john 07 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 GF an I have been long distance now for a few months. I feel that she just inst the same anymore. We still talk everyday but its only for a 15 minutes or so. Shes always tired so we talk for a little before she goes to bed. I went to go visit her a few weeks ago but it felt different. She wasnt all over me as I expected. She used to be all over me in the beginning which is about a year ago, and since we havent seen each other in a while i expected the same. She also didnt seem like she wanted the sex(she is on BC pills which may kill her drive). She just seems stressed from work and she told me she doesnt like her job. also when we talk on the phone she doesnt respond until i ask 2 or 3 times which is getting real annoying. she just says that its b/c shes tired. its just not like her b.c she was always responsive to me. one thing she use to never do is nag. She complains and nags alot lately which is becomming very annoying. Is this just a sign i need to move on?? Is this a sign maybe there is another guy??
KikiW Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Could be a few things. It's certainly possible she has checked out of the relationship, but it sounds like she's very unhappy with her job and it makes her stressed and tired. The only thing you can do (and I am sure many others will say the same) is communicate. You need to have an honest talk with her. Tell her you see that things are different and you want to know what it is because you get the sense she's not interested in continuing the relationship. She should be able to give you some idea of what's going on. That's the only way you will get any answers to your questions.
TMichaels Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 GF an I have been long distance now for a few months. I feel that she just inst the same anymore. We still talk everyday but its only for a 15 minutes or so. Shes always tired so we talk for a little before she goes to bed. Who initiates the calls? What do you talk about? What is it *you aren't* talking about that is annoying you? I went to go visit her a few weeks ago but it felt different. She wasnt all over me as I expected. She used to be all over me in the beginning which is about a year ago, and since we havent seen each other in a while i expected the same. She also didnt seem like she wanted the sex(she is on BC pills which may kill her drive). She just seems stressed from work and she told me she doesnt like her job. Yes, birth control pills can have that effect. But, so can a lot of other things, too. Did you talk about this at all with her when you visited or after you returned home? Or, did you just suffer in silence and begin to resent the fact your latest visit didn't live up to "expectations?" also when we talk on the phone she doesnt respond until i ask 2 or 3 times which is getting real annoying. she just says that its b/c shes tired. its just not like her b.c she was always responsive to me. Is she ignoring your questions? Changing the subject? Or, is she just so "out of it" after a long day that she is having a hard time staying awake in order to talk to you? one thing she use to never do is nag. She complains and nags alot lately which is becomming very annoying. Is this just a sign i need to move on?? Is this a sign maybe there is another guy?? What is she complaining and nagging about? What do you say when she does? Yes, it could be that she's pulling away from you, but on the other hand, *you* may be pushing her away with your attitude. It sounds to me like she's under a lot of stress. She's moved 800 miles away for a job that has turned out to be different than she'd hoped and it's not going well. She's not happy, she's mentally and emotionally exhausted trying to deal with it, and it appears that instead of you trying to be supportive and understanding, you're annoyed *your* needs are not being met. That sounds a little selfish and self-centered to me, does it to you? Just out of curiosity, when was the last time you did something to make *her* feel special? (And, no... visiting her or having sex doesn't count.) When you love someone, you don't like to see them unhappy or suffering. Not because "it's annoying" to you, but because you truly care about them and their welfare. She's going through a bad patch in her life right now. You can either become just one more "bad thing" that happened during this period, or you can be "the rock" that she never will forget was there for her when she needed you most. The choice is up to you... Best, TMichaels
Trialbyfire Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 LDRs are almost impossible, to begin with. Unless both parties are willing to invest everything into one, they can be draining, rather than energizing. It's difficult to say why she's pulling away but from what you've written, she is definitely pulling away. What was your relationship dynamic in the past? Was she the major support person in the past, whereby she tended to listen to all your problems? Did she ever lean on you heavily in the past?
KikiW Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 LOL TMichaels, I was trying to fish for more info before going in for the kill, but you pretty much nailed it.
Author john 07 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 EDIT: I talked to her for an hour tonight before she went to bed. To sum things up she told me last summer was awsome. She then told me that ever since its been long distance that her feeling are not the same as it was and that she doesnt know why. She says that maybe she just sucks at long distance. I could totaly sense that her feeling for me has gone somewhat stale, but then she said that she does not like me any less which is hard to understand. It sounds like she is contradicting herself. So we are suppose to go to a wedding together in may(which is when i see her next) but after that she asks where is the relationship going after that. She says she doesnt know where our relationship will go after our plans. I plan in june to go out to live with her for a month but that is still a "might happen" b/c i dont know what will happen after i graduate. If i get a job and they ask to start working right away i cant go see her. I guess as a final thought i can say that this relationship has taken a negative hit. what do you guys think?? all tips would be appreciated.
Recommended Posts