neveragain2493 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 A month or so ago, a guy I used to be best friends with broke up with his girlfriend and came for me. We went out on a date, kissed.. and he basically told me I was his new girlfriend. It was not a 'casual thing'. He, in my opinion, was a good guy, despite the fact that he was insecure and wanted to have sex with me very badly. Days later, he stopped talking to me and was with her again. Weeks after that, he told me he was sorry. He said the ex was bipolar and suicidal, and he wasn't dating her. He didn't care about her, but didn't want her to die, either. Days later, he did the same thing. Now they are officially back together. The girlfriend begged me to tell her what happened between him and me, but I basically said it was not her business. Now she is saying I need to stop making her think something happened because I am lying; nothing ever happened. This is obviously what the guy told her. I see the two everyday, unfortunately. I asked for advice and was told, "She is crazy.. She knows something happened with you two and is trying to make you angry so you will tell her." The girl has actually been diagnosed as a bipolar borderline. She is a compulsive liar and has done impulsive things such as showing up at my house. I have put up with her for 2 years now, and I can't do it anymore. Any suggestions on how to approach the situation?
Ayla Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Hello Firstly can i say - I do feel for the guy. Bipolar is a very sad condition. but surely she has been put on medication? He is most likely torn between a rock and a hard place. This girl probably does not know what she is doing half the time. But she would know what has happened - women intuition is very strong. To be honest I would try (as hard as it may be) to distance yourself from both of them. It is not good for you, and cxould be potentially dangerous - in an extremem situation. Also - if she does do anything crazy - write down the time, date and details for record keeping. If you have not already - have a look up on Bipolar - it might help you a little too This is a really sad situation for all involved.
paddington bear Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Firstly it was his decision to get back with her - bi-polar or not, suicidal or not, diagnosed as having a mental disorder or not, she is basically blackmailing him into being with her. If she commits suicide or goes otherwise crazy because he's left her, he may not be able to live with the guilt, however, what is the alternative? To be with someone that you don't want to be because if they leave something terrible will happen? This guy, needs to somehow think 'well, if the worst happens, that was her decision' and walk away and remain guilt-free. Secondly, if this girl comes to your house again or asks you again what happened, either say 'We've already spoken about this, I've nothing further to say on the matter, this is between you and 'guy's name' ' or simply keep repeating what you've already told her. What she hopes to gain from finding out, I know not, if/when she finds out something did happen it's going to make her feel worse not better, and she's got what she wanted, him back again and has prevented you and he from getting together by using emotional blackmail on him. Mental disorder or not, I would have no sympathy for her at all. As to how you avoid her...I'm actually in a vaguely similar situation myself and am trying to figure out how to distance myself while seeing this person on a regular basis. And that's tough, other than totally moving to another area, changing jobs or whatever it is that is meaning you have contact. I guess, simply always be busy, hi, bye, I'm rushing off to x y z, talk to you later, but that talk to you later never happens, be happy, friendly but maintain a distance, that's all I can advise.
bean1 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Do you really want her to leave you alone? Tell them, through writing (email, text, whatever, or on a recorded line - assuming that it is legal in your state) that they need to stop having contact with you or else you will contact the police. If they continue, call the police. End of story. That will stop it. Don't try and be rational with irrational people - doesn't work.
Author neveragain2493 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 Okay, thanks. I am currently distancing myself from the both of them, and I feel better about doing so. I've deleted her on social sites, and she has already contacted me about it ("Why did you delete me?"). I didn't answer, and I don't plan on it. I have no sympathy for her at all. She is manipulative and knows what she's doing, and he lets her. I understand his being tied down to her. They are now together, and I don't know if he's happy or not. I don't care. Yes, she's on medication, but that doesn't stop her from acting... irrational. She said, "I think it's pathetic that you are continuously trying to make me think something happened that didn't. More like it hurts me that you do."
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