WhyYesThankYou Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 So, I broke it off with my lovely boy almost six weeks ago - we'd broken up a couple of times before, but this was "it." (Irreconcilable differences; I like him a lot, but he wanted to be exclusive and I didn't.) A few days after we broke up, I left to go overseas for a month. While I was away, I was busy visiting friends and family, having fun, etc - it was like being in a parallel universe where the breakup never happened. But now I'm back home, and I'm experiencing delayed break-up grief. It's not that I don't like him or didn't like him; it's just we can't be together since we want different things. I was kind of expecting - hoping - that he'd get in touch with me once I got back... He's been the one to break NC in the past. But this time he hasn't. Part of me is glad, because I don't really know how anything could improve, and it'd likely just be more drama... But part of me is upset (and compulsively checking phone/email/mailbox) because I feel like if he ever cared, if our relationship ever meant anything, he'd care enough or like me enough to want to get in touch. No contact makes me feel like our relationship never really meant anything. Follow my logic? So - I won't contact him. And I need to move beyond hoping he will contact me. But in the meantime, would you please write to me and pretend to be him? Make up some rationale for why you're (he's) not contacting me. Have you just moved on? Are you too busy banging a hotter girl? Do you even remember I exist? Serious, funny, I don't mind... I just need something to read while I sit here and obsessively click "check for mail." Cheers.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 To My Beautiful One, My Dearest Darling Sweetheart Lubby-Dubby, The Only One For Me, I haven't been able to contact you, even though I think of you every day...every hour...every minute...every second. My heart aches with a profound sadness, my loins ache even more. You lush thing you, I am obsessed. I want to take you in my arms, throw you on my unmade bed (unmade b/c I haven't the heart to tidy, ect. - since I can't get you out of my head...ect!...we know the drill!) , and take you to heaven --- again - and again. I feel feverish. Manic. Exhausted. Then manic again. I ache, I yearn, I bleed. I want. And the question on my mind is... Is this love, or indigestion? ...like, seriously - do I need to see the doctor or what? Lustfully Yours, The Ex
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Hope this helps! Don't ever say I never gave you anything!
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Absolutely magic - I'd gone to take a "woe is me" bath, fell asleep, woke up when the water was cold, stumbled back to the computer (of course) and there was your reply!! I particularly like the hypochondria on the end... That is SO him. So, thanks for the missive, and thanks for reminding me of one of the not-so-great things about him. Anyone else? I'm walking away from the computer again for a while...
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 So I left my computer after the last posting and went into town, because what better way to distract myself from thinking about him than to get out of the house and meet some new people, right? But lo and behold, I get to town, and who's there but HIM! We live in a city of 150,000 people, so it's not like a village where people bump into each other all that frequently. This was pure bad luck. We were at a major intersection, me in my distinctive car and him on his motorbike. I suddenly looked down so as not to have to make eye contact or communicate in anyway. He got a green light first and went past me; I glanced up in my rearview mirror and saw that he pulled over about 200 feet past me and turned around, looking... When my light turned green I carried on. I was thinking that perhaps after that, he might contact me... but no. And you people haven't either!! Surely there's someone who's hyped up on Easter eggs who can send me a little note... BUT - in a twist of crazy irony, do you know who DID email me today???!?! My ex whom I broke up with in 1995. 1995!!!! He writes to me every year or so. I was just thinking the other day that I haven't heard from him in about 18 months, and now here we go. So - Universe, if you're listening - when I said I wanted to hear from my ex, I meant THE RECENT ONE. The one with the gorgeous blue eyes, the super intelligent one who cooks so well and makes beautiful music... Oh, right... they both did. Never mind, universe; I see how you got confused.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Well well well. I got a CD from him today (left in my letterbox), and on the CD was written the following: I don't know why I'm doing this - I'm not sure whether any of your feelings for me were real - I'm uncertain because I haven't heard from you. I miss you. I'm not sure why you haven't gotten in touch since you've been back. I hope we're both just taking good care of our feelings, and that there's no negativity lingering, or whatever. Love. I've been studiously doing NC, while at the same time wondering since I haven't heard from *him* if *his* feelings weren't real. I'm not sure if I should stick to the NC and leave him to deal with his feelings while I try to sort out my own, or if I should get in touch to assure him that yes, although I did break it off, my feelings were real and that I'm disappointed for both of us that things didn't work out. He's a great guy, just very very sensitive. All artsy and whatnot. The CD is two songs he wrote post-breakup, one with lyrics about missing me. What to do... Should I reply to his note, or is this a classic lure into a rehashing of sadness? P.S. @Bluebird - his song lyrics weren't as poetically erotic as your letter, but then they also didn't mention bleeding and indigestion...
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