UCLAMike Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Just to recap: So we had a fantastic night last Saturday. I mean it was fun! Sushi, the beach, and even played songs for her on the sand. We go to a bar after and she called out her sister's guy friend, who is like a family, and ended up getting a ride home from him. Totally humiliated. What went wrong? I'll tell u what happened. Yesterday, she contacted me again saying she wants to go to this church event with me. Some kind of Easter music Sunday thing. She thought it'd be good since I play music as a hobby. I asked who else was going and it was just me and her. So I thought maybe she is still interested. I told her I'd go IF she went to go watch a movie with me afterward. She said "It's a date!" This time, I decided to listen to my gut instinct and have an honest talk with her. We talked on AIM about what happened on Saturday and where this was going. It turns out, she still isn't ready to date. She said "omg I am so sorry I made you feel that way last sat. I just got out of a relationship a month and a half ago, I am not ready to date yet." In her memory, we had already clearly gone over this that she isn't looking for a bf. For some reason, I didn't remember it. Then she said "I really enjoyed hanging out with you, so I am trying to do more of that etc." A little disappointed that she was giving mixed signals, I told her that I understand everything and that there was miscommunication. However, I did tell her that going out with her this weekend 1:1 is too soon for me as just friends and that I need more time to adjust my focus. I told her I have to set my own boundaries and that I need to not hang out 1:1 at least for now. So the "hang out" this weekend is off. Im not getting dragged along for her fun. I am guessing that if she really liked me, she would say something like "Hey I really like u and all but since I just broke up, I really need to take this slow." I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to dating. This is done deal right?
mr.dream merchant Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Yup. Just because she wants to have fun doesn't mean you have to be okay with it especially when you want more than that. I mean, if you were really in it for the coochie I'd suggest just being the guy she goes out and has fun with because then you'd get laid no strings attached. But if you want more than that, I'd say dead this broad A.S.A.P. Don't waste your money or time on her when you can focus it on better, more promising things. I'm sure you have lots of friends for free, so what's the point in spending money to get one more?
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 So the "hang out" this weekend is off. Im not getting dragged along for her fun. I am guessing that if she really liked me, she would say something like "Hey I really like u and all but since I just broke up, I really need to take this slow." I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to dating. This is done deal right? Don't be a spanker. She probably has some hot friends. As long as you don't drop cash on her, there is no harm in being friends. Unless you can't keep yourself from just pining away for her.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Yup. Just because she wants to have fun doesn't mean you have to be okay with it especially when you want more than that. I mean, if you were really in it for the coochie I'd suggest just being the guy she goes out and has fun with because then you'd get laid no strings attached. But if you want more than that, I'd say dead this broad A.S.A.P. Don't waste your money or time on her when you can focus it on better, more promising things. I'm sure you have lots of friends for free, so what's the point in spending money to get one more? That won't even happen. She just wants this guy as a friend, nothing more. If I were him, I wouldn't waste any more time on her.
somedude81 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 She said "omg I am so sorry I made you feel that way last sat. I just got out of a relationship a month and a half ago, I am not ready to date yet." That's a lie. What she is really saying is, "I don't want to date you." You've been friendzoned, it's time to move on.
Author UCLAMike Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 really? would some people really string someone along knowing they like them? If a girl liked me and I didn't like her back like that, I'd feel so uncomfortable and wouldnt even hang out with her 1:1. I'd give her the distance. This girl, however, is actively trying to spend time with me. WTH is going on here.
penguins33 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 She could be hanging with you just to try and get over what she used to have, it's pretty common.
imagine Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Never ever call your engagement a date! Spend time with her. Talk to her. Who needs the pressure of dating. Learn to tease. I you want to make a play, ask her to try out the "lipstick" your wearing.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 really? would some people really string someone along knowing they like them? If a girl liked me and I didn't like her back like that, I'd feel so uncomfortable and wouldnt even hang out with her 1:1. I'd give her the distance. This girl, however, is actively trying to spend time with me. WTH is going on here. The girl probably likes the attention but for whatever reason doesn't want to date you. She surely knows that you like her, but she just wants to string you along. I really think this is a waste of time for you. If you keep seeing this girl, you just going to waste your time and money and end up frustrated. I would move on.
BCCA Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Anyone who gives you a line about how they just got out of a relationship, etc is totally BS'ing you. She also said 'its a date' on purpose, knowing that you would be more inclined to go if you felt as though it could be a date. Look, the fact that you were out with her and she called another guy to join you, AND left with him should tell you everything you need to know about this girl. She just wants dudes to hang off her every word for an ego boost, and she obviously has very little respect for you. If that ever happens again, and some girl says shes going to call another guy to come hang out with the two of you, bail - immediately. Thats a really terrible thing to do. You did the right thing, but I know that doesnt make it feel any better right now. Move on, you really have to forget about this girl. Not only have you been friendzoned, but this girl has been pretty disrespectful, and you cant let stuff like that slide.
fishtaco Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Don't have anything else to add other than what has been said already. So, welcome to the world of dating. This is how it is. Don't take things seriously, and be prepared to bail.
alphamale Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 i agree with fishtaco and i would add that you always scam on multiple women at the same time because 95% will fall by the way-side and you always need a fresh supply of new "talent"
xpaperxcutx Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 What I want to know is why did you think one date was enough for you to mark her as relationship material? That's reckless.
fishtaco Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 What I want to know is why did you think one date was enough for you to mark her as relationship material? That's reckless. Although I agree with you, I would say cut UCLAMike some slack. He's new. People that are new at dating tend to take things too seriously. To make things worse, it wasn't even a date. She brought in some other dude whom she left with. It takes certain amount of experiences to get enough self control to hold your feelings in check. This experience will help him in that department. If this isn't enough for him to treat his next date as something that's no big deal, a few more of these and he'll learn what you're talking about.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Although I agree with you, I would say cut UCLAMike some slack. He's new. People that are new at dating tend to take things too seriously. To make things worse, it wasn't even a date. She brought in some other dude whom she left with. It takes certain amount of experiences to get enough self control to hold your feelings in check. This experience will help him in that department. If this isn't enough for him to treat his next date as something that's no big deal, a few more of these and he'll learn what you're talking about. My apologies if my post came out rude or severe. I wasn't trying to slam the guy.
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