EmperorR Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I can only speak from the male dumpee side pov. - Anytime you feel she's getting distant, such as short phone calls, text messages getting smaller and smaller *red flag* she's emotionally detaching to get to a level of indifference to lay it out for you. This is why after you breakup your thinking she doesn't mean it she'll call me tommorow or text me nope, she's already gone like the wind. - Once you get dumped, you will usually get the "your such a great guy, probably the best bf I ever dated' (then why aren't I with you:laugh:), or the "I want to see what's out there" etc., as well you will get the "but I still hope we remain great friends". Trust me it doesn't matter how good you treated her or how you think in your mind she'll never get anyone who treats her better, you may be right but it doesn't matter. - Once a women makes up her mind don't try to change, just beg plead, say remember when you said we would be together for ever etc., or ask why, or write poems, send flowers etc. you just look sad and desperate - GO NC immediately I can't stress this enough, even if you only go for two weeks at least your emotions will calm down. When my ex fiance cheated and left me (yeah can't believe I wanted cheating scum back), I begged pleaded, lost all my dignity self respect, I wish I could go back in time and slap the hell out of myself. But we learn from experience, this time around, I got dumped, just said oh allright say thanks for your mom for being nice to me and vanished. I broke NC 7 days later, once my head was clear and I was speaking from my brain not my heart, just asked her why, got the we are different people bla bla, said yeah I agree didn't beg didn't plead, got the I hope we can still remain great friends:laugh:, I said yeah sure ( I won't ever message or call her again) and went back to NC - It's hard going NC especially right after a relationship and you were with that person for a long time, but in the end you will be thanking yourself, yes we all think our situation is different, and that by declaring your love form the tallest point will win them back, or by secretly agreeing to be friends they will remember the passion and love etc., sorry nope they won't. - When you go through a major breakup from a long term relationship, its like nothing can faze you anymore, I';ve been betrayed cheated on, left in debt, ridiculed, lost all my dignity, that i've built up this wall around me that maybe no one will get through again. Basically nothing fazes me at all anymore. - It doesn't matter how good you treated your gf, fiancee whatever, it doesn't matter you were their first love, it doesn't matter, ever other bf in the past cheated on them or abused them physically emotionally etc. but you never did, none of that matters at all. Sad to say some type of people are just like that, they will always be in those type of relationships and get scared or run away when they have something good. - never ever give up your friends or family, dont detach yourself to one person, i did it with my ex fiance and I was left with no one but loveshack (hey guys), I started reconnecting with my old friends and started spending more time with my family, this time i get dumped shrugs, my friends are taking me out every night, my family is there for me, and I feel so much stronger than before. - Actions speak louder than words, both times I was dumped, i got the "I still love you and care for you crap", been 7 months I haven't heard a peep from my ex fiance, and she knew I was dealing with a ulcer and panic attacks back then oh ya what great friends we are haha. This latest ex " i still love you and want you in my life and want to be great friends" as I mentioned above I said yeah sure, just testing out and what do you know haven't heard a peep from her as well. - Being friends with a ex does not work, its selfish on their part and their downgrading you, they only want to be friends, to relieve the guilt of their situation, to string you along incase they change their mind, to keep you in their life to text and to talk to like they did before without the passionate side to it. Plus its all garbage and a piece of crap, I remember with my ex fiance sure I'll be your friend, can I see you next saturday nope, calls her "ugh i have to go now". This ex, yeah we will be the best of buddies, no phone calls, no texts nothing, again its all a scam a fraud on their part, never be friends tell them to shove it. - let the anger go, trust me if you knew the things i did for my ex fiance and what she did for me, I should be angry for the rest of my life,, I let it consume me for months and what did it get me nothing? Once I let it go I got on whit my life and reached the point I am today. - Have patience, everything happens for a reason, everything I've been through has made me stronger and made me realize what I really want in a partner, I know one day all this crap I've been through is just bringing me closer to the women I deserve.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I'm sorry for your pain. That is exactly how I have ended my last two relationships. But I've also been on the other side of the coin, waiting by the phone, wondering why I haven't heard from him, the anxiety, clinginess. Maybe someone has an answer to help thoe of us who aren't quite sure how to break up with someone. When I start having doubts, I try to talk about what's bothering me, and I try to be nice and compassionate about it, but it doesn't matter. The guy always takes it personally and gets defensive and then I shut down and pull back even farther. Then resentment builds and I become distant until I have made my final decision that I'm 100% sure I want out, and then there's no looking back at that point. So my advice to the guy, pick up the clues, don't get defensive. When she complains it's a valid concern. Don't bring up something she did that pist you off. Take some time off from relationships and really work on the communication when you decide to try it again. I'm not the best at offering advice but if it's not meant to be, there's not much you can do. It will hurt after 3 months or after a year. I agree with NC, but I prefer that when I'm the dumper - I don't want to hear from him because he was annoying in the end.
Author EmperorR Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Maybe someone has an answer to help thoe of us who aren't quite sure how to break up with someone. When I start having doubts, I try to talk about what's bothering me, and I try to be nice and compassionate about it, but it doesn't matter. The guy always takes it personally and gets defensive and then I shut down and pull back even farther. Then resentment builds and I become distant until I have made my final decision that I'm 100% sure I want out, and then there's no looking back at that point. Honesty really helps, instead of emotionally detaching, that's what really gets me mad, the distant before, and then asking and getting the "nothing", "everything is allright". Because time is vital and important and I look at that emotionally attachment period as time I could have used to heal myself. Just my two cents. So my advice to the guy, pick up the clues, don't get defensive. When she complains it's a valid concern. Don't bring up something she did that pist you off. Trust me I picked up the clues this time, I even told her I know your emotionally detaching and will dump me soon, but then got the, nope the only dumping is coming from you:laugh:, a week later boom Take some time off from relationships and really work on the communication when you decide to try it again. I'm not the best at offering advice but if it's not meant to be, there's not much you can do. It will hurt after 3 months or after a year. I agree with NC, but I prefer that when I'm the dumper - I don't want to hear from him because he was annoying in the end. I agree, and I am taking time off, I need to change my mindset from every day in a relationship just thinking I wonder when its going to end and embrace it fully shrugs
Recommended Posts