Mahatma Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I am going to have to agree with sam... If a girl told me she "lost" my number, that would be the end of it. If a girl is interested, she won't be misplacing the number. The guy just kept pushing and pushing.. It is because of guys like this that pretty girls become bitchy. They HAVE to be *******s to get their points across. She was trying to show that she didn't have any interest in a relationship without bluntly telling him and making him feel bad. She even said she was not interested in one and he kept pushing. OP, I suggest you ignore all texts from here on out. He will move on eventually.
Author pinkberry Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 THAT is the whole point! Because she dosn't owe him s**t, she should cut him off elegantly ASAP, instead of dragging herself into a situation that annoys her. She doesn't like the guy, so what business does she have continuing the communication? He wants more than friendship, so she can only choose between romance and nothing. That much she does owe him. I don't think it's OK to use him as an ego booster while thinking how annoying he is. I am not saying she is doing this; I am just saying that your statement that she owes him nothing implies that she can play games with him as much as she wants and who cares about his feelings? I don't think she wants to play games with him. I think she's a nice girl who is a bit confused and wants to do the right thing. The right thing to do is: either sh*t or get off the pot. I appreciate all of the advice I have received. I sent him a text this morning saying that while I think he's a great guy, I feel no romantic connection on my end, and that I do not wish to further mislead him. It's been six hours and I have not received a response, so I think (and hope) that he finally gets the message.
BobSacamento Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 While I agree she should not have let it get this far, I think the OP has given plenty of signals that she isn't interested in dude. And with all due respect, most females will not outright say "I'm not interested in you" any more than they'll say the opposite. It's a guy's job to pick up on signals, and this guy's antennae are broken. He is not doing what any "normal man" would do. He is doing what a desperate loser would do: Texting and calling incessantly. Yes, she should have dropped the hammer earlier, but this guy is his own worst enemy. But let me tell you what a normal guy would have done: 1. He would have gotten HER number and called her. Not given his number out. 2. He would have planned a date a few days in advance, not "tomorrow." 3. He would have noticed that, even if she gave her number, she was not displaying any signs whatsoever of interest (taking the OP's word for it). 4. He would not have texted her to ask her out. A man picks up the phone and calls! I don't care what era we're in, texting is passive-aggressive. 5. He would not ask permission to call her (again over text). He would not have chatted extensively on the phone. 6. He would NOT text the day of the date except to a) confirm, b) let her know he's late. He would NOT text to thank her immediately afterward. 7. After she told him multiple times she was not interested in a relationship, he would have GOTTEN THE POINT and MOVED ON. It doesn't matter if the guy knows this excuse to be b.s. Every guy knows this; the smart ones accept it and move on. She was being polite. Maybe she needed to be a little clearer and ruder to this dude, as he sounds totally clueless. Apparently he has never seen the late night phone call scene from "Swingers." Perhaps I'm holding up the status quo by allowing the female to be less forthright and placing the onus on the guy, but this is how it is, not how everyone wants it to be. This guy has a lot to learn. Guys like this make it a lot easier for guys like me. Sure he did what a pathetic loser would do. Yet he still got a date. It's rather hilarious. She rewarded him for being oblivious and persistent. She has created a monster!
7117 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Your being WAY to nice to this guy.I have felt like I came on to strong at times to girls but nothing not even close to this guy he is nuts really nuts.If i made plans for a thursday and it was monday I would throw her a text one time before our date just saying hope all is well and im looking forwad to us hanging out.The last thing you want to do is lead this guy on it's not fair to him and it will make your life easier.
pollywag Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Pinkberry the post where I highlighted all that stuff was not intended for you at ALL. It was intended at xpapercut who said that he needed to take a "hint". Ironically you now posted that you told him exactly what you thought and how you felt and surprised surprise the guy went away and got it! He's no fool he was just interested and saw hope. Why should a guy "read between the lines?" women hate reading between the lines when men are not upfront and play the hot and cold game, so why do the same thing to a guy? You don't have to be mean or rude, be nice about it but nip it in the bud if you are not feeling it. Sure he did what a pathetic loser would do. Yet he still got a date. It's rather hilarious. She rewarded him for being oblivious and persistent. She has created a monster! Exactly!! The bottom line is women do like to be pursued even when we are mildly interested, if the guy pushes enough we will give him a chance. What he did after with all the texting maybe killed it, maybe if he had been cool about it he could have grown on her BUT at least his pushing got him a first date. Furthermore, aside from the "I am too busy to date now" and losing his number, everything she did is exactly what we do as women to encourage a guy to keep trying. He is not doing what any "normal man" would do. He is doing what a desperate loser would do: Texting and calling incessantly. Yes, she should have dropped the hammer earlier, but this guy is his own worst enemy. But let me tell you what a normal guy would have done: Samspade what do you know what guys do? You don't date men do you? Well we do and what he did minus all the texting was pretty normal. The last thing a girl should do when she meets a guy that comes on strong and she is not interested, is pussy foot around whether she wants to see him. All that's going to do is give him enough ammo to keep trying, as far as he is concerned it's all systems go so what if not right now, he is still in there. Some of the coolest guys will turn quite persistent when they are really interested, you have NO idea what guys do. What your guy friends tell you they do and what they ACTUALLY do, are two different things.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Quit leading him on. **** aint rocket science.
Author pinkberry Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 mr. dream merchant, if you had cared to read through the thread, i sent him a text informing him i wasn't interested and that i do not wish to further mislead him.
UCLAMike Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Actually, no it's not it's about how to get the message across. Sorry but I fail to see what the "hint" is. He tells her why haven't you called she lies and says "I lost your number" He asks her out for coffee, she agrees to go. He texts her to tell her he had a great time, she tells him same here. THEN he asks her out again and she says that I am NOT looking for a relationship right now, however I enjoyed our chat. Ok so the guy thinks ok she is overwhelmend but might be interested. He kept up with the texting, so I explained I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and that seeing him tomorrow may be too soon. He thinks ok no rush, whenever she is ready. Enlighten me on what the "hint" is here? If this was you on the receiving end of the messages with a guy you would be wondering why is he sending me mixed signals he tells me he had a nice time, which we did, he tells me he does want to see me again, just not right now too busy, and he says he is not ready for something serious but that does not rule out something casual. Which I should remind you in guy talk something casual is exactly within a guy's comfort zone. If you want the guy to back off, tell him you don't see yourself in romantic relationship with him. END OF STORY! Stop with the games of "read the hints" and especially don't complain that men aren't "getting it" when you are making it difficult for him TO get the clear picture. Dude just save ur breath. This is just beyond me how she lacks so much empathy to see things from his perspective and why he's contacting her. She doesn't see what she's doing wrong.
Author pinkberry Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 Dude just save ur breath. This is just beyond me how she lacks so much empathy to see things from his perspective and why he's contacting her. She doesn't see what she's doing wrong. Oh whatever Mike. I just read your other post and it seems like you were recently burned which is probably why you're feeling bitter. If you had've read the entire thread, you would've seen that I rectified my "mistake" by telling him directly I had no romantic interest. He's not contacted me since. Geez.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 mr. dream merchant, if you had cared to read through the thread, i sent him a text informing him i wasn't interested and that i do not wish to further mislead him. I did. And I'll tell you again, for this scenario's sake, and some future ones. Stop. Leading. Men. Who. Have. A. Thing. For. You. On. and stop complaining about how they won't let up on the pressure when you keep going out with them and they, oh dear me oh my! - TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY. Gosh you're dense. And Mike isn't in here burning you because he got burned. He's in here burning you because you're burning other men. Stop leading them on. Period.
Author pinkberry Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 I did. And I'll tell you again, for this scenario's sake, and some future ones. Stop. Leading. Men. Who. Have. A. Thing. For. You. On. and stop complaining about how they won't let up on the pressure when you keep going out with them and they, oh dear me oh my! - TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY. Gosh you're dense. And Mike isn't in here burning you because he got burned. He's in here burning you because you're burning other men. Stop leading them on. Period. Excuse me? I went out with him ONCE. Yes, I shouldn't have even taken it that far. Before that I dated a guy for six months who decided he didn't want a relationship, and prior to that, I was with a guy for 10 years. So how I have been perpetually leading men on is news to me. Perhaps you know something about me that I don't? I admitted I made a mistake. Get a life.
pink smartie Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 She.Stopped.Leading.Him.On. Period. Why the need to keep harping on her?
mr.dream merchant Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Hey, if she isn't dense anymore then congrats for her.
Author pinkberry Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 Hey, if she isn't dense anymore then congrats for her. I applaud your candor. Wow, a true gentleman.
Zeta4PhiSius Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 pinkberry - And I applaud your sarcasm. The type of lady I'd go for. Sorry. Couldn't resist some sarcasm of my own. Glad to see the situation's resolved. I've been there and it's not fun, but at least he knows for sure. And guys quit the harping - she made the mistake and rectified it. Just because you were burned and you feel like crap about it now doesn't mean you can throw rocks and make the lady feel like crap. She's obviously got the point and I'm sure she'll behave much differently in the future. BTW, yes I know I posted a few not-so-flattering posts about being burned myself but that's natural and I've moved on. You guys should too.
moman Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I don't really see how she led him on. The worst she is guilty of is acting like a flake, but this guy, man he's wierd. To go to all that effort for a girl who's been acting like a flake, he must be desperate or something.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I don't really see how she led him on. The worst she is guilty of is acting like a flake, but this guy, man he's wierd. To go to all that effort for a girl who's been acting like a flake, he must be desperate or something. He is desperate.
UCLAMike Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I don't really see how she led him on. The worst she is guilty of is acting like a flake, but this guy, man he's wierd. To go to all that effort for a girl who's been acting like a flake, he must be desperate or something. lol i dont think anybody disagrees with u that the guy is desperate.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 While I agree she should not have let it get this far, I think the OP has given plenty of signals that she isn't interested in dude. And with all due respect, most females will not outright say "I'm not interested in you" any more than they'll say the opposite. It's a guy's job to pick up on signals, and this guy's antennae are broken. He is not doing what any "normal man" would do. He is doing what a desperate loser would do: Texting and calling incessantly. Yes, she should have dropped the hammer earlier, but this guy is his own worst enemy. But let me tell you what a normal guy would have done: 1. He would have gotten HER number and called her. Not given his number out. 2. He would have planned a date a few days in advance, not "tomorrow." 3. He would have noticed that, even if she gave her number, she was not displaying any signs whatsoever of interest (taking the OP's word for it). 4. He would not have texted her to ask her out. A man picks up the phone and calls! I don't care what era we're in, texting is passive-aggressive. 5. He would not ask permission to call her (again over text). He would not have chatted extensively on the phone. 6. He would NOT text the day of the date except to a) confirm, b) let her know he's late. He would NOT text to thank her immediately afterward. 7. After she told him multiple times she was not interested in a relationship, he would have GOTTEN THE POINT and MOVED ON. It doesn't matter if the guy knows this excuse to be b.s. Every guy knows this; the smart ones accept it and move on. She was being polite. Maybe she needed to be a little clearer and ruder to this dude, as he sounds totally clueless. Apparently he has never seen the late night phone call scene from "Swingers." Perhaps I'm holding up the status quo by allowing the female to be less forthright and placing the onus on the guy, but this is how it is, not how everyone wants it to be. This guy has a lot to learn. Guys like this make it a lot easier for guys like me. Agreed, Sam. Let's face it. Many women do not want to hurt people's feelings, so we give "hints" because it is less confrontational than just blurting out "hey, I have no attraction to you whatsoever please stop calling me." People need to learn how to pick up social cues. Let's think about this. The guy gives her his number and she never calls. First of all, lame. He should have asked for hers and given her a call.: Then she never calls, and when she runs into him, she says, "I lost it." Let's think about this for a minute. Where did she run into him? The grocery store? At a bar? Little league game? So she's turning her cart down aisle 3, picking out tomato paste, and she sees Mr. Can't Take a hint. Mr. Can't Take a Hint: Hey, how are you? Long time no see! Pinkberry: Oh, hi, how are you? Mr. Can't Take a Hint: I'm great! I see you never called me. Why didn't I hear from you? Pinkberry: (Pulls out garlic and carmelized onion tomato sauce) Oh, you see, I just didn't feel any spark with you, and I really think we would be better off as friends. Mmm...I love garlic. Great to see you! Good luck finding all the items on your list today! Now when he called, that's probably when she should have just said no thank you. I'm sure she will do that in the future. But I have been there. The guys is nice, you feel like you should give the nice guy a chance, so you do. If she had written on here that she turned him down because she thought he was nice but she wasn't into him, there would be plenty of posters jumping down her throat for that. And maybe, just maybe, there was a hint of possibility with this guy. Maybe he could have been one of the ones who gets under your skin and starts to look more attractive. Well, he killed that with the incessant texting and calling.
boxing123 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Coffee went well. Like I said, he's good company, but I felt nothing. Afterwards he texted me to say he had a great time and to thank me. I responded saying the same. Then he tried to call me. I didn't answer, he left no message. What can I do to politely brush this guy off? Why on Earth did you tell him you had a great time? Men are taught that they have to pursue women. You said you had a great time, so obviously he is pursuing.
Author pinkberry Posted April 13, 2009 Author Posted April 13, 2009 Agreed, Sam. Let's face it. Many women do not want to hurt people's feelings, so we give "hints" because it is less confrontational than just blurting out "hey, I have no attraction to you whatsoever please stop calling me." People need to learn how to pick up social cues. Let's think about this. The guy gives her his number and she never calls. First of all, lame. He should have asked for hers and given her a call.: Then she never calls, and when she runs into him, she says, "I lost it." Let's think about this for a minute. Where did she run into him? The grocery store? At a bar? Little league game? So she's turning her cart down aisle 3, picking out tomato paste, and she sees Mr. Can't Take a hint. Mr. Can't Take a Hint: Hey, how are you? Long time no see! Pinkberry: Oh, hi, how are you? Mr. Can't Take a Hint: I'm great! I see you never called me. Why didn't I hear from you? Pinkberry: (Pulls out garlic and carmelized onion tomato sauce) Oh, you see, I just didn't feel any spark with you, and I really think we would be better off as friends. Mmm...I love garlic. Great to see you! Good luck finding all the items on your list today! Now when he called, that's probably when she should have just said no thank you. I'm sure she will do that in the future. But I have been there. The guys is nice, you feel like you should give the nice guy a chance, so you do. If she had written on here that she turned him down because she thought he was nice but she wasn't into him, there would be plenty of posters jumping down her throat for that. And maybe, just maybe, there was a hint of possibility with this guy. Maybe he could have been one of the ones who gets under your skin and starts to look more attractive. Well, he killed that with the incessant texting and calling. Thank you so much for giving me the benefit of the doubt - my M.O. was NOT to be a mean person... I thought I was giving him "hints" but that obviously didn't work and should this situation arise again I will be direct.
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