it. In the car she talked about her work situation. That she is struggling because of her arm, that she lives with her mother and was very miserable. We stopped at the airport and talked. She said previously that she have her guard up, that she has put a lid on her feelings towards me. I said try and open up a little and feel. It might not be so bad after all:) She had tears in her eyes. I said that I have to move on at one point. She also said that "I guess you will not stick around forever" I said that "no - I will not" I said good buy and took the plane back home. Its been two days.

 

Terribly sorry for the long mail and ramblings. What do you guys make of this? She saw me being confident. Wouldnt it been a perfect time for her to say that she had moved on. And to confirm that she is dating. Or that there will never be us two? That there is someone else for that matter? I broke the NC and I feel great about it:) She didnt feel the pressure at all. She wasnt uncomfortable. We had eyecontact all the time. She is soo afraid of being hurt again and I can understand her