Sol Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Hello, I'm new here. I have a concern I want to ask about, and didn't know if I might be able to get some advice. When I try talking to girls I am attracted to, they often show little interest in even getting to know me as a friend. This is especially true online. I'm always the one to start the conversation, and I tend to ask a fair amount of questions because I do love learning about people (and don't most people love talking about themselves?). But despite what I say, it seems like I am always either ignored, or the girl I am talking with responds only very briefly, but not enough to really demonstrate any interest in promoting the conversation. Now I guess people might find me to be a rather uninteresting person lol, I don't know, but seriously, why would so many women be willing to respond to my greetings in the first place but show so little interest in promoting a conversation, even if it's just a friendly get-to-know each other chat? I can't imagine myself being so dull that people wouldn't even be interested in getting to know a little bit about me. So I figure I must be doing something wrong. Lately I've met a couple girls I've been trying to become friends with, and they seem pretty nice, but for example, when I start the converstaion (because they won't), sometimes I'll even ask one of them how they are doing, and they'll say "ok" or "fine," but not give much else to go on or even ask me how I'm doing in return. Then I may mention something or ask them something else, and it's just a similar response. It becomes difficult to talk with them because I feel like they're just bothered. I'm normally a pretty optimistic person, and I'm generally happy with myself. I'm not one to go around pouting about how things aren't working out for me ... I normally suck it up and move on. But after recently meeting one girl in particular that I've found myself to be very highly attracted to, I've starting to feel like I'm pretty hopeless. I am a college student, I have had one relatively serious relationship in my life, but other than that have not really had any actual dates because this is the same situation I always find myself in. And I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I meet a girl, but really struggle to even become friends with her because she rarely contributes much to the conversations. I'm a pretty old fashioned guy, so I don't expect for her to take the initiative ... but even when I do meet someone, and just ask about her and try to talk with her or joke with her or whatever, I usually get the impression that she's only responding because she feels like she needs to in order to be polite. Could I really be that uninteresting, or is it more likely I'm just doing something wrong? What are some ways that I might go about sparking an interest in someone so that they'll actually want to talk to me and not just respond out of politeness? And about this recent girl in particular, I am worried about messaging her too often and coming across as a little desperate. I try to speak to her sparingly, but with such quick and short replies, it's difficult not to message her again (we're currently communicating primarily through facebook) only a short time afterward. If she is not interesting in talking to me at all, I don't want to drive the poor girl crazy. But I don't know if she's that uninterested or just quiet. Thanks for any advice or comments.
BobSacamento Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 First of all with online you are going to have to accept that you will have to initiate the vast majority of conversations. You just have to get over it lol. Second are you sending lists of questions or are you divulging some personal information in your messages. I always assume that whatever I want to know about a woman the woman wants to know about me. Try asking about their families and talk about your family. Women love that stuff.
Author Sol Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Not a very good reader are you? I said I don't mind initiating conversations at all; that's not my issue.
westernxer Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Try the ones you aren't attracted to. See if that makes any difference.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I think the idea here isn't that the convos are drying up, but that they really aren't getting off the ground in the first place?
westernxer Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I think the idea here isn't that the convos are drying up, but that they really aren't getting off the ground in the first place? Sadly so. Online correspondence is more about quantity than quality, but real life is like that too. LOL
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Sadly so. Online correspondence is more about quantity than quality, but real life is like that too. LOL True that, love. But you know...gotta fill in those "empty spaces" with something, right? Not all of it can be nutritious, just filling sometimes! Bleh. I'm telling you, I'm a quiet type when I'm all cozy and comfy and things - sometimes "that look" can tell you all you need ever know, with words only serving to get in the way. I dislike the seeming pressure it can put on people like me to keep things going, but that's just me. On the other hand, great convos with great people are wonderful things - few and far between for moi, but that is fine - makes me cherish them all the more... ##### ...but you have to get the ball rolling first! What I would recommend is keeping the questions sparse, otherwise the person may feel like a contestant on '20 Questions' or such. Of course, if you can think of a few open-ended questions, no fault in it at all. Helps to get the ball rolling. Open-ended being defined as questions that require a more comprehensive answer than a mere yes or no. Follow up on the answer. Another thing is to casually mention what you did that day/recently/will do. As a lame example I am making up on the fly, "Loads of work this week, but I don't mind I have ________ to look forward to this weekend." She can then (if she's not made of wood! ) follow up on that with what she's doing, questions about what you'll be doing, if she likes it/doesn't like it, ect. Thus, the delicate dance of getting to know one another begins.
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