Reggie Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I've been "skip reading" this..... Why on earth do the children need to be privvy to this information. They don't need to know their parents PERSONAL/INTIMATE information. Now, if a divorce happens....Yes, Mummy & daddy are getting divorced...But for crying out loud you don't say BECAUSE MUMMY COULDN'T KEEP HER LEGS CROSSED....Holy Cow!!!! soserious1....that question was a little out of line...Don'tcha think? Actually, many experts recommend telling the kids the true story. After all, the decision to cheat affects their lives, as well. And, telling serves a couple legit purposes. First, it is important that kids get the message that there are consequences to bad behavior. It helps them if they see that cheating can lead to this. Second, siome kids feel the demise of the marriage is in some way their fault. Telling dispels this. Everyone affected by the cheating deserves to know what happened that impacted their lives.
confusedinkansas Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I disagree with this. Whether "experts" say so or not. When my husband & I split up (it wasn't due to the affair though) My kids (23 & 25) did not ask Why.....Nor did we volunteer the Why's. They were sad.....they moved on. They were and are FINE! My husband & I both agreed to not discuss any specifics with them. (Granted, they didn't ask)....Just my opinion
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I disagree with this. Whether "experts" say so or not. When my husband & I split up (it wasn't due to the affair though) My kids (23 & 25) did not ask Why.....Nor did we volunteer the Why's. They were sad.....they moved on. They were and are FINE! But they did not ask. I will not tell my kids, but if they ask, I will tell them the truth, then it will be a dropped issue. My husband & I both agreed to not discuss any specifics with them. well, thats works well for you.
Reggie Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Mine asked and I told them. I felt there had been enough lying in this whole sordid thing already. Hell, the guy moved in with them after 6 months of sneaking into their mom's house at night while they slept. Then, I got to hear that he was her "new " boyfriend that she haad met after she moved out. I wanted my kids to know what type of man they were dealing with. These cheaters just love the cloak of secrecy and try to pretend they have the best interests of the kids in mind when they discourage telling. Fact is that if they had their kids' best interests in mind, they would not have cheated. IMO, you do your kids no favors by lying to them about this and you lose credibility if you do.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Mine asked and I told them. I felt there had been enough lying in this whole sordid thing already. How old are your kids and what was their reaction. I have a friend to this day almost 20 years later won't speak to his mom for cheating on his dad.
Darth Vader Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 My children knew before I did. And as far a throwing someone under a bus, isn't that what the cheating spouse did to the marriage and the betrayed spouse? My kids are older and I had no intention of lying to them or covering for him. They knew who he was better than I did. How did they find out about your scummy EX cheating? Sounds interesting..........
Darth Vader Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 How old are your kids and what was their reaction. I have a friend to this day almost 20 years later won't speak to his mom for cheating on his dad. Dexter, Who can blame him, she had no respect for his father or for him. How old was he when he found out, or did his father tell him? Does she have any regret now, I mean, she lost a son on top of a husband, that's gotta hurt! Who says there's no consequences..........
thelostsoul89 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I urge you all to stop trying to give advice to this person, she has posted in another thread, same title same words..... and yet not responding to either. Dont waste your time like I did. The other thread is General relationship btw.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Dexter, Who can blame him, she had no respect for his father or for him. How old was he when he found out, or did his father tell him? When getting a divorce, he asked why, and his father didn't lie. He didn't get graphic or bitter about it he just told him that "your mother has been seeing another man for X number of years" He was 16. Does she have any regret now, I mean, she lost a son on top of a husband, that's gotta hurt! Who says there's no consequences.......... I think her need to be with new men trumps her need to have acceptance from her son.
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 How did they find out about your scummy EX cheating? Sounds interesting.......... My oldest saw them together late one night while I was at home in bed. My youngest heard her voice over the phone when he didn't know she was in the room. She tried to tell me, but I explained that he must have had a reason to be talking with her, my blind stupid azz trusted him. I found some evidence, the kids saw me crying and told me what they knew, then it was on.
Darth Vader Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I urge you all to stop trying to give advice to this person, she has posted in another thread, same title same words..... and yet not responding to either. Dont waste your time like I did. The other thread is General relationship btw. No, but people do Lurk! This we know!:cool:
Darth Vader Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 When getting a divorce, he asked why, and his father didn't lie. He didn't get graphic or bitter about it he just told him that "your mother has been seeing another man for X number of years" He was 16. I think her need to be with new men trumps her need to have acceptance from her son. So this is on going............... She's gonna be in a heap when she wants to spend time with her son later in life!
Darth Vader Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 My oldest saw them together late one night while I was at home in bed. My youngest heard her voice over the phone when he didn't know she was in the room. She tried to tell me, but I explained that he must have had a reason to be talking with her, my blind stupid azz trusted him. I found some evidence, the kids saw me crying and told me what they knew, then it was on. Your ass was not stupid, maybe blind out of love for him, but, not stupid.:laugh: Ex. "My husband would never bang someone else"!
Olderbyfar Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 First, do you love him? You have to determine that first. If you do, then suggest that you need counselling & want him to participate in the sessions. If he agrees that's half the battle. If he doesn't agree? Well the main issue is trust, you broke it you have to earn it back. Good Luck
lostsunsets Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I cheated on my husband and confessed now I told everything there is to tell however he is wanting details of the events how it happend (positions), with who, where, who did what first etc... i hate myself for what I have done and want to move forward and leave everything behind including the details. I re-read your story. In it you said "he is wanting details of the events how it happend (positions), with who" One question. How many "whos" were there?
desertmoon Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I re-read your story. In it you said "he is wanting details of the events how it happend (positions), with who" One question. How many "whos" were there? Oh dear...
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