That_girl Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I was in a relationship with a great guy for about 4 years. He's gone now. I ended up in someone else's bed the very next day. I just wanted to feel desired again, because lately my bf has completely shut down. I didn't sleep with the other guy, but I kissed him, fooled around etc. I feel absolutely horrible. Technically we're not together anymore, but I still feel like I've betrayed the one person I love the most. I don't know why I did this. I'm not a bad person. I just have a lot of issues. Lately I've even been feeling suicidal. I don't know what to do. It just seems like getting help is just a waste of time. I feel so guilty for everything, even things that happened in our relationship that aren't necessarily my fault. (according to friends and family) Of course I wish I could change the way I am, and control these insecurities. I love my bf so much. He's the only person in my life that I feel safe with and loved by. But I just feel like I don't deserve to be happy, and that only drives me to rebel against doing the right thing even more. I literally want to die. I don't have the guts to actually do it, but I think about it all the time. And it scares me so much. I'm only 24 and I;m already so miserable. It scares me to think about how I'm going to deal with bigger problems in the future if I can't even handle my own mistakes.
now_what Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Hi That_girl: I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. Do you have someone in your family you can turn to for support? I strongly encourage you to seek some counseling. About three years ago, my daughter was suffering from depression and felt suicidal - she was only 13. She confided in me what was going on and I immediately took her to a counselor and her doctor who prescribed anti-depressants. This was a very difficult and scary time for us - probably the toughest time in both of our lives. My older daughter (25) has also had issues with depression, yet is currently happily married with two children after a bad relationship. Please seek some professional help to sort out your feelings. We all make mistakes, that doesn't make you a bad person, just human. And do confide how you are feeling to a family member - mom, dad, sister, or a good friend. You need someone to support you - this in itself is very important. When my younger daughter was suffering and I do mean suffering, I think it helped her immensely knowing that she could count on me (and her grandmother) to help fight her battles when she was not strong enough to do so. Today, she is happy and confident at age 16, I realize quite a bit younger than you, but she is a totally different person. Please get the help you need, you deserve to be happy.
BW007 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Yep, get some therapy. The suicidal ideation stuff is very harmful. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and there is an eternity to be dead and only a short window of opportunity to be alive anyway. And as I tell myself if they make you suicidal that is not really love, just pain. You are not a betrayer for trying to soothe your breakup wounds by fooling around with some new person. Its kind of a common mistake, it just didn't work out so well. I feel just as lost and left behind as you do right now and I am very, very sad to have lost the love of my girlfriend who is now with someone else. I was with her for 5 years and it ended horribly and it hurts like hell. I an casting about on website forums and just plain suffering through it and I can't stand that she has decided I am not worth the trouble. It hurts like hell, so I really understand how you feel. Keep strong for yourself. It is all you can really do and it is the most attractive way to be anyway, whether for him or the RIGHT PERSON.(could be the same one I guess)
Darkness7 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I was in a relationship with a great guy for about 4 years. He's gone now. I ended up in someone else's bed the very next day. I just wanted to feel desired again, because lately my bf has completely shut down. I didn't sleep with the other guy, but I kissed him, fooled around etc. I feel absolutely horrible. Technically we're not together anymore, but I still feel like I've betrayed the one person I love the most. I don't know why I did this. I'm not a bad person. I just have a lot of issues. Lately I've even been feeling suicidal. I don't know what to do. It just seems like getting help is just a waste of time. I feel so guilty for everything, even things that happened in our relationship that aren't necessarily my fault. (according to friends and family) Of course I wish I could change the way I am, and control these insecurities. I love my bf so much. He's the only person in my life that I feel safe with and loved by. But I just feel like I don't deserve to be happy, and that only drives me to rebel against doing the right thing even more. I literally want to die. I don't have the guts to actually do it, but I think about it all the time. And it scares me so much. I'm only 24 and I;m already so miserable. It scares me to think about how I'm going to deal with bigger problems in the future if I can't even handle my own mistakes. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time and feeling so horrible. I've been there, I lost my fiancee and just wanted to end it all. I'm still not over her, but things do get better and easier with time. I'm really worried though because you're feeling suicidal. Is it possible for your to see a therapist to talk about those feelings?
Sam Spade Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I was in a relationship with a great guy for about 4 years. He's gone now. I ended up in someone else's bed the very next day. I just wanted to feel desired again, because lately my bf has completely shut down. I didn't sleep with the other guy, but I kissed him, fooled around etc. I feel absolutely horrible. Technically we're not together anymore, but I still feel like I've betrayed the one person I love the most. I don't know why I did this. I'm not a bad person. I just have a lot of issues. Lately I've even been feeling suicidal. I don't know what to do. It just seems like getting help is just a waste of time. I feel so guilty for everything, even things that happened in our relationship that aren't necessarily my fault. (according to friends and family) Of course I wish I could change the way I am, and control these insecurities. I love my bf so much. He's the only person in my life that I feel safe with and loved by. But I just feel like I don't deserve to be happy, and that only drives me to rebel against doing the right thing even more. I literally want to die. I don't have the guts to actually do it, but I think about it all the time. And it scares me so much. I'm only 24 and I;m already so miserable. It scares me to think about how I'm going to deal with bigger problems in the future if I can't even handle my own mistakes. This sounds so much like my ex... Like others said - you definitely need some professional help. Counselling alone will not do it at this point - It would benefit you to start taking some mood stabilizers/anti-depressants for a while just so you could start pullung yourself out of this... Good luck.
Deegee Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 That girl I totally feel you...I did the same thing, broke up w/my mm (he didn't know what he wanted), met someone else, wanted to feel desired did what I did, and my ex mm bf found out, called me all kinds of names, and continues to blame me for everything that went wrong in our messed up relationship. And to top it all off, I totally feel guilty. I also felt suicidal, but shook that thought off, because I'm too scared to even think of the ramifications, and plain and simple, it's just not worth it, HE'S not worth it. YOU have to believe that you are worth so much more than some guys sad insecurity. And it's true what the other posters have said, it's NOT love if it hurts. Love does not hurt. You deserve better.
Author That_girl Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Thank you all for your replies. I know that suicide is NOT the answer, but the fact that I'm having such thoughts really scares me. I just don't ever want to be in a position where I have lost control having those kinds of thoughts. I care too much about my family and I don't want to be so weak that I end up leaving them completely devastated. After getting a full physical examination, I'm going to ask my doctor if he can refer me to some kind of counsellor/therapist. I know that nothing will change for the better if I don't start seeking some help. I want to be better for my bf, but also for myself. It really helps to hear other people suggesting I get help. I guess it takes a while to sink in. The guilt is just unbearable right now. I feel like a failure to be a good person. I want to get back together with my ex but if I ever told him about what happened, he would hate me forever. So I guess I can never say a word. I know that this isnt exactly the morally right thing to do but I just can't stand any more blame. Is it cheating while you're broken-up, if you decide to get back together? And should I tell him about it?
Sonic_chaos Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 wow girl, I really feel for you at the moment. I have also had suicide thoughts and i have jokingly said id be better off dead. I know a few people that have done it, and it leaves family devastated that things go so bad and also the person that caused it to happen. I dont believe its cheating while your broken up. broke up makes ended. FINISHED. and the healing process needs to take place. So dont beat yourself up about it. Rebound relationships never work anyway, as long as you tell the person that for the moment, its just no strings attached and let them make there mind up if its right or not. I have also had thoughts about dating again after my break up, *only 2 weeks into it officially* but the thought of her finding out just makes it look bad and also how much i didnt love her. Some self help things tell you to get out there and date. While its good for self esteem, it also makes your ex jealous. Good and bad i think.. Also depends on the break up. What you need to concetrate on first though is getting yourself back to how you was before you met your ex. Bubbly, confident etc. Thats what we need to see. If your ex see's you like that, the instant he does, he is gonna think *if he still has feelings for you, which im sure he will* WOW.. she is just as hot as when we first hooked up!!!! Thats what your aiming for.. Even if you dont get that sort of reaction from him, im sure you will find some hot guy that will give you that reaction you want.. and you will get the desire back you want and that guys are willing to give you.. Your ex however sounds like he had someone lined up behind you. So if anyone should feel guilty it should be him. Not you. Chin up girl, go talk to someone you trust will give you the right answers and if need be seek professional help
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